Idemnify

I am craving…. love.
I am craving warmth.
I am craving affection, and a gentle touch.
I am craving the things she robbed me of as I was learning how to be me.
I was 10, and I hated the mirror. Look at my ugly face, and these pimples, and this body fat, my ears, my nose, my teeth. The list exceeds a mile long. I should’ve been telling myself how beautiful I was, and that my eyes were an emerald sea just begging for you to ask, get to know me.
I mastered the ponytail, and the half up half down, but my skills never got better as you never did anything else..
I watched with kindred eyes behind the scenes, at the mother I wanted- the person I needed to love me.
She drank, and smoke and drank some more. Stayed silent in her room and sat staring at the tile floor.
What was I like? Was I awful? Was I too much to handle?
I wanted to be a ray of sunshine, but I felt like a puddle of mud.
How did you do that to me? Why am I here if I am nothing?
What’s sad is I think that you tried, and gave me what you could from what was left of you, but unfortunately for me I was third in line and scraping the bottom of the barrel.
I am craving love
The love you never gave to me
The love I try to tell myself I so desperately deserved
I should’ve known that I was beautiful, and that the pimples were apart of gross hormones. I should have known that the body fat I thought I had was nothing more than 5 pounds that would stick around. I should’ve known that these things I hate about myself could have been loved, should have been loved.
I am in a whirlpool of self loathe, and depression, of questions and tension.
I always come back to the same question in the end, why?
Indemnify

Hi! Cadlynne Dovel here, hopeless romantics. Withering relationship, mother of one and animal lover beyond what words can express.
Blog: https://n0tyetforgotten.wordpress.com/
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/cadlynnechristine/

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

Late Night Soliloquy

Should I?
Pondering the unanswerable,
A quandary wrapped in an enigma.
Palpable, but not quite tangible.
Instant relief equals eternal stigma.
Could I?
The instrument is in my hand,
A tool that can cure or destroy.
The gesture is certainly grand,
Is this delusion or a ploy?
Would I?
Can my sanity be bought?
Is relief worth the price?
Reality is harsher then a thought,
Here I lie. A burden of my own device.

My name is Jesse, I am a writer. I post both poetry and mental health pieces about my own struggles and journey on my blog here: https://oneregulardad.home.blog/

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

Connection

I thought, love has an end
which of course is marriage
but I am in love with a friend
who asks and seeks nothing
Just listens to my breaths
and heartbeats and kisses
to dust away my stress

I thought, love has an end
and she is getting married
but my love for her is the same
I ask and seek for nothing
Just a moment with her
to brush the chunks of pain away
hidden inside this heart
which of course is mine
and will always have the same shine

I thought, love has an end
which I understood is not marriage
but a moment with someone
who calmly warms the desires
crawling to be loved for a moment
comforting the body with hugs
spending some minutes of relief
from the outer world which anyways
will exist because of its nature

no longing and no pain
we both seek mental gain
extracting some minutes
from the precious time of greed
which ‘damn’ is for money
some how our minds mentally
connected and arranged
for this story has no end
as long as we are not dead

My name is Kritika and the website: www.undressedthoughts.com has everything about me.

Instagram Handle: @undressedthoughts

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

Spotlight

I often worry that I am not enough
But is it you, that makes me feel so down in the dumps?
a parched flower begging to be watered
leaves wilting off and hearing the smallest scrapes
as they hit the ground day by day…
Do you still get butterflies when you hear my name?
Do you still smile, when you remember how we met,
or pass the things that remind you of me?
Am I a burning flame dwindling in your very presence?
Flickering at the passes you never make at me.
A caged dove. Begging to be set free.
Begging to be.
Begging to fly and not look back.
Love without limits and matter of fact
I did, I loved you like that.
And what about me?
Your hearts in self destruct, attack.
Leave me be, don’t bring me back.
Bleeding out alive, there is nothing more calming than this.
I’ve tried, and I’ve fought my fight.
Little brawn and big might
Do you still love me?
Spotlight

Hi! Cadlynne Dovel here, hopeless romantics. Withering relationship, mother of one and animal lover beyond what words can express.
Blog: https://n0tyetforgotten.wordpress.com/
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/cadlynnechristine/

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

Life is a Quandry

what to do, how to act, what’s appropriate, feelings awry
strangers and friends providing all the best intentions and directions
i’m feeling so messed up with all the right answers

Susi Bocks has self-published two books – Feeling Human and Every Day I Pause. Currently, she is an Associate Editor at the virtual coffee shop – Fictional Café. You can find her work at IWriteHer.com or follow on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/MyHumanityInWrittenForm/, where she invites you to read her thoughts and get to know her. Bocks had some of her work previously published at Scarlet Leaf Review, VitaBrevis, Spillwords, Literary Yard, as well as other literary magazines.

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

Under

About to go under
Listen I never been punctured by a knife
Only voices that spoke volumes inside
Never been physically stabbed but I got scars in my soul
That took a toll On me
It finally made me try and heal to feel whole
No matter what I tried I never healed correctly like my arm
Thoughts used to run wild so much I thought about being armed
A little voice told me to just be calm
See the thing about being verbally abused is it doesn’t really hurt until you hear the same stuff from your pops and mom
The same stuff that you can’t control is what enemies tend to use against you
My only advice is to always be confident in yourself
Without a insecurity they don’t have leverage
Now I’m not doing this cause I’m desperate
I’m doing this to get rid of my insecurity
And finally feel like the man again
I have been verbally beaten for 8 years
I have shed millions of tears
Just looking for a cure
I found one
If it wasn’t meant to be
He wouldn’t have let me get to this point
It’s almost time to go
So I’ll see y’all on the other side

My name is K. Exum. I’m a writer, blogger and poet from Maryland. Looking to make my childhood dreams my reality.

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

Cry it out

It has been a long time since I posted anything authentic on my blog so here I am, just a girl, a blogger, a writer, telling you that my inspiration should be on the back of a milk carton because it’s MISSING!

I am fighting this writer’s block for more than a month now which is why I haven’t been posting a lot of my original work. At the beginning I just thought it was because I have moved past some experiences which used to fuel my writing (which I actually did), then I took on the excuse that it’s because I work too much and then I started to believe that I haven’t been reading enough, dedicating myself to art enough which caused my block. All of these reasons are correct but they are not the main reason why it has been hard for me to write lately.

The main reason is that I became detach from myself. I can feel something just bottled up inside of me and I am trying to keep it that way by not addressing the issue. It’s hard to actually explain what it is because I have no idea what it is. I just know that somewhere in the last few months something snapped inside of me and it resulted in my inspiration just fading away.

I want to talk to you today about the first sign that actually pointed to this issue. Crying. I know that mostly people associate crying to sad events and feel uncomfortable talking about it (as if it wasn’t completely normal) but crying is therapeutic.  Crying as well as laughing actually heals your soul in many ways and crying helps you to just let go of anything that has been causing you pain and suffering.

My problem isn’t that I cried a lot, my problem is that I didn’t feel the need to cry at all for a long time. Shit happened, I had reasons to be sad in the past few months but nothing. Nada. Zero tears. You remember I mentioned something bottled up inside? Well, it started to boil inside of me obviously and then it started. I just choke up because of random things, my eyes get filled with tears because of such random events that I am now going insane and telling people that I have allergies.

Whatever I bottled up, wants to burst out and this is why I learned the importance of crying at the wonderful age of 23. There’s nothing wrong with crying. Sit down, get yourself a glass of wine, put on some sad songs and cry it out. You will feel better and you will be more connected to your emotions.

I have a lot of work to do on myself to repair this damage I unconsciously inflicted upon myself, my writing, my soul and mental health but I am getting there. I just wanted to share this with you because I think it’s important to talk out loud about crying and getting in touch with your emotions, recognizing pain instead of trying to hide it. Don’t bottle things up so you don’t end up like me now.

Anyways, I hope all of this made some sense. As you can see this writer’s block is causing me difficulties with expressing my point but the only way to beat it is to WRITE WRITE WRITE and cry obviously.

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna