Hello everyone and don’t judge me because of the topic I decided to talk about in my new video.
The past few days I dealt with heavy subjects and I just wanted to give my brain a break so I talked about social media and the Kardashians because there’s nothing more synonymous in the world than that.
If you don’t know, and ignorance is bliss people, an unedited photo of Khloe K. was posted online and they made a circus off it. I will just be giving my honest opinion about toxic body image that is imposed on us, toxic Instagram culture and how this family has negatively contributed to both.
I cannot wait to be crucified and insulted if this video catches the eye of one of their diehard supporters.
I hope you are having a lovely weekend! I know I’ve been off the grid but I am just trying to deal with everything and I decided to not abandon my blog and publishing schedule this time so my youtube video is here, just two days late.
I will just give you some nature and have a cup of coffee with you and talk about random stuff and everything that’s been going on lately. Grab yourself a cup of coffee, tea, a beer or anything else and give me your opinions in the comments as always!
It was a little lie. Yesterday I told you that I don’t have a video for you but I did. I was just extremely insecure about posting it. I tried to write what I said in this video but the post was constantly looking like an absolute mess because I was constantly jumping from one thing to the next, I couldn’t form a sentence well – it was awful.
I decided to get over my fear and publish the video I made on Wednesday, a day after I published I am not doing okay again. This is literally me working through my issues on camera, talking about domestic abuse, dealing with trauma and emotions.
I thought that publishing my first video ever was scary but this is the scariest thing I ever published because I feel very vulnerable. But maybe this is what I need. I need to be open, honest, vulnerable and stop thinking people will call me crazy or make fun of me. If I can’t speak to people directly about this, I will speak to a camera.
I am getting better. I know that my last post was just me having an absolute meltdown so I just wanted to put this out there. I am getting better.
I read all of your comments and hopefully I will manage to reply this weekend. It was all overwhelming for me which is why I did not start replying sooner and did not put out a new post regarding all of this.
The best path for me now was just dealing with the mess in my head and putting that first, the rest will fall in place once the fog is lifted. Here’s a nice spring picture that I took yesterday and made me happy:
Thank you for being so wonderful and so supportive and full of love! I was very sad to read that many of you can relate to what I am going through because I don’t want to think that any of you feel this way but on the other hand it made me feel less alone in it… If that makes sense.
I know that Friday is Youtube video day, but this Friday will be an exception. Feel free to checkout luna.theblog youtube channel if you haven’t already.
As soon as I am back up on my feet, I will resume my usual blogging activities. I am actually getting some posts ready because nothing inspires writing in me like pain.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend and that you are happy!
I feel like my life updates on this blog are currently: I am okay / I am getting depressed. That’s it. I think I need therapy.
So yes, I have been consistently working on myself, eating better, working out, reading, meditating and then something just happened. But nothing actually happened. Like my body and mind are just fighting against the good decisions I am trying to make for myself. It’s like I am inviting chaos in my life and I cannot control it.
It all started on Sunday. I was just so damn emotional and sad and lonely. I got up on Monday at 6 as I do to do my workout before my job starts and I barely made it through. I felt itchy the whole day. I couldn’t sit still but I also didn’t want to move. But there was this uncomfortable energy inside of me.
And then I broke my clean eating and all of my good habits by binge eating. That was the alarm. That’s when I was like: January is about to repeat itself. Shit.
I barely made it out of bed this morning. I stayed in bed longer which is usually a sign for me that I am either ill or just not doing well. I was fighting with my craving for nicotine. I drank my coffee and the only think I could think about were cigarettes. I felt so bad. I had to have an internal talk with myself about how far I came without cigarettes and that it’s an unhealthy habit that is not easy to break and that I shouldn’t go back.
And then I sat down and decided to write because pretending I am fine and pretending like this is just a small issue is not going to work for me anymore. Putting stuff in writing means that I admit they are real. That’s why I write about my feelings and insecurities and problems and everything. Otherwise, I don’t consider it real and do not deal with it.
So yes, it’s important for me to let the world know that I am in a grey area. I am doing my best to not go to the dark area of my mind and to spiral again as I did at the beginning of the year. Getting better is a journey and I have to be honest with myself about the good and bad times of it.
All advice, book recommendations and other forms of help are welcome. This is a step forward, I am saying that I need help but I am also well aware that I need to first know how to and do everything to help myself.
I am sorry if you find my posts about being depressed or cooking boring but that’s what my life is currently and that’s okay.
This is also a reminder for you to check in on yourself and check in on your friends and family because someone might seem very happy and okay but they are going through hell in their head.
I hope you are all doing well. I am having a very productive Sunday morning. I have all of this built up energy that I have to direct towards something. If the weather was better, I would start running. Running is not an option for me when it’s cold because I have issues with my sinuses.
I mean who wouldn’t have a lot of energy after having this delicious breakfast.
Guys, don’t skip breakfast. Sunday is my rest day when it comes to working out so I always have this huge breakfast in the morning. Today I had scrambled eggs (I do one egg + one egg white), half of a very small avocado, a bit of ham, tomatoes, rice cake, pineapple and coffee ofc.
I am actually getting busy now with filming a new video for next week and then I got to think of what to do for the rest of the day because I am feeling very…. restless
When something turns into an obsession for me, I have to share it with you. It’s a food obsession now.
So, you know I got into cooking, I am also trying to eat healthier and all of that good stuff and there is a reason why I get tired of cooking and healthy food very fast and it’s the fact that I am one of those people who do not eat various types of meat.
Since I was a little kid, I only ate chicken and turkey breasts and ham as a, lets say, source of protein in my life. I also like fish but with all those small bones in it, I get tired of eating it very fast and I do like seafood. The problem now is, that seafood and fish has a very strong smell when you cook it and I am currently living in an apartment as big as a shoebox and making those types of foods would literally leave my apartment smelling like fish for 2 days. It’s a whole fucking situation. I made prawns the other day, it took me the whole day to air out the apartment of the smell.
I am definitely going to go to the store and buy some other meat like beef or pork or something and try to force myself to eat it but while I was researching what are good protein sources and meat alternatives other than tofu, soy and so on I stumbled upon the Greek cheese Halloumi. I don’t know why this cheese has not entered my life before. I am obsessed. It is so yummy. If you have not tried it, you need to try it. Greek food never fails to impress me, to be honest. The only down side to this cheese is that it’s high in calorie so I cannot eat a lot of it if I plan on getting read of my few extra pounds.
But yes, a little bit of Halloumi never hurt nobody.
If you have some good protein sources to recommend to me, let me know. I love trying new things but beef and pork scare me because I hated them as a kid. Maybe I will learn to enjoy it now that I am older and I will update you on that.
I think I am going to go back to my coffee now and wasting my time on the internet.
Guys, don’t forget to check out my latest video on YT:
So guys, do you know those days when nothing goes right? I had that day yesterday. Everything was falling out of my hands, whatever I started to work on went wrong, I barely made it through my workout, a task it usually takes me about 45 minutes to do for my job took me 2 hours because I kept on getting errors and had to start over.
Nothing went my fucking way and that’s not a good thing to experience on a Monday. But today is a new day.
Now that you are up to date with my health issue, let me tell you that the cream that the doctor gave me made things worse. Everything got even more red and hurt like hell. Yesterday my doctor prescribed me another medicine and I can already feel my skin feeling better and it doesn’t hurt as much so I am guessing that it will go away now. In case it doesn’t, I will have to go to my doctors office and probably to a dermatologist but let’s hope that does not happen!
I am going to try and have a better Tuesday than Monday. Let me know what you’ve been up to lately and how is your beginning of the week going!
I had an awful Saturday! I decided to go to a doctor because of my hand (I mentioned I have some problems in my latest video: https://youtu.be/4hGtC2I79L0 ) and this was not my doctor. So I am not in my hometown, so I went to let’s call it an “on-duty” doctors office. They usually work on the weekends and holidays and you can go there even if it’s not your personal doctor.
So I read online that the working hours are from 8 in the morning to 8 in the evening. You can guess my surprise when I came there and saw that on Saturday they work from 3 PM. Why update your information online? Usually when I need the working hours of a place I go there and check what it says on the doors, rather than checking online. Don’t we all?
So I was there around 1PM and I used that time to go and buy some groceries I needed and I went back to my place, left my stuff there and then went back to the doctors office. I came there at three and waited in front with two more people. This lasted for almost an hour and a half. The office was closed and locked, you could only enter if you were invited by the doctor or the nurse after they’ve checked your temperature and that for me is completely understandable. It was not cold outside so it wasn’t some big deal standing there and waiting. Safety above all – let’s use the warmer weather to avoid being in closed spaces now, especially in doctors waiting rooms.
Finally it was my turn. I got up the stairs and there, in front of everyone this doctor asked me what was wrong. I just showed him my hand and I thought he will be checking my temperature and that he will let me in. He then proceeded to ask me if I burned myself somewhere and I said no. He then asked me “Well what happened?”. I was kind of angry and embarrassed about the fact that I had to talk to him, outside in the open where there were two more people about my health issues. I understand we are all trying to be safe but diagnosing someone on the stairs of a doctors office with other people present is shitty and lack privacy. I had my mask, I was following the guidelines and I expected to be treated as a normal patient and not as if I came to have a cup of coffee with the doctor. I don’t know if I am being dramatic but it’s my opinion. I had to explain to him that it hurt and all of that. He didn’t even look at it well and he told me he would be right back.
I never got a diagnosis, he never told me if my tissue was inflamed or anything. He just gave me my, let’s call it health ID, and told me that I need to go to a drug store to pickup my medicine.
I went there, hoping I got an antibiotic because on several occasions I was told that this is inflamed and that I need an antibiotic – by my sister who is a nurse, by two pharmacists when I came to ask for help. He gave me a cream because obviously he thinks I have an infection of some sort. I am putting it on, but I will also get in touch with my personal doctor because I trust her and this doctor was so unprofessional that I just don’t trust him or his diagnosis. Am I being dramatic?
I don’t know.
My whole afternoon was spent on walking around and chasing that doctor. I came back home, did my workout, ate, showered and spent the evening in bed watching a show. I was just dead by the end of the day and frustrated.
Yes, that is it from me guys. I am going to try and have a better day then before.
Don’t forget to check out my last video and let me know down in the comments how is your weekend going.