Am I here because of who I am or
because I conveniently came along on a lonely night?
Is it really me you want or
is there a hole you need to fill?
Don’t you know that people become as empty and hollow
as those empty spaces you are trying to fill out with their presence.
I keep my heart concealed.
I keep my personality silent.
I keep my truth locked in my throat.
I do it because I hear echoes of past experiences
in his voice and it makes me scared.
I guess I would rather hold on to fear,
do everything to keep myself safe than
take a fucking chance at happiness.
I have these memories of you holding
my hand and laying by my side. I remember you
running to my house late at night when I
wasn’t feeling alright.
Do you know what it feels like when you
create a perfect love in your mind and then
you snap out of it and realize you were just
I took a cold shower to get a hold of myself.
Every single drop on my skin screamed: Why
are you such mess, wake up from wonderland!
Where am I going? – I don’t know. The only thing I’m
sure of is that I got to get over somebody who was
never mine. I was running in a circle of letting myself
down and obviously I thought I was running a marathon.
I’ll just avoid seeing you in real life because I forgot
how to differ my reality from the world outside. I’ll
spend another night dreaming about you and then
I’ll find the courage to say: Goodbye, my made-up love
Like a paper in flames I burned out.
I’ve let my mind drag me to the ground.
I let it control how I feel and I’ve let it
poison the life in me.
Hurtful words started to find their way
out of my mouth and like an addict I fed
on the pain and it was my drug. Like a fly
I got stuck in the spider web and I’m not trying
to free myself.
This great shadow raised itself from my eyes
and covered the world I used to love. Even if
I ran a thousand miles I’d still feel it like a ghost
creeping upon my thoughts.
Sometimes I wake up at the dawn and
let the sunrise fill my head with hope but
the magic disappears from my reach and
I realize I can’t push it down, I can’t hide
what’s in me. I became such a pain addict.
You don’t talk much and I am an overthinker.
Your silence shouts loudly in my mind.
Please tell me something, even if its dark.
Draw a map for me before I jump to conclusions
and jump out of your life. I can’t read your mind
but I can read too much between the lines.
I was scared of deepness
but your hand around my waist
kept me safe on the surface of the sea.
It was the first time that somebody didn’t
let me sink.
Your words and the sound of waves always
made me shiver. The taste of sea and the sunrays
dancing on your skin will appear in my dreams.
You carved memories on my heart instead of scars.
Skinny dipping, talking, running and laughing.
Everything felt simpler when you were around.
Even though you’re kissing my neck while
I’m writing these lines I have to leave you, I have
to say goodbye. Please don’t ask me to stay and don’t
make this harder on yourself. Just kiss me one more time,
let go of my hand and remember me every now and then.
Darling you’re like this fourth
glass of wine and cigarette between my fingers
I just keep on coming back to you
because you’re in my blood system.
I inhale your lust and exhale
your desire while your two days old
beard is caressing my cheek. You
linger between my lips long after you’re gone.
I drink your words like this red wine
and I can never get enough.
You get me drunk with your touch.
When ever I pour me another one
I want you by my side.
Whenever I light up another one
I can feel your presence and I crave
your lips on mine. If only I could
have you in the nearest shop like a
fresh pack I wouldn’t be alone tonight.
Some winter nights I stay up and look
at the sky possessed by the wish to see you
and hold you between my fingers tight. Then
I would just bring you to my lips and you’d be mine.
I’m empting this bottle and this pack and
I’m realizing you’re not around.
Like this cigarette, you are my vice and even though
you poisoned me you made me feel alive.
Like a cigarette I burned out. Your arrival
will be the fire – come here and light me up.