I’ve posted this story a while ago but I decided to repost it because I think that our new project when we reach 3000 followers will be centered around abuse stories. I am still working on the idea and I remembered this post so here I am sharing it again. If you would like to have this new project about abuse stories, let me know in the comments!
I have promised to make a post about the story behind the name Luna and today is the day. To be quite honest I’ve never told anyone why I use this name because it’s a very personal story but I decided to show courage and share it with everyone.
My real name is Ana and I got it by my grandmother. Originally my mother wanted to call me Julia but my father wanted for me to be Ana because my older sister got her name by our other grandmother and he wanted the same for me. Luna is the name I’ve used for many years for writing purposes and I came up with it when I was a little kid. To explain the whole story I have to go back to 1992.
As I stated in my Liebster Award post I’m actually of Bosnian origins. My family lived there for their entire life and then the war happened and my father fought in the war in Bosnia. During that time he got PTSD and started to drink heavily. My parents came to Germany after the war and 7 years later we came to Croatia. Due to my father’s mental problems he started to drink even more and got more and more abusive. He would beat the life out of my mother, sister and me and the police was a regular guest at our house. He developed an identity disorder and things only went downhill. Every time he would get drunk my mother would send me to my grandmother’s because it was unsafe to leave me alone with him. Because of the stressful situation we lived in I was a very nervous child, didn’t have an appetite, I was underweight and always ill because my immune system wasn’t very good. My mother, sister and I spent our days locked up in one room of our house because he would always attack and threaten to kill us if we went to use the kitchen or other parts of the house. Thankfully the bathroom was just on the opposite side of the room we were in so we could sneak to go to the bathroom. I even remember a little bit of a Christmas morning when my mother had to pay off all of my father’s drinking debts so we had no money to buy anything, my father was drunk again and my mother got up in the morning to make pancakes for me and my sister to eat. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning eating cold pancakes, locked up in one room. No Christmas tree, no presents. I would actually spend a lot of time alone in that room, watching Spanish telenovelas and writing my own stuff like scenarios for my telenovela and poems about the actors. It was a way to kill time and that’s how I fell in love with writing.
Where I’m from the winters are very cold and back in the day we had central heating. My father turned it off one day saying we don’t deserve to get warm and I got extremely ill afterwards.
One day I just woke up without the ability to breath normally, my head was hurting and I had a high fever. After visiting my doctor we found out my problem was bordering with pneumonia but the doctor didn’t want to put me in the hospital because it was dangerous for me to be exposed to so many bacteria and viruses since my immune system practically didn’t exist. My mother couldn’t send me to my grandmothers and couldn’t take days off of work to take care of me because she would have been fired. My older sister had to go to school so I was on my own. My mother would get my sister ready for school and before leaving she would put a bucket with a lid next to me if I needed to throw up and she would lock me up in the room so my father wouldn’t get in and harm me. Since he was drunk and I wasn’t making any noises he didn’t even know I was there so I was safe. My health condition was very bad. I spent 10 days literally sleeping. I don’t remember much of that time but I do remember this. One night I ran out of air and suddenly woke up. My mother was next to me and my sister was in the other bed. The first thing I saw at that moment was the full moon through the blinds. In that moment I felt so calm, like nothing could hurt me. I can’t even explain it.
Seeing the moon just gave me a strong bond to nature, helped me realize that not all is lost and made me believe that just like nature renews itself I will renew my health and get better. It was like a feeling that the sky was watching over me. It was all probably the product of my fever but that night created the name Luna. As I said I watched a lot of Spanish telenovelas so I decided to go with the name Luna when I started sending my work to magazines or publishing it online. Luna in Spanish, as many of you know, means the moon.
This was very hard for me to write because I don’t like to talk about my father but I thought it was time to open up more and be more honest on the blog because I would like to share my experiences with abuse with others and maybe help them if they are currently struggling with it. If you went through the same thing before or are going through it now and need someone to talk to feel free to DM me on my Instagram or send me an email on luna.theblog@gmail.com
It’s a beautiful pen name, I’m sorry that your childhood was so damaging. Take the strength of the moon and shine xx
Thank you!
Can’t come up with a better comment 🙈 “Take the strengh of the moon and shine” 💖💖
This is a beautiful story and the strength it radiates adds to it.
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing – it’s very courageous of you. I wish you continued healing and strength. x
Thank you!
Luna,
what a sad and beautiful story.
Thank you!
Thank you for commenting!
Be strong, make your life and keep your creative spirit. Good luck in new job!
Thank you!
This is such a tragic story, but you have moved forward with life, by the look of it. Well done to you for that. The things done to children will live on in that child’s mind forever, some are strong enough, lucky enough, resilient enough, to get through, but sadly, others may go down, as you so easily could have. I am glad to know you, through this blog, and I thank you so much for trusting us all with your story.
Thank you so much for this kind comment!
Hey, moments and situations like these make us who we are today and judging from your courage to share this, your childhood has made you very strong. So you know what? I won’t call your childhood damaging because that’s
not what it was. It ‘created’ someone who radiates positivity through her writing, creates platforms for others and is brave enough to share her stories. I’m glad you’re sharing your positivity by blogging and writing, Luna. And I’m glad that I’m getting to know you through this blog. You have a beautiful name with a beautiful story behind it. Hope you have a great day and great times ahead of you.
Thank you very much!
Thank you for sharing. No one knows why things happen the way they do sometimes, but I believe everything happens for a reason. Your experience was traumatic but it made you strong. You survived. The moon knows you have a gift to share with the world and that’s what you are doing with your writing. It will keep watching over you 🙂 Keep going!! I admire your strength, openness and courage <3
Thank you 😀
You are an amazing person to have endured your childhood. Your writing reflects how amazing you are, as well.
Thank you!
You’re welcome.
What happened to you is sad. But it takes bravery to share abusive stories. I have been abused myself so I can kind of relate even though everybody has different experiences
I am so sad to hear that. I hope you will always stay strong and positive!
Great post 🙂
Thank you for opening your heart with us and sharing your story. Abuse is so hard to talk about sometimes. But I definiely think we ought to talk about it – it can help others.
It’s what I did for many years.
All the best to you, now that you are free from this.
Thank you very much!
I feel you
You’re very brave to share your story and invite others to share theirs in a safe place. Luna is a beautiful name. May you always feel it watching over you 🌷
thank you!
Interesting how you started off writing dramatic from the start, being inspired from telenovelas. Unfortunately, I can’t relate too much to what you’ve gone through throughout your life, but I know and have experienced that the worst of times brings out the best writing for us writers. Every single short story or poem I write can be traced back to one thing that’s happened in my life. And I like to bring fiction to life as if I were in a theatre, which is why I look to write in a dramatic style as well. But seriously, you are an amazing writer, beyond doubt! Y Luna es una nombre muy bella!
Gracias 😊
Escribes algunas historias en Español también o no?
Aún no, pero tal vez un día voy a empezar 😊
Esa es bien. Ojala, escribires bien y yo leeré tus historias.