Choose yourself

Everyone is so afraid of loneliness that we rarely become aware of the fact that we are actually never alone. While endless thoughts are flying through your head, you are not alone. Loneliness comes creeping up when we lose a friend, our family’s support, when we are single or when we just don’t feel connected to other people. Because of this we often “drown” ourselves so much in other people and please everyone just to keep them around that we become unaware of the damage we are causing to ourselves.

The problem of loneliness isn’t in not having anyone, it’s in not being aware that we have ourselves.

First you have to establish a healthy connection to yourself. You will know when that happens because in that moment loneliness will no longer be a problem and the silence won’t feel so creepy. It’s good to choose yourself. It’s good to work on yourself. It’s good to become a bit introverted in order to find your inner peace.

Putting your own needs ahead of everything else isn’t selfish – it’s necessary! People who will turn their backs on you for doing so don’t have your best interest in heart. I am not trying to say that you should shut the world out and only give yourself all of your attention. Be there for your family and friends but also think about your needs, put yourself as a priority and stop neglecting your needs and dreams. As long as you are not happy you will never be able to fully integrate yourself in the world and that feeling of loneliness will keep on haunting you.

If you are a career oriented person, sometimes you will have to cancel a coffee date or a night out in order to rest and have enough time for your work or studies. There’s no need to feel bad or left out because of it and if your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend criticize you about it that means that your wellbeing isn’t so important for them. Don’t keep your goals and plans quiet. Explain to others why you do what you do and those who sincerely care about you will support you and find a way to understand you.

Every now and then find a night to close the doors on the world, be alone, turn off the internet and work on yourself and on your inner peace, to make clear plans about reaching your goals. Don’t always cater to other people’s need and ignore yours. You are just as important as other people and on your list of priorities you have to write with big capital letters “ME”!

Link to the article  BAD FEMALE, GO TO YOUR ROOM (and escape through the damn window): https://www.ebay.com/itm/352457536757

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BAD FEMALE, GO TO YOUR ROOM (and escape through the damn window)

Women are so bombarded by standards about their looks, career, obligations, purpose, relationships that most of us feel as if we were inadequate for our role of being a woman. Actually we are made to believe there is actually a role to be played and this isn’t only true for women. Men go through the same thing but since I was born with a vagina, I will speak from my perspective.

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Here I will list things that according to the standards make me bad and inadequate to be a female and to express people’s opinions I will use my trusty friend that I just made up called “Judgmental Judy”.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have never had a long lasting relationship. Most of my relationships end after three months and I absolutely suck at relationships. Judy thinks there’s something wrong with me because I can’t hold on to a relationship for long. She tried to find answers to the question what’s wrong with me in my horoscope and my parent’s failed marriage. Let me just bitch slap you Judy and explain something to other females who are similar to me. Don’t ever think you are missing out on something for choosing to be single.

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I will stop here with this writing. Every female knows what this is like because we all have our own personal Judgmental Judy. I wrote an article under this name and listed it on ebay so you can jump over there and purchase it for only 1$. It’s short and cheap so I really hope you will give it a go and come back here and tell me in the comments if you agree with me!

Link to the article: https://www.ebay.com/itm/352457536757

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You are a survivor

In my post “The story behind the name Luna” I shared a part of my story about domestic abuse. It actually gave me courage to dive deeper into this problem and open up about it here because I think this is a great community to share such stories and help each other. It took me years to speak about the torment my father put me through and I can relate to many children who were abused and today I want to write a little bit about how to deal with abuse after it’s done.

When I was 11,12 years old the problem with my father started solving and it wasn’t over until a few months ago. I haven’t lived with him for years and I last saw him and spoke to him about 5 years ago. That chapter of my life is over now but it still takes me a great amount of strength to close that chapter in my head. My problem was that I identified myself with what he has done to me and I believe that’s the problem of many abused children out there. We develop a bad opinion about ourselves based on what the person who abused us had done to us. We often feel like we aren’t worthy of anything, become introverted, depressed, scared to live the lives we deserve and we can’t step out of our pasts. Going through abuse leaves a strong scar on the one’s personality, sometimes even on our bodies and I will be quite honest and say it’s impossible to hide that scar or erase it so wear it proudly!

Don’t be ashamed of yourself and of who you are and of what you’ve been through. Instead of waking up every morning feeling like you are worth less than others, feeling like you will never reach happiness, wake up and say to yourself “I’ve been through hell and I survived that. World, bring it on because I can handle you!”. Don’t call yourself an abuse victim but rather call yourself a survivor because that’s what you are. Your body and mind were strong enough to handle the weight of abuse and I know how heavy that weight is and you are still here. You are biting and scratching your way through life. You know how to handle difficult situations and your power can never be drained out. Even when depression hits and you feel worn out just repeat those words to yourself.

Who you are depends only on what you want to be so be a survivor, be a warrior and show the world there’s happiness after abuse. Learn how to show your scars to the world and demand respect for them and respect your own past because if it wasn’t for it you wouldn’t be the strong person you are. Even if you feel weak, trust me you’re not. Shift your state of mind and you will turn your life around. Remember: You are a warrior, you are a survivor.

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Meditation

Meditation

In my latest post Self-doubt and lack of motivation I decided to be open and honest about some problems I’ve been experiencing lately. I decided to face my problems and resolve them as soon as possible because I just can’t stand being like this anymore.

About a year ago when I went through some difficult times I read a book which definitely changed my perspective of life and encouraged me to change my ways. That beloved book is called The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani. I recommend this book to everyone who wants to change the way they think, their perspective of themselves and the world around them and learn some tricks to reach their full potential.

I came back to that book again but this time it didn’t have the same effect on me but there is something I learned in that book and it’s the importance of meditation. A year ago I was starting to meditate and I was just learning about it for a few months and I remember feeling amazing during that period so I decided to go back to it.

I used Vishen’s guided 6-steps meditation which I find great but also there is another guided meditation that just gets me inspired and puts me in a good mood. The meditation is from a meditation app called Insight Timer (no, this is not an ad) and the meditation is called Connect to Intuition.

This was my first step to getting myself out of my dark place. I’ve started meditating again and it’s been a bit hard because I wasn’t able to focus as well as before but with time and practice I believe I will get good at it again. It does feel great to feel like I’m doing something good for myself though.

I felt very stressed today because I had an exam and when I was walking home from the university it started raining and I didn’t have an umbrella. I was furious at the weather, the sky and everything but a long hot shower, cup of tea and good music made sure my mood was elevated.

Now I need to get started on my assignments so this is all from me today. I honestly hope you like these kind of posts and if you would like to see something different make sure to let me know in the comments below.

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Self-doubt and lack of motivation

Self-doubt and lack of motivation

As you maybe have noticed from the latest posts I’m not feeling so cheerful and happy. I’ve been actually feeling awful the past few weeks. We all have some periods in which we don’t feel confident and we doubt ourselves so I just decided to gather enough courage to actually write about it.

I have been suffocating in work and studying for the last few months and I experienced some emotional hardship in my private life. All of this really wore me out and the problem is I can’t take a breather, you know, take some time for myself to relax because I live a life in which I can’t stop. I don’t know if you can relate to this. I don’t have a very good financial situation so I have to work and that’s hard for me because I have to attend almost all my lectures. Just to explain a little bit, if I miss too many lectures of a certain class I lose the possibility to take the exam at the end of that class which obligates me to pay to listen to that class again and prolongs my studies for another year which I can’t afford. So, there are no breaks for me and I feel like no matter how much I work that it’s never enough and that I’m stuck in one place, not making any progress at all.

I am always extremely nervous and think I forgot something. Even when I’m resting for an hour before going to bed or after lunch I feel like I should be doing something, like I don’t deserve to just relax, have a cup of tea in silence, watch a TV show or something like that. Besides this, I’ve been having extreme doubts about the career I’ve chosen. I’m studying languages, Spanish and Italian, and no matter how much I enjoy this I can’t help myself but wonder if this is the right way to learn them. I’m really trying to stay positive and grateful that I have the opportunity to study what I love, but I’m so suffocated by the things I have to go through to get my diploma that I started doubting what I love and I started to hate it in a way. I can’t really explain this well. My exams are starting in two weeks and I just can’t find an ounce of strength or motivation to start preparing for them.

All of these problems in my let’s call it professional life combined with some problems and losses I’ve experienced in my personal life are punching me in the face every day for the last few weeks. I’ve entered a state of constant tiredness and, what’s worst of all, numbness. What’s very scary for me is that this state of mind reflected on my health. Things just don’t make me happy like they used to and I don’t really feel motivated. I reread some of my old poems, like for example Fight, and I just got to thinking where did my motivation go and I got scared that I won’t be able to get out of this dark place.

So, this is pretty much what’s been going on lately and I hope I wasn’t too boring in this post. If you can relate or are experiencing something similar I would be very happy if you would contact me on my e-mail luna.theblog@gmail.com or DM me on my Instagram so that we could maybe share our experiences and be each other’s support. I know that I will do my best to gather courage to get out of this mess and I will definitely update you on my progress. If you have any advice or just want to share something, leave me a comment below.

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The Breaking Sound

The Breaking Sound

A wide smile on every single picture, but when you see her in person you claim her bitch face brings an ice cold feeling to your bones. You say she has no feelings, you say there’s a hole in her chest but you don’t really care because that’s not the hole in her body you’re interested in. When you get to know her you find a little trace of light in her eyes and you drain it out until her pupils became night dark.

Every time you kissed her did you hear the breaking sound? Did you hear her reach into her velvet, red insides, breaking a part of her ribs to fill the hole someone left in you? Do ice cold women do that? Did you hear the breaking sound every time you made her believe in your point of view? The sound of her will breaking to fit within your rules, the sound of her bones breaking when she tried to make herself look smaller than you, the sound of her hips breaking every time you made her work on top, the sound of her lips breaking every time she had to fake it to build your ego up.

She lived believing you have four hands: two to keep on her throat suffocating her and two to keep over your ears so you wouldn’t hear the bones in her neck breaking. But here’s the thing about women like her. They get hurt but don’t show it. They run to a corner like a wounded wolf to lick their wounds and the taste of their own blood makes them realize they’ve had enough.

Here’s the thing about women like her who will build up people like you with parts of their own body. They will stick their hand into the ground, take the soil and fill the hole they’ve made on their body trying to fix you. She will disappear into thin air, fade away because for you she was never a person, she was an illusion, she was a low-budget romantic movie you wanted her to be. For you she wasn’t a person.

She will be stronger and you will still be running around, scared of loneliness, weak as a leaf underneath her heel, looking for spread legs to contain and hide your insecurities, you will still think people are your medicine.

The breaking sound is gone and so is she.

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Home

Home

HOME – one’s place of residence ; the social unit formed by a family living together

at home

  • 1:  relaxed and comfortable :  at ease

By Merriam – Webster dictionary this is the definition of home and it is accepted by the society. Even when we hear the word home the things that come to our head are a happy family, warmth, our favorite room of our house, the smell of our favorite dish but the problem is that those pictures fade away and all we’re left with are memories or they were never really there.

What is a home?

For me, it should be a place in which we feel comfortable enough to be ourselves, a place in which we are accepted for everything that we are and where we aren’t afraid to face our biggest fears. A bloodline family is not necessary in this picture and neither is a house.

Home can be everything. A person, a song, a place, a piece of clothing, or just ourselves. When we find ourselves in difficult times or when we feel alone, most of the time we want to go home, to the place in which we feel safe so we might as well make that place ourselves.

It’s nice to have someone to lean on and to talk to but at the end of the day, whether you like it or not, you still live inside your skin. Make it comfortable. Learn to be your own backup, your own warrior, your own savior and that feeling of loneliness will slowly fade away. Everyone should work first on their relationship with themselves and then on their relationship with others.

Realize that your own two hands are strong enough to hold you up and build you up.

If you already want to run back home, run back into yourself. At least this way, your home will never be to far away.

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