Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna, let’s start.
In many of my previous posts in which I discuss some struggles I’ve been having, I noticed that I often mention my age, the concept of getting older, adulthood etc. I honestly thought that this fear of getting older was something that the patriarchy installed in me as a woman but it was much more than that.
Just to put it out there, I am 24 and paranoid about it.
You want to know why?
Because the world is constantly trying to tell me that my life will start to end around the age of 25. Let me explain!
My surrounding is very traditional when it comes to those “steps” you have to take in life – grow up, school, job, marriage, kids, die. There is this norm that’s imposed on 20-something people when they start getting closer to 30 than they are to 20 and this norm makes the future look like a fucking cage. At least to me.
It’s like you can make decisions, navigate your life freely, pick a career, do what you love and then you become 25+ and that choice is gone. What was done was done, what you studied you studied, you better have a good job and a roof over your head because it’s time to “settle down”. EXCUSE ME?
NO.
For the love of actual God, stop expecting people to fit in with your standards and your rules of what their life should be. Tradition is a thing of the past. We live in a world that is constantly changing and expecting for a 20-something or even a 30 year old to just have her/his life figured out is insane.
I am going to speak from my own perspective. Had I not quit grad school, I would have graduated last year which means that I would be unemployed in the middle of a pandemic. Luckily, I quit, got a job, got a promotion and I am still trying to navigate working on a position that wasn’t really what I went to university for and I never thought I would end up on it. I am still figuring out who I actually want to be and what I want to do in life and this pressure that I need to have it all figured out is making me anxious.
Maybe in two years I decide to go back and graduate. Maybe I will have some sudden desire to start my own business. Maybe I decide to say goodbye to everyone and start backpacking through Europe. Why the fuck shouldn’t I have the option to change my life path completely?
I think that growing older is causing a lot of anxiety for me because I have no one to talk to about this. People around me seem to have a plan, have this all figured out and I often feel like this weirdo that is constantly unhappy, gets easily bored with everything, cannot sit down and make a plan for the future. One of the reasons why I do not like making plans is because it feels like I impose more limits than guidelines on myself when I start planning my future.
For me, not conforming to the norms is the only way to live because conforming would make me lose sight of the things I want and my dreams. It would also kill me in my twenties. I believe that many living in more “traditional” societies understand what I am saying and that we all just need for the world to back off and give us room to grow and create our own futures.
Let me know what you think and have you experienced similar things!
Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna
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Please, please, please… and I repeat… please follow your own chosen path. “Timing” is a crappy concept. I was married at 25 under societal pressure that I might not be able to find a good “match” later on. Lost a pregnancy at 26, had to quit a wonderful job because of family reasons but still holding on to hope that things will get better soon. Things will work out for you too, hopefully soon. Xx.
Not one person ever follows the same life path. I’ve been fearing no longer existing since I was 18. I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life. As a kid I hoped my teen years would be great…Teens sucked, 20’s did a lot different jobs settled on 1 at 29 been there ever since, self published zines and comics, ..20’s kind of sucked too, 30’s was greatly involved in multiple aspects of the arts..spent a lot of time showcasing art but then my Mom died when I was 31…30’s sucked, turned 40 met a woman 12 years my junior we dated and married 3 years later…Still creative, blogging…But life continued to have it’s ups and downs…My Dad died in August of 2019, he didn’t live to see me turn 50. At nearly 51, still happily married, still creating art, making music, and now trying podcasting. Despite surviving Covid on my 50th…My 50’s for once feel less sucky than normal. Chin up Luna. Life is what you make it.
I wish I’d not tried to live up to the demands and expectations of others when I was younger; it made for a miserable first marriage at age 21 and an early divorce by age 26.
Do your own thing and don’t be pressured.
Hey I fully empathise with where you’re at. I’m 25 now but the past year has been a massive transformation due to lockdown restrictions here in ireland. Probably the biggest thing I’ve learned is that things are only just starting. I finished my masters and don’t have a clue what I want to do but I’m figuring our what I don’t what to do. The whole system of get get job, house and family is an old broken system and it results in people who only have that as a goal having a mid life crisis and many completely falling off the band wagon. The main thing I believe about our twenties is it’s when we need to take big risks and learn what who we are, what we like to do and what we don’t like doing. There’s so much pressure with people watching and if your not seen to be achieving certain goals that the people around you are achieving it feels like your failing at life but that is a very poor thing to measure yourself against. You need to measure yourself based on who you were yesterday not who other people are today. Career and business metrics don’t mean success in life happiness does.
Much love and keep learning who you are.
Coffee
Such a good read 👏🏼
Good morning, Luna.
That sounds good … Luna, like I’m addressing the Goddess 🙂
Very interesting article, thank You for it … exactly as you wrote … the world we live in NOW is changing at such a pace … I’m 46, I’m married, I have a child, house, I had a well-paid job for 19 years .. .I had everything … and two years ago I was hit by car a 72-year-old driver,he didn’t pay attention to the road, I have experienced clinical death, coma, etc … everything suddenly turned upside down, i lost almost everything and two years after this event I can say that on…:
Two things keep me alive – Love and poetry. I am very glad that you liked my poem today, I wish you good luck, in life, personal and professional, writing, publishing, in short, just live, that’s the most important thing, live! Have a nice time
Luboš
Goodness! Life can change in a split second. Blessings to you.
Luna, Thank You for your transparency, it’s important for me to hear positive people standing up to the status quo. I didn’t know what to do at 29. 30 was the hardest birthday because I didn’t measure up to my peers. I got to the end of all the trips I’d put on myself. Be Free, Be You and your life will come together and make sense. I’m 58 and free as a bird, the sky is the limit and I am completely endowed with PEACE, and more so I have HOPE , Peaceful vibes to you
So here’s the thing….I believe we should never, EVER stop learning!! And that means learning about ourselves. As an old lady, I have begun several different jobs after retiring from teaching (editor of a woman’s magazine, graphic designer, blogger). There is so much life to be lived! How can anyone expect someone in their twenties to be “done”? Our brains don’t even fully “form” until we are in our mid-twenties.
I say, explore, learn, experience, and hopefully you will discover what makes your soul happy–and make money at it!!
And here’s another “old lady” bit of wisdom…everybody has an opinion. It’s even worse now with all the available ways to voice that opinion! But only ONE person has to walk in your shoes. You know who it is–YOU! And from this point of view, you are doing a fine job of that. Big hugs and blessings on your journey!
Why does everyone think they have to use foul language to be cool. It’s not.
I did not follow the “traditional path” of my siblings. They all went to college, all but one met their mate in college, then got married and jobs. Two of them divorced in their 30’s, one didnt marry until his 40’s. I married at 18, had four children by the time I was 23 and am a grandma to 9, married 40 years, and not done working on things I enjoy. I never want to stop learning or working to help all those i am able. According to the Bible, many men didn’t come into their positions until 40 years old; Moses, Caleb and Joshua were all 80 when they came into their positions God had for them. In generations before us, the majority of people were blessed to live past 45 years old. Make the most of what is offered to you and live the life God made you uniquely to live! Thanks for checking out my blog Luna! Oh, about the cuss words; you’ll grow out of those; they don’t add anything to your life r your writing, but you’ll have to work to find other appropriate words to substitute.
To thine own self be true.
Hi. So much support is heart warming. After spending half of my life trying to figure out what I want to do, I have given up. It’s a great feeling to just drift along in this dynamic and ever changing world. Last year, COVID taught us that the best laid plans can go awry. So enjoy what you are doing today. Tomorrow is another day and we will welcome it when the sun rises.
I’m 27 and I’ve completely changed the course of my life few times now, and I feel like it will happen few more times.
I finished my graduate school but after 2 years of working in the same profession, I decided I never again want to do it. I moved to another country two times. I changed my life course towards creativity and working for myself. It’s still a work in progress, but I decided I’ll create a life based on my values, not society’s. It’s much easier to conform and do what everybody else is doing, but I can’t ignore the devastating effect a life like that has on my health and quality of living. I’d rather change my life completely every few years and have to start from the scratch, have to reinvent myself, than to slowly die in my own misery… I know it might sound to harsh, but it is like that… Listening to our own bodies, our desires and needs should be the priority… Sending love