Hello Everyone!
It has been a long time since I just posted on the blog, had a talk with you or in this case, a cup of coffee. There is a reason for that. I have been going through a bit of a crisis that I do not know how to explain to myself or to others.
I have a good job which keeps me financially stable, recently I met someone very special in my life, since I started working from home I have had more time to spend with my family, I have great friends and the list could go on about the things that are really going for me right now and still I am so miserable. There is a constant feeling of something missing in my life and it’s eating me away.
I know that my career choices have a lot to do with my unhappiness. My goal in life was not and is not to be a customer service agent. I do like this job and I absolutely adore the people I am working with but there is still that feeling that something is missing. I have been in this career crisis on and off for the past 2 years and it’s a normal thing every 20something goes through but I can feel my mental health going to hell fast because I cannot cope with not having a purpose in life. Being aware of the fact that my degree is worthless and that no one wants to hire me in digital marketing because I have no fucking experience is not making this easy on me.
Yesterday was my one year anniversary of working as a customer service agent. I have been feeling like shit for the last two weeks because I knew that I was reaching that one year at a job that was supposed to be temporary until I get my Digital Marketing certificate so that I can do something I am 100% invested in. But again there is this fear – what if I get into a Digital marketing agency and realize after some time that it’s not what I actually want? What if I just got that certificate to cover up for the fact that I dropped out of grad school without a fucking plan?
As you can see, I am struggling which is why I haven’t been so active on the blog. I have had problems opening up to people about this because they either do not understand completely what I am saying or hit me with “Do you know how many people lost their job during quarantine and how many people are being paid less because of the COVID situation and how lucky you are right now?”
Yes, I do know.
I haven’t been fired, my job was never in question and there were no paycheck cuts in my firm. The only difference for us was that we had to work from home. That is it. Not a single person in the customer care center where I work felt the effects of quarantine when it comes to job security and money and this is amazing and I applaud the company for that.
I don’t know if I am able to put this nicely, but I do not know how to feel okay and satisfied with my life just because others have it worse. Other people being in bad situations shouldn’t be a standard for me to feel good about myself and about my life but I have often felt under attack if I expressed any of these opinions out loud which made the struggle in my head even worse because it is all in my head.
And then I opened up my laptop today and decided to write this mess out because this is my safe place and I often stray away from it when I’m in trouble but I am glad to be back. Thank you for putting up with my annoying rant about unhappiness. I know that our Coffee Dates are usually reserved for happy thoughts but I just had to get this off my chest.
Please do let me know if you experienced similar issues and how did you deal with them? Let’s be the supportive WordPress community that we are.
Also, we already passed 5,5k followers here on WordPress, my Poetry Bar inbox is full of your submissions so let me know if there’s any type of different content you would like to see on this blog. I publish from 3-5 Poetry Bar works daily, do you want more? Would you like for me to write about the current events, maybe to do story times, do you have some questions for me so we can do a Q&A type post. Tell me all of your wishes down in the comments because, honestly, I need some content ideas and working on this blog has always helped me work through my personal issues.
I love you all, thank you for being so amazing and so supportive!
Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna
This is a harsh fact of work life. You work in something but miss on a few things. You want to work desperately on something else, but you do not have experience. And unless someone hires us, we cannot get an experience. So sometimes we do face catch 22 kind of situations. Some people fake up and get through this cycle, but faking is not for me. I prefer the harder path, though that path has its own challenges and tough at times. Yet at the end of the day, I do feel that I still have something that I can look forward to.
Thank you for this positive comment! When I am down about my career, I tend to think about the good stuff going on in my life, but I always have to keep in mind that I have to fight for a better job, to get more education. At the end of the day, I don’t want to end up paying the bills and pretending everything is fine until I die. I wish you all the best! <3
Ahhh. The old conundrum of job satisfaction. When I took the job that I ended up retiring from more than 38 years later, I struggled early on. It was with a large company and my boss was a bit of a slacker and I as the newby always had to pick up the pieces. I was on the point of quitting many times, but after talking with friends and doing a lot of soul searching, I decided to just do the best I could and always go above and beyond. After all, I was wooing my future wife and this job would allow me to make sure my family was always secure. As soon as I adopted the right attitude, it made everything easier to bear. Was this job ever perfect? Sure, for a few days, weeks or months at a time, but there were always rough patches, changes, job cuts heavy workloads. I just buckled down again, and after time, the promotions, raises and accolades came. I was able to get both job security and job satisfaction, just by being a good employee. Finally, I got the big promotion I had been working my whole life toward, retirement. It took awhile for happiness to come, but 5 years after retirement, I now realize what I had been working for. Stay focused, your time will come.
Thank you very much! It’s always nice to hear such inspiring words especially from someone who has been through this all. Sometimes these problems seem feel like the end of the world, but that’s what happens when you are young and coming into the “adult world”. Hopefully, I will be able to say I picked the right path when I retire one day 🙂
As our kids were growing up, my wife had wise words for them when they complained about chores or schoolwork. She would always say, It’s called work. If it was fun, they would call it fun. Eye rolling occurred and they went back to it. Stay well. Allan
Hope everything gets well soon with you. COVID-19 has doomed the economy and affected a lot many people. Everything will be right soon. Things will take time to be normal. All the best.
The Poetry Bar is going good. Congratulations !
Thank you so much <3
Hey Luna! I’m sorry that you feel dissatisfied about your current situation, but know that no one-and I mean no one- has the right to invalidate your feelings!
Also, I’d love having “story times” =)
Take care!
We all have to remind ourselves of that, especially if we find ourselves in a toxic environment. Writing all of this out of my system really helped me to see things clearly. I have a long way to go but this safe space and the ability to write my feelings out make things easier.
Also, thank you for the feedback <3
Can totally relate. I was just watching a movie called Young Adult, about a woman who has achieved great things yet finds it very difficult to be satisfied – but the main thing that brings her down is the fact that she compares her standards of happiness with that of others… It made me think. We all ride our own waves and fight our own battles and in the end we’re only responsible for our own happiness – society has no say in it!
I couldn’t agree more, but we tend to forget that if we find ourselves in a toxic environment or let our negative feelings get the best of us. I will make sure to watch that movie 😀
Congratulations!
This is a really difficult time. Abnormal are becoming new normals. We have to cope with new demands as we don’t know how long it will continue.
I can identify…I sometimes feel like my degree is useless too. And I love being a mom but I know that my choice to stay home has definitely affected my future in any career. My mindset right now is to be accepting of whatever my job options will be, but to also inch forward in whatever ways I can towards my goals. Blogging helps me too as a creative outlet and a way to work out my feelings.✌️
I wish you all the best in your future job pursuits! <3
Thanks, and same to you! Hang in there!
I think many people struggle with job satisfaction, myself included. Sometimes we work a job because we need the paycheck or benefits. It can be difficult stay motivated in a job when you know that you were meant for so much more.
It’s possible to find satisfaction outside of work. Consider volunteering. You could offer to do marketing for a non-profit organization that you support. Or maybe you have friends or family with a small business who could use your marketing skills. Even if it isn’t your “job,” it could lead to something in the future.
Eventually, we all get on the right path. Sometimes it takes longer than we’d like, but we get there.
Money can easily trap people into working a job they do not like and we are all aware of it. We need to take care of ourselves, provide for our families but there comes a time when money and all the benefits in the world aren’t enough to cure our unhappiness. I have this blog as a safe space, whenever I feel lost or unhappy, I always know that at the end of the day I am coming back to this community, to what I really love.
Thank you for the great advice, I already have a side gig as a community manager. I need to take every opportunity I can to make that resume longer 😀
No matter what we expect, life rarely happens according to plan. The best we can do is push forward and be a positive force Luna.
don’t end up feeling like you wasted over 20 years at a job that morphed into a career that never once brings you joy. Make that step to persue what you really want now in your 20’s than later at 50 :/
I am still in this process of finding myself when it comes to my career, as are most people my age. This negativity that built up inside of me is killing me but it’s also not letting me rest. It reminds me every day that I have to move forward and pursue happiness at all cost. Hopefully, I will figure it all out soon. Thank you for the advice.<3
Just from my own experience I gave up too easily on my dreams and find myself completely at odds for wasting so many years of unhappiness doing something i never really really wanted to do.
Ofc if we are to think about job satisfaction there is an issue that only you know very well, but no one has the right to tell you how you should feel bcs really none of our lives, experiences … whatsoever is similar so that we can compare! No way! Well, I’m struggling myself with finding a job seeing the current situation it has only made looking for a job worse … I really enjoyed this coffee time with you and hope we get to know more about your life so I vote for “story time”! 🙈 Thank you Luna and stay safe 💝
My best advice when looking for a job is to apply for everything, you never know what life might bring your way. I ended up dropping out of university thinking that the only thing I know how to do is to be a waitress because it was the only thing I ever did but when I started applying to different jobs I realized my potential. Don’t let yourself be in a comfort zone and keep going from one interview to the next. COVID did make things harder, but not impossible. I wish you all the best and thank you for the feedback <3
Thank you so much for your advice as well! 💝💝🙈
Keep trying different things until you find where you’re happy to stay. Happiness is the journey, not the destination.
Always remember you have the option to leave any situation. You don’t have to promise forever and it’s not failure to find something is not what you expected. It’s learning; Life is a process of learning. The only thing you’re eternally bound to is yourself, so it’s much easier when you’re on your own side.
Thank you for such an inspiring comments, I really appreciate it <3
Hey Luna, get that certificate anyway. Don’t let your doubts stand in the way. Being unhappy in your career at the moment just means that you know there’s something else you want with your life. We all get just one shot at this thing so ultimately follow your desires. Don’t waste your time being unhappy. It’s better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all. I hope you go for the things you want in life and I hope you come to realise that failing doesn’t mean the end of trying.
Thank you so much! These negative feelings I have around my career are messing with my head a lot but they are also not letting me get into a comfort zone, they are just pushing me to go further and find happiness. You know what they say, fall down 7 times, stand up 8 and that exactly what all of us need to be doing <3
I’m going through something like this too, I’ve taken a side project of assembling my first poetry book. It has really relaxed me and eased the tension coz writing is something I really love doing. Maybe you have such an activity too, that you can pursue seriously on the side.
As for the blog, I’d really like story time, sounds like an interesting idea
One of my life goals is to make this blog even bigger and better for all of the followers and Poetry Bar members so this blog is something I consider a job as well but it’s the job I love. I really have a feeling like we created a great and supportive community here so I would love to see it grow.
Thank you for the comment and the feedback. Many said that they want story times, so I am guessing we will be having story times very soon 😀
That’s beautiful positive news, I can’t wait 🌼💛
Luna, the misery you are feeling right now is valid at every level. Nobody has to downplay it for you, not even your head. I understand how it feels to not feel “arrived” or on the brink of arriving. I feel that too. I recently graduated college last year and this year has just been a twist in every angle for me, the pandemic, the cluelessness after graduation and even the fact that I studied English Language and Literature. I often feel that there’s nothing here for me based on the course I did. I’ve been doing little things to keep myself busy and on some days, I feel a very sharp sense of anxiety, and it is the realization of what ifs. What if I don’t ever get to find a job based on what I studied, what if I do not fit into a job in my course of study, what if this, what if that. I feel 20somethings go through this trajectory a lot in their lives, moments in search for solutions and answers. But I’m thinking, that even though we have to keep ourselves accountable with how we move through life, we should try to drag out even the tiniest form of joy in our present life to keep pushing until we get to our desired destination. On some days, I just revel in knowing that I still have life on my side. I feel that’s the best place to always start afresh when our anxiety keys in. Reminding ourselves that we’ll choose life, time and time again. My thoughts are with you💕
If you mind, we could interact more through email.
Reading this comment, brought up many memories for me of the time when I dropped out of grad school and went into the “adult world”, started to look for a job etc. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I also had a pandemic to worry about at that time but my best advice to you is: Apply for that job and never stop looking for jobs even when you have one – you can always upgrade. Don’t let what ifs and insecurities be louder than your desire to fight for what you want. Thank you very much for this kind comment <3
Everyone can contact me at poetrybar1@gmail.com (I check inbox and spam daily so I don't miss anything!)
I am in a very similar situation to you: coming up to a year in a job that I wasn’t really looking for but took because I had a real need for steady work, that I felt like I quickly outgrew because it’s not really in the field I want to do. I started getting lazy and comfortable but became frustrated by my disaffection. My disaffection was from a place of privilege. How dare I feel disaffected? I should feel grateful because I had it when millions no longer have theirs or if they kept their jobs, at a slash of their funds.That being said, I’m with you in the sense that others’ misfortune should not make you feel better. Other people have lost their jobs and you feel stuck and dissatisfied: those two can exist without conflict. But I digress.
For now, I’m thinking about the value of the job I currently have and how it might help with my future endeavours. When I was bouncing between a lot of internships and temporary gigs, I was told to make a list of skills from the jobs I worked at. When it’s written out, it helps you visualise the value that your employment has and also doubles up as doing half the work of your CV. In general, it shows that job experience can be transferred to other roles, that there’s value in even the “wrong” jobs for your career trajectory. It definitely made those aimless years feel more worthwhile.
Also, I think our situation is going to feel a lot more typical. We’re in what’s been called emerging adulthood, where essentially adolescence extends to 30: the kind of financial opportunities our predecessors had isn’t available to us anymore or in the same way. Basically, our arc to more meaningful work and lives is going to be longer and will start later. It’s not a case of never, just a case of *yet*. In short, keep going, don’t lose sight of your goals. I think we’ll get there, just maybe a little later than we expected.
This comment hit home! I agree that things are not the way they used to be before. When I told my mother I had to go through several rounds of interviews and solve tests in order to be considered for a job she couldn’t believe it. We live in a fast-changing world and we have to adapt, especially under the circumstances COVID created.
I tried to look at every job and part time job as a source of new experiences and new skills but the older I get, the more I crave for a job to be something I completely enjoy and where I can show my skills and learn new ones (if that makes sense). We will both figure this out, I know we will. Thank you so much for this comment <3
Sorry to hear you’re feeling lost at the moment but I think you’ve nailed a big part of it with second guessing yourself. My instinct would be to remind you that you can’t play the “what if” game. You may the best decisions you can at the time and accept what pans out. Also, it sounds like you do have some positives in your life, sink into those and feel grateful for them as I’m sure they are helping you as you navigate through your life. Stay safe and be well, dear Luna!
Thank you Susi <3
I am holding on to the good things in my life but I am also holding on to these negative feelings because they keep me on my toes. I try to keep a balance between the two because the good things keep my head safe from getting drowned in negativity and the negative feelings I have about my career push me forward to work harder, learn more and never stop looking for a career that will feel like something more than an 8 hour shift, 5 days a week that pays the bills.
I wish you the best, Luna! Sometimes it takes a bit. Look at me, I was in my late 40s before I landed the perfect job! 🙂
At times I wondered what the point was in running Xerox’s website for its worldwide service force. I’d been doing computer work long enough to know how quickly things went from latest and greatest to legacy (the outdated stuff we’re stuck with but still need). What kept me going was the thought, “Today I helped someone get their job done with a little less heartburn and maybe even made their life a tiny bit better.”
First, you shouldn’t hesitate to express what you are feeling just because of people. I can understand your dilemma because I have been going through it. When what you are doing doesn’t give satisfaction, it becomes a burden, but you can’t leave this job because you don’t want to lose your source of income which gives you financial stability. You hesitate to leave it because you fear ‘Will you get another job or not?’ Sometimes, you don’t know what to do. I also feel it sometimes. I don’t like my job but I can’t leave it because I don’t know whether I will get another job or not. My life has been aimless. I didn’t know what to do in life.
How very true: “Other people being in bad situations shouldn’t be a standard for me to feel good about myself and about my life ” and yet it is used so often to “cheer us up” about our own situation. Insightful and honest writing…
Hi Luna, I was very moved by your post. It took me back to a time, in what seems like another life now, of my own experiences. A longing for something else, but not really knowing what that is. Even though there may have been a vague idea, it was never the right time and yes that dreaded word experience.
For me it was always holding on to the dream. Whatever that may be. For me it was about how to fulfil the creative urges, life events unfortunately always have a way of muscling in.
Take heart, you have found a way to channel some of your energy. Expressing your thoughts and how you feel is healthy. Our path in life may not be what we expect but it’s rising to the challenge and making it work for you.
Sometimes it is just about standing, still until the moment feels right to move.
Thank you for having the courage to share.