Throughout my existence on this platform, I have often put up post such as “leave something positive that happened to you so we can share some good vibes”. I put up many posts like this in 2020 because this year was the year we all needed to remind ourselves of things we are grateful for because all of us have struggled with our own demons and problems in this pandemic. So I had to write this down because I didn’t want you to think I have anything against positivity and looking for reasons to smile. With that being said, let’s get into what I really wanted to discuss here.
I don’t post a lot on #savingme because it gets hard. I no longer live in domestic violence, but talking about it, opening some wounds is still painful and the fact that my brain just decided not to remember a lot of my childhood to protect me (I guess) doesn’t make this easier. I think I have repressed memory, but I am not doctor. Maybe my memory just sucks but I believe that my brain is trying to protect me from those hurtful memories.
Now, let me ask you a question. Why do you expect women to be happy and smiling all the fucking time?!
I am not attacking you directly because I don’t know you but if you ever used the phrase “You are so much prettier when you smile, you should smile more often etc.” I am kind of attacking you. If you ever placed a woman in a situation where she was forced or bullied into smiling and pretending everything is okay, I am kind of attacking you. To try to explain this better to the male audience that might not understand this so much – forcing women to be composed, happy and pretend like everything is perfect all the time is equal to the idea of the “masculine man” being imposed on men where you are expected to be a stereotypical man who should know how to do stuff, lift things, not have feelings or cry ever. You know what I am talking about “the manly man”. Since I am not a man and do not have experience with this, I would like to point out a poem that sums this up nicely: Guante – “Ten Responses to the Phrase ‘Man Up'”
Why am I writing about this and linking it to domestic violence and abuse? Let me explain that. Women, and I have seen this on my mother, feel the shame when they go through domestic violence. What will the people say if I call the cops? I am a bad mother because this man is beating my kids. It falls upon me to carry the burden of this domestic violence/abuse without realizing I am the victim. The same thing happens with rape. The victim is shamed into silence and the “women have to be happy” feeds into this fucking problem.
We are expected to play a part in the world and a great part of that role is covering shit up and being happy all the time, giving out this impression of having our life together, having the perfect family, being good cooks, caring for kids and expected to want to be mothers, if I might add (I could write a whole new post about this topic). When we get angry, when we voice our discomfort or just our opinion that doesn’t sit right with other people then we are PMS-ing. “It’s that time of the month”. “Our hormones are doing the talking”. “We will calm down once our period is done”. Stop bullying women into thinking they are crazy when they are unhappy! Stop bullying women into not seeking help when they are abused.
When shit hits the fan, when the cops are on the doorstep, when women walk around with a black eye, when someone is DEAD, when a woman kills herself because she was raped, then we hear the phrase: “We didn’t even suspect something was wrong, she always seemed so happy”. How many times have you heard this from someone or on TV? How many fucking times have you heard this phrase or a variation of this phrase? Why do we need to have women mentally and physically scarred for life or a dead body to realize that there’s something wrong?
When a woman says no, when she pushes you away, when she tells you to stop, when she calls the cops on you and accuses you of abuse, she is not making stuff up and being crazy. She is uncomfortable and scared and this is not the time for women to think they should go easy, not raise their voice or say NO with an uncomfortable, fake smile. You have the right to get angry when someone is invading your personal space and abusing you. You have the right to fight back and seek help. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
This is why I say GIVE WOMEN THEIR RAGE BACK. Give us our anger back and watch us evolve even if it scares some. Just that freedom of being able to experience emotions that society tried to tell us we are not entitled to, will give us also the freedom to speak up about abuse and to fight the oppression.
For anyone dismissing all of this TRUTH that I just wrote as a “feminist rant that makes no sense” and if anyone envisioned me as a man-hating, no-shaving angry female that is fighting a fight that doesn’t exist anymore because “we gave women rights” let me just tell you that 1992. was called the year of the women the same way that 2018. was called the year of the women and despite all of this we are still fighting the same bullshit, the same sexual harassment, women are still fighting harder than men to get into high positions and the same people are still trying to silence us and bully us into submission. Google your facts before you call women angry feminists and trust me that we will write, yell, protest and fight as long as we have to until every woman and every little girl stops being silent about oppression and abuse because “that was the way it has always been and if you speak up, we will shame you into believing it was your fault. now SMILEEEEEE”.
This is not to say that women are never the abusers, but I can only speak from my perspective. I know there are men and boys abused by their mother and/or father or any other person who are scared to speak up because of the “manly man stereotype” or because they go through the same fear and shame mentioned before. I think that abused men and boys are an issue society has to dive into thoroughly because we cannot pretend that it is not happening and telling men to “Man up”. There are stories to be heard from their side and I hope they will speak up as well. If you want to share your experience you can on this platform and you can stay anonymous if it makes you feel safer and better.
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#savingme is the community where abuse victims can publish their experiences just to let go and find comfort and support. Maybe it doesn’t feel like much but just publishing your story for others to read makes you strong. You can send your story about the abuse you went through to savingmestory@gmail.com and you can choose if you want it to be anonymous or not.
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Men who are abused by their female partners are subject to arrest and false accusations of DV from those same partners.
That is the primary reason men remain quiet in abusive relationships.
The Bible makes it quite clear that it is better to live in a corner of a rooftop than to live in a wide house with a contentious woman.
This is why I’m preparing to live alone for the rest of my life while holding the women 8n my life at arms length.
I simply have no tolerance for feminine emotional chaos or drama.
The Bible, as well as many other religious books, has done its fair share in trying to convince the world that women are less than and that we need to be put under a man’s control. I have nothing against faith. Having faith is a beautiful thing but I will never stop raising my voice against inequality and violence.
I wrote in this post that men are subject to abuse as well but I am not a man and I cannot speak from a male perspective which is why I have a platform where those who have the stories that have to be told can share them and I don’t care about their gender.
Luna
I’ve been researching these issues since the mid 1990’s. Do the math that’s a quarter of a century and i was fortunate enough to marry a women who does not believe in divorce. We have been married 39 yrs and she is enough of a pain in the butt that if I had it to do over again I wouldn’t consider marrying her.
The conditions I described are the prevailing conditions that men face here in the United States.
Things are even worse in Canada where a woman accusing her male partner of DV is taken into a hearing. Where the judge will strip her male partner of his property and financial assents placing them in her name. Her partner is not allowed to attend that hearing nor to defend himself as he is presumed guilty from the get go.
In Italy after the feminists successfully lobbied for a law that forced men to pay out of their own pockets into a social security account for their wives.
Both the marriage and birth rates completely collapsed in less than fve years. Resulting in the closing of schools for lack of students. Causing italian mayors to consider imposing a Laddie Tax on single men who did not want to marry women any more.
In Japan it is even worse with robotic manufacturers openly producing life like female robots. To fill an increasing demand from male customers who want absolutely nothing to do with women.
Here in the United States during the early 90’s the police had started to arrest women for DV. Until Joe Biden wrote the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) and it became law.
Since then feminists have successfully lobbied law enforcement agencies all over the United States. To always arrest the male involved in spite of the evidence.
There are literally thousands of stories on the internet in which men detail the oppression they have experienced as a result.
In every single country that has accepted feminist ideology as gospel truth; their marriage and birth rates collapsed below replacement rates in less than a generation.
When women began joining the Air Force so many of them returing late from leave reported. That they had been sexually assaulted to avoid an AWOL charge which is a serious criminal offense in all branches of the military.
That the Air Force was forced to conduct a study that found 60 percent of these claims made by female officers to completely false.
During the Kobe Bryant trial in which he had been falsely accused of rape. A former prosecutor who had a long record of convicting men of rape. Estimated that false accusations of rape run as high as 45 percent.
Put both of those statistics together and it is clear that false accusations run between 45 and 60 percent – far higher than feminist will admit.
Study after study and claim after claim made by the feminists have been debunked again and again. Proving that feminist ideology and those who promote it are 100 percent intellectually dishonest.
As for myself I do not need a woman for anything and would be far better off without them in my like.
Just as an ever increasing legion of men have discovered all over the world. Who are voting with their feet and wallets by walking away from intimate relationships with women.
And it is about to get a whole lot worse because here in the states, men pay far more into Social Security and other safety net programs then women do, while receiving far less in benefits.
As their contributions continue to fall those programs singles mothers rely on instead of a husband – will fail.
Hey, I read your comment and I think it might be good to read this post again.. Luna doesn’t articulate one gender, she is writing about both..
Quite frankly I don’t give a damn anymore!
This attitude of apathy leads to abuse. Love is the answer for all, beyond gender, beyond labels, we are all unified in universal consciousness.
Actually it is the total lack of love for men exhibited by today’s women that is powering the apathy increasing numbers of men have towards women.
Frankly we just don’t give a damn anymore and are better off playing video games than wasting our time on the likes of you.
So get over it and pull on your big girl pants and fend for yourself.
Because we are so over you!
The way you talk about your wife says enough about you. The reason why child birth rates are dropping is not feminism. Economy and the development of the modern world have influenced this more than feminism ever could and anyone who thinks feminism is the sole reason for something does not have a clear grasp of how intricate the world is.
The things you wrote about Canada are not true. If a woman calls the authorities she runs the same risk of being charged as the man does and the man is not striped away of his possessions and taken to a hearing. If the police decides there was abuse, they can take him away (and her) and charge him (and her) but they will not take away his possessions just because a women said he beat her.
People are innocent until proven guilty so nobody is just accused of being an abuser, taken away, locked up, stripped of his possessions etc. The judiciary system exists to prevent that from happening. This what you described sounds more like the inqusition is coming to these homes and not police officers.
I do not understand why are you going out of your way to make women seem like some plague that came upon the world just because we don’t want to be submitted to the will of men as if this were the 18th century? Why are you so hateful, especially when this article didn’t contain a shred of hate pointed towards men? But again, considering how you described your wife, I am not surprised.
Sexual abuse comes in more variations than just rape and when it comes to dismissing these allegations you should also realize that women have to get to a doctor and the cops after they were raped which does not happen and some of the reasons why women don’t seek help immediately after they were assaulted are listed in my article. This is what I was trying to raise awareness about but I guess some people have their own view of the world and if it’s not a man’s world then they will come up with just about anything to make it seem like the wrong world.
Since you seem like the type who should be told this, let me just be very clear about this: Women are not here to get married, be something men own and push babies out.
Welcome to the 21st.
Wrong again Luna you forget I grew up during this time period.
It was the women of the Baby Boom generation entering the labor market enmass.
That brought about the economic changes that now require two partners working full time to live the American Dream of owning a home.
Causing the average wage men earned to fall drastically as wages for women increased.
And you are ignorant of the very basic law of economics that l learned well over 40 yrs ago in high school.
Which clearly states that as demand rises prices increase. And when demand falls prices decrease.
I was born on the tail end of the baby boom generation. And when I was twenty it wad still possible for a man making 30,000 a year to buy a home and and support his family on one income.
But as the women my age graduated from college, entered the labor market, married and started families.
Their demand for cars and bigger homes and other consumer goods; literately forced the prices on these items into the economic stratosphere.
So that today it is impossible for anyone to support a family on one income.
Unless they are willing to live dirt poor.
Half a century of dealing with the fall out of the consequences of the feminist movement.
Has left me with ZERO TOLERANCE for the gobbly gook, nonsense and out right lies today’s women like yourself spourt off about.
In other words you simply do not know what you are talking about!
I do know what I am talking about but since my opinions are not based on hate towards a whole gender group, it’s hard for you to understand it. As I said, I wish you healing.
Your feminist opinions are indeed hatred personified towards an entire gender. Always has been and always will be.
The 4th wave of feminism during which feminists will openly advocate for reducing the male population to 10 percent of what it is today.
Is already well underway!
I don’t hate men. I want equality for all, an idea you are clearly uncomfortable with and cannot even grasp the concept of.
You still don’t get it absolute equality on any form of relationship is impossible.
And quite frankly I don’t need the hassle women always bring into their romantic relationships.
Which leaves me just wanting to he left alone to live what few years are left to me in peace and quiet.
Something your narcissistic and entitled mind simply can not grasp at this time in your life.
There are only three things men actually need and they are as follows:
1) Companionship
2) Sex
And
3) A Sandwich
Today’s men are far happier being their own best friend.
Sex is almost always better alone and far less riskier than with a female partner.
And a man can always make his own sandwich or just go to Subway and pay someone to make it for him.
Unfortunately this tends to make today’s women redundant, obsolete and completely unnecessary.
I highly suggest that you stop whining and complaining about men; and concentrate on fixing your own gender instead of trying to fix men.
Trust me we are just fine the way we are and far happier without you.
Luna
To sum it all up in a neat package even you can understand:
As a fantasy women are the hottest game in town.
Unfortunately the reality today’s women have chosen to become:
Is that they are biggest bunch of whiners, complainers and liars that have ever walked upon the face of this planet.
And as such today’s women are neither worth the time, effort, money nor the risk of having anything to do with.
You do not need to write things in a way “even I can understand”. I have a bacc. and I speak 4 foreign languages and my level of education and my upbringing have given me the tools and resources to always seek a way to rise above the hate. This is a path you obviously do not wish to walk.
I feel very sorry for you because it seems to me you never experienced love, partnership and support from other people or you were scarred by some event in your life which is why you have been in my comment section with nothing but hate for women. I hope you will find healing and learn respect for all human beings and realize we are all equal regardless of our gender.
I wish the best for you David and I hope you heal from your traumas and love finds you soon.
Wow, this is actually shocking, my gut wrenched.. Wow. No words. Wow.
Good thoughtful post. DV of any kind is never acceptable. Marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership, but can easily go off the rails when one partner tries to be more equal than the other and exert total control. During the pandemic, it can be tough if not impossible to exist in such a relationship. The solution is that each partner must think of the other first. This sounds easy, but each partner must work at it, rather than treat it as a class project where one partner does all the work. We’ve been working on our project for 43 years and we are still working together.
The reason our nation has both a President and a Vice President instead of Oo-Presidents who are equal to reach other is because “Equal Partnerships” do not work – they never have throughout history and they never will.
In a Traditional marrage the husband submits to his wifes managing their household. While she respects her husband and submits to his lawful authority over her and their children.
What todays women define as an equal partnership is the 100 percent submission of their male partner to their domination.
This is why so called equal partnerships do not – never have – and will never exist within the framework of politics – business and especially marriage.
Politics is about power, influence, money and law. Relationships are about love, partnership and respect. Let me repeat this one more time: RESPECT! I don’t think your problem is that women want to be dominant or that we are “oppressing” men. Your problem is that men are losing the privilege they had in the past that was based only on the fact that they were men. Feminists are not fighting for dominance, but for equality which should be granted to all human beings. At the end of the day, the same worms are going to eat all of us.
“In a Traditional marrage the husband submits to his wifes managing their household. While she respects her husband and submits to his lawful authority over her and their children.” – this shows your level of understanding for human rights and the fight for equality. No one should have any type of authority over anyone in a relationship because that is simply not healthy and only insecure, deeply damaged people have the need to hold authority over women and especially children. It often shows they have no authority over their own life or anything else.
With my 24 years on this Earth I am very openly going to tell you that this statement sounds as if you came from a different century and that you need to check your privilege and realize that women are not sitting around and waiting for their “lawful authority” to come home so they can serve dinner. Welcome to the 21st.
Forget any feminist or “ist” words.. life is about love and respect.. your words are very dogmatic..
This sounds rather lovely and this type of insight could’ve only been shared by someone sharing love and life with the same person for 43 years. A lot of things stand in the way of happiness in partnerships and the lockdown is a big challenge for everyone. I wish you many more happy years working on your project <3
Neither the husband nor the wife should ever be considered as a chattel of the other. If this occurs, the relationship is doomed for a variety of reasons, I need not name here. When marriage becomes a battle or a contest, it ceases to be a marriage. In life, we all assume we have power or control over others, but, we really only have power over ourselves. Power exerted on others for its own sake is nothing more than bullying and we have all seen enough of that in the last 4-5 years. We should all think how we would receive someone else’s forceful direction, before we dish it out. Chances are such power is not about love. Chances also are it will be received with either fear or loathing, neither of which are love. I have worked for women, with women and as a manager with women reports. As long as everyone is treated as a member of the team and with respect, relationships work. As in marriage, men are not always right and neither are women. When we accept that we make mistakes, we become human. To err is human to forgive divine.
Thanks for this post especially knowing that you’re a survivor. violence against women and girls has escalated under this pandemic particularly because they are locked in with their abusers with limited or no access to services (hotlines, shelters etc) or to “escape” to work or school. It is true that men are also subject to violence at the hand of their female partners but often the violence against women is on the basis that they are women, that they’re not biologically equal to men and fueled by inequalities. Thanks for bringing this scourge to this platform.
Todays women have many advantages over their male partners.
For starters they can have their male partners removed from their home with a single phone call.
Women are always believed regardless of the evidence. Hence a man who has been beaten to pulp by his female partner will still be arrested and charged with DV against her even though there isn’t a single mark on her.
I’ve studied this issue for years and will not tolerate cherry picked statistics nor outright fabrications feminists intentionally rely on with both malice and forethought.
Can you please tell me what is this country where men get removed from houses because of a phone call? Because I don’t need a statistic to know that when the cops come they do their thing, take the abuser to spend the night in jail or a different institution if the person is under the influence. For me, the cycle went on for years, the cops where at our doors constantly and not once did it have any consequences of which you so loudly speak- not even when they came to my mother with blood running down her nose. So can you please tell me what is this country you speak of because obviously the problem is not the abusers but the fact that we live in the wrong country with faulty legal systems where the victims and abusers are not separated? Where are these instant consequences for abuse, where do women get men “removed” from their homes with a single phone call? Because from what I, and anyone who understands how the system works, know is that you cannot just call the cops. You have to also call a lawyer, pay a lawyer, go to court etc. to get someone “removed” because they are abusing you and the court needs documents and proof of the abuse, you need to have witnesses and trust me if anyone who is abused had the money to cover these expenses and go through a trial, they would not be in court, they would use that money to move out, run, protect themselves in any way possible if they believe their life is in danger. This is again, not to say that there aren’t women who lie about abuse or take advantage of situations to show themselves as victims, but nowhere did I state that women are always the victims and that men are always the abuser. I specifically wrote that and this platform is opened for everyone who wants to share their story (not a study or statistics). I was speaking primarily about women because I am one and I lived in domestic violence and it is not my place to speak about abused men because there are actual male abuse survivors who deserve that place and deserve to speak about their own experience. I will not take that away from them on my platform.
No one tried to discredit abuse against men in this post or the comments, but I guess some are too scared of women speaking their truth about abuse and standing up for themselves and others, to realize it.
Well said.
Thank you for the support! The situation has been difficult for those living in domestic violence with the pandemic, which is why more and more of us need to be very loud about this problem. We need to break the stigma surrounding abuse so that those who are victims know they are not alone. Every new story, no matter how painful, is always a little grain of encouragement for those who are still trying to save themselves.
Well said. 100% agree!!!!
The way you have written is beautiful. By just reading your feelings I can understand your emotions. It must have been painful to remember something you want to forget forever. I hope like this you keep educating other and by others I don’t specify any gender. If your are a female, male, or any other gender you have the right to speak up and do so. I believe your future may bloom with a fragrance of blessing.
Thank you <3
These stories and these experiences need to be shared because the more people know they are not alone, the more they will feel encouraged to speak up and seek help.
Your welcome
Very interesting subject. Nice work
I’m really glad to see this post that there are people who care about these things
You have said it all. With this post, you represent so many women who are angry and in anguish and tired of staying silent.
I am currently watching a series called ‘The haves and the have nots’ and in it, the main actor keeps having affairs. Infact he had 9 affairs, and the wife new all about them. But still she stayed in the loveless marriage.
Reading this post, I feel so guilty for not feeling angry about what this woman was going through.
However, I realise it is the same case in real life. Most of us watch as other women are abused and claim its none of our business. Its as if we are watching a film.
Its sad but it happens. We all need to actively participate in this fight against gender based violence.
Thanks Luna for reminding us of our rage😍
wow…so much to know about and i’m so glad to see your comment ann
Luna, thank you for sharing what must have been a really painful emotional experience for you. Keep fighting the good fight sister! It’s your voice, and people like you, who are needed to make sure the world doesn’t forget just because of certain ‘advancements’ that women in almost three-quarters of the world are still living in conditions more akin to the middle ages than the 21st century
well said
you write with authenticity and feeling. I admire that very much. keep it on. Will be praying for you.
I haven’t read the entire thing yet, but I just want to say this before I forget. I have problems remembering things from my past too, a lot of my childhood seem to be non existent in my mind.
And when anyone ask me questions about my childhood, I can’t provide much information.
My mind will carry me inside a room I’ve been in, in my childhood, but won’t bring me too far into the room. But I have the knowing that something happened in that room.
My body also reacts to certain things that my mind remembers not 💕
‘Stop bullying women into thinking they are crazy when they are unhappy’
I give you praises for writing this line 🙌🏽 it needed to be said.
Thank you for being our voice, and as a result… thank you for being our rage and redefining the rights we should have as individuals that have been through a lot 💞
A very interesting narrative here you have woven, and even more interesting comments.
I’m probably around the age of David M. Green, and see where he is coming from, that lofty perch of the superior male. Though men may think they are the stronger of the sexes, emotionally they are not (generally speaking) and never have been. Women are tough, we endure. And we deserve more than we have gotten.
I once read that “anger is our immune system against injustice.” Anger can be a good thing, and it’s important that we let ourselves feel it. <3
This brought tears, I have a little difficulty with expressing anger, I naturally numb it down and your words…were liberating…Thank you <3