This date makes me feel Sunday rainy
morning – lay under the blankets alone
kind of sad. Where you know everything is
alright but you feel a void pulsating in your
body and you still feel the only touch you want
covering your skin in the sweetest sin.
My legs still tremble at the thought of him
as I bit my lip not to pronounce his name.
There’s a part of my closet I never open because
I still have his stuff there and I know that part
holds the dearest smell which could pull me back
to the past and captivate me there.
I really hate this date. I still hear the car tires,
the crowd of the station, remember the bus platform
where the ride to separation took you away
from me. I really hate this date. It’s like a constant
reminder of what it feels like to lose what you love.
You found me with my flaws and fears and weaknesses.
You took them all away and where the only weakness left
even though life snatched you out of my reach. I don’t know
if we should have tried or was this the best thing for us. I
don’t know will this darkness stop creeping up from the inside.
I don’t know a lot but I do know I still hate this date. It’s
like an hourglass still counting the days I need to forget you.
It’s a violent reminder that I don’t have you. It’s everything
I can’t live with and more. This date was the date my body last felt
alive and my soul thought there was still a chance.
I hate this date because it brings out the worst in me. Makes me
hide in my own loneliness thinking why was I cursed to fall in the
depths of those brown eyes, why was I cursed to hate this date and the
miles which held us apart.