I had an interesting revelation last week in therapy. Yes, I will be one of those people who will start a conversation with “You know what my therapist told me last week?”
At the beginning of the session, we did a meditation (because my therapist is cool like that) and after that we discussed a point I brought up in my previous session about 2022 being a complete failure of a year for me. We are trying to work through my self-criticism and I am learning how to go easy on myself.
I had to write a list and it was divided into three sections which were creativity, personal life and health/spiritual life. Funny enough, I criticized myself for not moving forward with my career or getting my certificate, but it wasn’t on the list. It wasn’t even on my mind. I think I just focused on my career to keep my mind away from what was really bothering me and that was my loss of creativity.
This is the reason why it was so hard for me to come back to my blog. It was a reminder that my writing, my creativity was just lost. It felt like my well of inspiration was just dry and my life felt empty because of it. Losing my ability to write is like losing a limb for me. It is a very real pain that I have been carrying around for 9 months.
My first thought was that my life became so monotonous that I just had nothing to write about. Then my mind jumped to the conclusion that I actually don’t view my own life through that creative lens or that I am unable to find beauty or express pain in my unique way.
In order to stop my overthinking, we dedicated ourselves to the rest of the list and this is where the interesting revelation came. Through the talking and writing I actually linked my loss of creativity with my loss of femininity.
Before, when I wasn’t going through a 9-month long writers block, I didn’t even realize that my femininity had anything to do with my creativity. For me, it was two different worlds. Being a woman and feeling as such was something that I was and writing was something that I did.
When I talk about loss of femininity, I am not talking about the fact that I am not wearing makeup, dressing up etc. Those things are a physical manifestation of what is going on inside of me. Somewhere along the way, in the last 6 years I spent in my identity crisis, I started to feel like less of a woman and as that part of me faded away, my creative energy went with it.
I was so focused on figuring my life out as soon as possible that I didn’t realize that I started to put limits on my own soul. I believed I was pretty resilient, but those outside forces telling me how I should look, dress, eat, walk, talk, live, work got to me. I was no longer the individual I was before I got into my 20is. My life was performative. I was on a stage performing some role but I never fit in with all those rules and regulations placed upon women. In trying to achieve the coveted societal definition of femininity, I lost my own sense of it and lost my creativity.
All of the sudden, my struggle to overcome the writer’s block was no longer about reading more, having new experiences etc. It started to be the need to completely rediscover myself, rebuild my spiritual life, find my feeling of femininity, rebuild my confidence.
I am trying to find what was lost and build something new. Something that will again feel mine. Something beautiful.
Love,
Luna
Check out my latest YT video:
It will come, keep being strong
I’m sure you’ll get good clarity, the only way that I would suggest you is to express and explore yourself. Give as much time as you can to make things better.
Love ❤️ 🤗
Keep going Luna. I really resonated with your post. I lost myself and my creativity at the beginning of this year to the point that I had to dramatically change my whole life and what I wanted. My creativity is now just starting to come back and I want to blog and I want to write. It took a long time but when I made peace with my self all the words and inspiration came back. Sending you the best! <3
Wow! What a great post, My Dear! Laying it all out there! Brave you! Strange how certain things we are and do gives us a strong and positive sense of who we are or think we are! Some women, especially in the past had their whole identity wrapped up in being Mom and when they had an empty nest it really affected there feelings about themselves until they grew into the new phase of life. Creativity is a tricky thing, isn’t it? Is that different than inspiration? I guess so.
You always hear people say “write what you know or about yourself” I like to learn new things and imagine things through the life of others. There’s plenty of inspiration there. I like to keep a Word Bank of Titles, words, phrases and ideas and some writings by others that have awesome lines. This has helped me find a word and write something off that word – like a word prompt had the word Dubious – I loved that word and all it’s different meanings in situations and wrote – A Dubious Lover
It’s not on WP and unpublished but if you have an interest I’d be happy to share – chucklindholm@hotmail.com
I can highly recommend a book that has really been a blessing to me that you might enjoy
POEMCRAZY – check it out on Amazon
https://www.amazon.com/Poemcrazy-Freeing-Your-Life-Words/dp/0609800981/ref=sr_1_3?crid=EVXRD248D2SA&keywords=poem+crazy+freeing+your+life+with+words&qid=1665688741&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjgyIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=poemcra%2Caps%2C112&sr=8-3
You might find a way out of your writer’s block by learning to write Elfchens. They are simple, fun, fast. Just 11 words on any subject that moves you. I write them at those long 3 minute stoplights.
Here’s a sample (mine is #15)
https://stepsinbetween.com/2020/02/02/youre-invited-elfchen-poetry-potluck/
Hope you get your creativity back soon. Was it something you said to your Muse? LOL
😊😁💕🌹
Dear Luna, I wish you the very best on your journey to rediscover yourself. Great write! 👍
I can really relate to that. I have felt stagnant so many times. I started writing in my journal after I worked out and just let whatever comes to mind flow. Sometimes it was nothing, sometimes I just kept going. It seemed to really begin to bring out my creative mind.
Indeed, some of the best writers’ advice came f on Ursula LeGuin ~ “If you want to be a writer, write!” After a year of spilling out a thousand words a day I looked back to find my product amazingly improved.
Best advice!
Anything creative requires feminine energy. It’s true for men as well. I realised with therapy that I had shut off my feminine energy completely during my early adulthood and stopped believing I had a creative side to me. I connect with my emotions better now, I can feel better (still a long way to go), I’m learning to paint and sing. Slowly, I’m starting to identify the creative person in me. I’m still working on tapping in to the feminine energy in me. I’ve made good progress though, thanks to therapy. (And yeah, I also start off a lot of my writing with what my therapist said. I even have a category now that says ‘conversations with my therapist’ 😁)
Very inspiring we are rooting for you ❤
Hi, you liked one of my posts, and as I am new to your work, I wasn’t aware you weren’t writing for nine months. I’ve never experienced creative blocks or identity crisis, but maybe contemplate for a moment that You never truly “lost” your femininity or your creativity in your life, Luna. Imagine there is no such thing as writers block. It take 9 months to gestate a child. Birthing a child is the most feminine symbol there is. You feel like you had a creative block, but that’s just a story you’re caught up in. The “what’s wrong with me” and the “who am I” story. But think of the stages of growing a creative being… your stories are your children (in this metaphor). Long story short, there will come a time in your personal evolution where you will know no barriers to creativity. It will flow out of you naturally. In the meantime read classic books and books you’d otherwise never read. Read the dead authors. They will grease your wheels. You will feel inspired. You will discover kindred spirits. Best wishes to you! 🙌🏻 ❤︎