Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!
Today I would like to talk about insecurities, especially related to looks, because I have some and so do you. I honestly do not wish this episode of Coffee Date to be labeled as a girly episode because I think it’s discriminatory and feeds into the “macho man” narrative where men cannot have insecurities and talk openly about them because they have to “man up”. If you believe any of that stereotype nonsense, this is not the blog for you.
Mostly, when someone brings up insecurities people first think about a few pounds they would like to lose. I had insecurities tied to my weight and body shape for a long time and it took a lot of work to get rid of them completely. I can say that today, with my 23 years, I feel very comfortable with my few extra pounds, not so defined curves and over all I just feel very comfortable in my body. If you’d like me to do a separate post about body insecurities and how I coped with them, do tell me in the comments.
My biggest insecurities begin from the shoulders up – my face and my hair. When I say my face, I am not saying I think I am ugly. I am actually referring to my skin and my acne problem. It all started a few years back while I was at university. I have problems with my thyroid and the issues escalated one summer to the points where I started taking medication for it. My hormones were all over the place. This caused the outbreak of hormonal acne and I lost more that 20% of my hair.
I used to have volume in my hair and it was slightly wavy because I actually had curly hair as a little girl. In one summer I lost all of that. My hair became lifeless, flat and it gets greasy in a matter of hours after washing. When I would dry it and run my hand through it, I would end up with a fistful of hair. I actually cried a few times while drying my hair because it was just hard to watch my hair fall out so aggressively. Doctors weren’t helping at all.
And then the acne came. Doctors weren’t helping at all still. I understand it’s hard to fight such issues but I felt so awful and angry at my doctors. I gave up makeup for a solid year and a half. To this day I still refuse to wear makeup on a daily basis and put it on only for special purposes or nights out and that is hard. These acnes break out on my chin mostly, they are very red or white and my face gets very red and has that greasy shine. It is not comfortable to walk around like that especially not in a world that glorifies perfection and we live under the false social media standard of beauty. They are not around all the time, that’s the thing with hormonal acne – they break out during different parts of the month. It is a very disgusting feeling to wake up in the morning with a painful face. These acne actually hurt.
Some of you follow me on Instagram @luna.theblog and are probably thinking that I am making this up. I am not, but on my IG pics I am mostly wearing makeup and you can’t really see my face. There are some pics, better said selfies, where if you zoom in you can see the imperfections under my foundation. My insecurities are very much visible in the fact that I never posted a makeup-less picture to my social media. That’s how much I do not like looking at my face skin. I do not photoshop my photos but I do wear makeup while taking them.
I was told many times that I am so confident because I don’t put makeup on when going to work or grabbing a cup of coffee with friends etc. I am not confident but I do not speak loudly about it because I am scared of people then paying too much attention to my face skin. The rational part of my brain know that this wouldn’t happen. People are not standing around me judging my lifeless hair and hormonal acne and the rational part of me knows this but this is the thing about insecurities. They mess with the rational part of our brain.
This is why you need to talk about them at least with yourself or on a blog like, well, me. Rationalize with yourself and do what’s best for you. I don’t wear makeup because it makes my skin worse and it took a lot of rationalizing to come to the point where I feel comfortable being makeup free on the daily. You have to learn how to put your own well-being ahead of people’s opinion and that voice that whispers in your ear. Giving up and giving in to your insecurities can harm your mental health and you could literally harm yourself because mostly our insecurities are about our body and the way we look. If you feed into your insecurities you will consider yourself not good enough, not lovable and people and companies who know how to manipulate your insecurities to their advantage will use them against you. I feel like I am building a conspiracy theory, but I believe you know what I am talking about. Expensive beauty procedures, strict diets, depression… The list goes on and it’s terrifyingly long (like this post)
If you are insecure about your body or something else, it’s okay to try and change it but don’t forget to love it in the process. You can accept and love yourself while trying to change yourself.
I could literally write on and on about this issue but I think it’s time to stop. If you would like to read more about this topic, just leave it in the comments below and also feel free to share your ideas for other Coffee Date posts. Don’t forget to let me know in the comments what do you think about this post, how do you handle your insecurities and how have you been lately.
Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna
I admire that you shared this to be a role model for others to speak up about their insecurities and realise that regardless of them, they are still beautiful. I mean I personally think you’re very pretty, but I get your point-no one can convince us that our insecurities are unnoticeable. I’ve always disliked my smile and turns out people don’t look at it like I do. It is hard to accept it though. Anyways, I would like to know how you got over the challenges you’ve in terms of your body shape. I sometimes struggle with it and would appreciate the advice!
Thank you for the kind words! I think that insecurities are hard to talk about because we consider them weaknesses while being afraid to asses and speak up about an issue is an actual weakness.
It is funny how something, such as a smile or in my case acne, makes us feel insecure while other people don’t even notice and this is why we need to talk about insecurities. The post about body insecurities is already in the making!
Stay safe <3
Insecurities are the four walls we place around ourselves, not submitting to the trust from another. That, right there, becomes our biggest error, because the avoidance of danger becomes our greatest weakness, inevitably.
Can we ever trust another to see us, for who we are? Or, are we going to continually say to ourselves, in the mirror’s reflection, that only we can accept who we are? That seems like nothing more than giving in, and closing ourselves off to the possibility of someone else understanding us.
When we are insecure, we seem to lower our eyes to the sight of someone, not even allowing another a chance to see us. Insecurity can harbor anger against the surrounding world, enough so that we disallow anyone’s entrance into us. We never open those doors to anyone besides our own shadow, and this is never good.
Of course, it is also never good to allow a disease within yourself, in the form of another person. A lot of people in this world take the role of infections. However… we’re bound to run into those sort of people. I say that it is better to be open at all times, so that one can learn from life, what to eject from our lives and what to open ourselves to.
Better to be brave, than to be stupid.
I love this comment and I couldn’t agree more. I honestly experienced some issues in my relationships because I had insecurities regarding my body and the way I look. It does take a lot of work to step out of those insecurities and give ourselves the love we deserve. When we love ourselves, we let others love us without fear. Thank you for this comment!
Stay safe <3
You’re from Croatia, correct?
Hehe. Sorry if this sounds a bit awkward, though the whole reason my blog exists is because of the one woman I ever loved, who too, is from Croatia.
I’ve written nearly 700 poems about her, all in the expanse of a single year.
That is so romantic! Yes, I am from Croatia ☺️
I admire your honesty and bravery in broaching what is a difficult topic. It sounds like through all your travails you have kept a remarkably sound and realistic attitude. I would hope that you find support for your feelings, online here but more importantly from those closer to you. Take care in these uncertain times (we are considered a “hot spot” for CV here in Detroit)
Thank you for this kind comment. I am sorry to hear the area you live in is very affected by CV. I hope you will stay safe, healthy and strong! <3
I always enjoy your “coffee dates.”
I can relate because I am taking thyroid medication as well!
I think this is one of those occasions where I am just very sad to hear that my content is relatable to someone. Stay safe <3
This is a great post to read and I’m not even sure where to start with all of the insecurities I have about my body, my own personal beauty image and so on. I think one of the things I’m trying to do more of is to simply accept myself – even the changes I need to make, like a healthier life, is important, but I need a starting spot. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and allowing myself to do the same. <3
I am very happy to hear you are aware of your insecurities and are having a positive and healthy outlook on the situation. I struggled with my body image a lot and I know it can be exhausting and I will be posting the next Coffee Date on this subject. My advice to you is to start small. Implement small changes week by week and don’t be afraid to seek out help or open up to someone you love or on your blog. If you are struggling with talking to others about your insecurities, you can start writing a journal to let those negative thoughts you have about yourself out. Stay strong and stay safe <3
Hi Luna. I enjoyed this post. Each of us has our own personal insecurities and we shouldn’t be afraid to open up whether male or female. Have a wonderful day!
Thank you very much for your comment, I agree with your. Stay safe <3
I also struggle with acne. I’m almost 30 years old but acne seems to be a permanent fixture in my life. I hate it. I’ve tried everything but medication. One thing that does help is using a vitamin C face wash and serum. Those help heal break outs faster and lightens acne scars.
I know it can be frustrating, but don’t hate it. Embrace it as a part of your body no matter how hard it is. I am also struggling with this, but one step at a time. I never took any medication for my acne but did experiment a lot with cosmetic products. It took me years but a few months back I finally found a brand that suits my needs and whose products help so much. Stay safe <3
Here during the lockdowns I’ve found it strange that Fake Plastic Tree’s by Radiohead became an anthem, but then it makes sense because the shutdowns (at least here) are putting those feelings into perspective.
All the things people use to beat themselves up are suddenly gone.
Thanks for laying bare a hard truth, Luna. As you said, we all have insecurities. Everyone is hard on themselves about something, and often we feel we don’t live up to our own expectations or perhaps those of others.
This doesn’t change as you get older, either. I am now in my 50’s and I still have days when I wish I looked different, felt stronger, had taken time to learn something sooner so I could take advantage of it. With the current stay-at-home orders, I’m now having to contemplate what I’ll look like without the hair colour.
We need to be kind to each other, to remember to see the real beauty in people’s souls and be grateful for their companionship – now more than ever.
Times like this can help us in focusing on what really matters.
I agree. This quarantine is hard on everyone but it does give us time to contemplate more about everything we’ve been taking for granted. Stay strong and stay safe <3
“You can accept and love yourself while trying to change yourself.” So true! I feel like it’s so important to recognize your self-worth, but it’s also okay to want to better yourself. We’re all imperfectly human and it’s okay to love yourself while still wanting to grow! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thank you for commenting! Stay safe <3