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My life

Happy New Year

Happy New Years everyone! 
I hope you all had a lovely New Years Eve. I wish nothing but happiness and health for you in the upcoming year and the rest we can build together.  

This year has let us know just how small we are and what a big footprint our actions leave. A global pandemic, #BLM, wildfires, earthquakes, polarization in America, Brexit, #endSARS, explosion in Beirut, Poland banning abortion – the list goes on. This year challenged us at every level possible, no shred of humanity inside of us could’ve rested the last 12 months. A year that divided but also brought together. A year after which we should ask ourselves: Did I learn from this? 

We cannot change what happened and what is happening but we have to come out smarter and with a great deal of humility.  

I love you all and want to thank you for another year of being here, reading, contributing to The Poetry Bar and our little community. I hope it will get better and that we will get better. 

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Don’t forget to check out my NY vlog:  

Latest Poem: Poem #347
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

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My life

New Years Vlog

Hello everyone! 

Today is December 31st which is the last day of this shitty, shitty year. A lot has happened and still is happening and this night, the midnight, going from 2020 to 2021 will not change anything but it’s good to have hope and work hard to make 2021 an overall better year for the whole world. 

I decided to film a little vlog for all of you, I actually filmed this in the morning on the day of the earthquake.

After what has happened in Croatia, I didn’t think that I will be editing and posting this because I am still struggling with fear and my nerves after the earthquake. Editing this vlog for a few hours actually helped me to get my mind off of everything and away from the news so I decided to post it. I hope you are going to like it and subscribe to my channel. In the description of the video, you can find the link with all of the information on how to donate to the victims of the earthquake, if you are interested in that. I will actually leave the link here as well:  https://solidarna.hr/urgent-call-for-action-from-croatia-solidarna-foundation-and-fund-5-5/?lang=en

I hope you are all well, safe and happy and that we will all have a good 2021!

I love you all and thank you for another year!

Sending love and positive vibes
Luna

Latest Poem: Poem #347
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

Categories
My life

Another earthquake? Really 2020? Really?!

I was woken up around 6:30 this morning by another earthquake. If you have been following me for a longer time you know that besides COVID, Croatia has had an awful earthquake that left people homeless, we had a flood and this morning we had another earthquake. If this is a trailer for 2021, I am not buying a ticket for that movie.  

The epicenter was not near my city but it happened at the same time the first earthquake did and my bed started to shake around the room, I heard the furniture shaking, the cracking sound. It was the same as the first time just less intense shaking. I know a lot of people had PTSD after the first earthquake this year and I hope they are okay because this was a strong trigger for everyone. According to the news there were no victims but there are damages.  

There was another minor earthquake about two hours later and this one was scarier for me because I was completely awake and I just felt the couch shaking. Also living on the second floor of an older building during an earthquake does not make shit easier.  

I know that entering 2021 will not change anything or erase this past year but I am looking forward to exiting this year. I am going to make lunch now for me and my mom and I am going to make pasta because pasta is comfort food and makes me feel happier.  

I hope you had a better morning and that you will have a great week. I love you all and alsooooooo this week we will have a new Youtube video! 

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #347
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

Categories
My life

What day is it?

Guys, I am out of the office and my family was complaining about it being Monday tomorrow and then I realized I have no idea what day it is. I have been very lazy in the past few days. I have been eating and watching Christmas movies. The only productive thing I’ve done is re-designing my blog.

Since tomorrow is the start of a new week, as I’ve been informed today, I will get back on track. Since there isn’t much to do, I will study something on Skillshare and brainstorm ideas for my new Youtube video. I am really starting to enjoy video editing and I am curious to know for how long will I hold on to this interest. I hope that it will be for a very long time because I’ve spent a lot of money on filming equipment and I don’t want it to go to waste. 

I am trying to think of something fun to watch tonight so if you have any suggestion, leave them down in the comments! 

I am going to go now to have my matcha tea and explore the app Triller. It’s something like TikTok but I wouldn’t know for sure because I’ve never had TikTok but it seems fun. Do any of you use Triller and if you do leave your usernames down in the comments so we can check each other out, my username is ofc luna.theblog.

I think I will have to dust off my dancing skills for this app (if I still have any).  

Have a lovely evening everyone! 

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #347
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

Categories
My life

Merry Christmas (P.S. I have a new vlog)

Merry Christmas to you and to your families! 

I hope you are having a lovely holiday and that you are healthy and happy and safe and that better things are coming to all of us.  

I plan on eating a lot, watching Christmas movies and chilling today. How about you? 

I published my second vlog on my Youtube channel today and I hope you will take the time to watch it and that you will enjoy it, the link is here:
 
Luna’s Vlog – Christmas Lights 

 
This was fun to make and I hope it will be fun to watch. Spent 5 hours tonight editing and then left it to upload until morning and I do not regret one minute of lost sleep because I really wanted to have it up today. Make sure to like and subscribe 😊 

I think I will make another one for New Year.  

Again, merry Christmas everyone, I love you all so much and thank you for being here. I appreciate all of you <3 

Sending love and positive vibes and best wishes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #346
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

Categories
My life

Holiday time

Hello everyone and happy holidays! 

I hope you will all have the chance to celebrate Christmas safely and with the people you love. I am still working on feeling okay and getting my mental health in check. Currently, I am home with my mom which helps. Also, today I will be editing my first vlog and hopefully I will be able to publish it today or tomorrow because it’s a Christmas vlog.  

Having a project helps me. Vlogging and learning more about video editing and Youtube is my new project.  

I will be having lunch with my mom and in the evening, we are going to have dinner at my sisters place and I will be decorating the tree with my nephew. I am not creative with Christmas trees which you will see in my vlog, but hopefully my nephew got my mother’s and sister’s creativity. He’s four and a half, I expect a lot from him. 

Anyways, this is it for me and I have to get down to editing. Have a lovely Christmas Eve and I am sending love and positive vibes! 

Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #346
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

Categories
My life

I am doing better

Good morning and happy Monday!

I am doing better. Thank you all for the support and for the kind comments and messages after my complete meltdown. It really meant a lot to me. The past week has been scary for me because I don’t know how to manage my head and my thoughts sometimes and my mind takes over and I spiral. There were some pretty dark moments, but your girl is doing better. I have three days more of work and then I have some time off which will be useful to me to celebrate the holidays as best as I can in these circumstances and to recharge my batteries.  

I am trying to enter this week and I will try to enter 2021 with a positive attitude because shit already hit the fan this year and I’ve proven to myself I have the capacity to deal with this. Minor issues such as my meltdown are a part of the process for me and I am glad that I am once more showing myself I have the strength to pull myself up and that I am not letting anxiety and negativity to eat me up alive.  

This has been challenging for everyone and the holidays will be challenging as well because this is when loneliness and sadness about not being able to see our family will creep up. I know that people refer to this as a “new normal” and I refuse to use that term. This is something we need to survive and then we can go back to normal. I think that our normal will be more appreciated after this fiasco of a year and that all of us should gain more respect for other people and for nature. If we don’t learn something from 2020, I don’t know what to think. 

I would also like to let you know that the camera equipment I bought has been put to use! I can’t wait to start posting on Youtube, very excited about this. I love having a project, something to focus my mind on.  

Anyways that’s it from me today. I hope you are all doing well, thank you for being so supportive. 

Let me know, what have you been up to this weekend, how was your week and all of that fun stuff! 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #346
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

Categories
My life

Being on the edge

So I am still in the mood I was when I last posted a life update. Actually, I am not. I am doing much worse. Do you know what a terrible feeling it is when you can feel your mental health deteriorating?  

I have been doing okay this year, considering how it could have been. One of the reasons for that is that I stopped watching and reading the news IN MAY! This was the only way I could go through this year without losing my fucking mind. I could write an essay about all of the mental health issues I have that stem from my childhood and growing up in domestic abuse and how that is causing issues for me in this pandemic, but we don’t have all day. 

My mother went to visit my grandparents for the first time since the shit hit the fan this year. My grandparents are very old and very ill and we are all aware of the fact that they do not have the health to survive COVID if they catch it. They actually do not have much left and that’s the difficult truth we have been facing as a family and it is hard. I haven’t seen them since December, 2019 because I was scared of bringing COVID to them so I didn’t visit at all this year and I have to live with the fact that there’s a big chance I might never see them again because well… My mom had to tiptoe around the details of her visit to them because she knows how emotional I get and she knows I do not have the mental stability to deal with the thought of losing anyone I am close to but I felt everything I didn’t want to feel in her voice.  

I am very emotional, very unstable, very much on the edge. I managed to avoid this happening to me for months but this pandemic caught up with my ass and its playing with my head. I constantly have dreams about my family getting COVID, about my mother being in the hospital. I literally bury my family in my dreams. I had issues with sleeping since I was a little girl and I have very vivid dreams. I feel my dreams as if they are an actual reality. This month, one night I had this horrible dream and I felt as if someone was holding my shoulders and shaking me violently. The next night I called my boyfriend to come and sleep at my place because I was fucking scared of closing my eyes. That is how real my dreams get for me. Let’s not even start with the dreams I have involving my father and his abuse. And now, my dreams are influenced by a disease that could kill people that I love.  

 I have been waking up for the last week absolutely exhausted, scared, depressed and angry and I am having a really hard time dealing with my own head and all of these negative feelings. The problem is that I don’t have peace in my sleep and I don’t have peace when I am up. My mind is in a state of constant anxiety. I went through these phases before, I know how bad it gets and I am just hoping I will get home to my mother in time because I feel better when I am around her.  

Today for lunch I actually made pancakes the way my grandmother used to make them for me when I was a kid because I thought it would make me feel better. It actually made me cry. I plan on getting a bit tipsy tonight all by my fucking self. Maybe I manage to have a good night sleep if I am a bit under the influence.  

Venting here makes me feel better because I have a hard time talking about this to anyone. And if anyone who knows me reads this and asks me about it, I will successfully avoid the topic because I am good at that and I don’t know how to explain all of this well. My mind just plays a very cruel game on me.  

I also like venting here because I feel that there are a lot of people who go through this and are scared to say it out loud or they think they are alone or are ashamed of struggling with such issues. Well you are not alone. I am very calm, collected, productive and have my shit together. But today, I almost overslept my shift and I work from home, I cried because of pancakes, its 3PM and I still didn’t wash my face and I plan on getting tipsy tonight all by my damn self. Also, today I deadass went to pick up a package from the courier in my pajama without a bra on and without having washed my face prior.  It’s okay to struggle, feel like shit and there’s no shame in it.  

And today was supposed to be a good day for me. My camera equipment came (the mentioned situation with the courier) and I was excited about starting to film vlogs for my YT channel and creating better content and I was looking forward to it so much and now I don’t know if I will have the strength to get out of bed tomorrow and do anything mildly productive. And I am learning how to be okay with that and how to be okay with being in bed in a pandemic where the world is yelling at me that I need to use this time locked up to grow and learn a new fucking skill. Here I am learning how to not be okay and be okay with that.  

This post was a fucking mess because this is what my brain is right now. I don’t know if I say this enough, but thank you all for being here. 

The sun will shine again and I will find a way to control my mind again. And so will you.  

Latest Poem: Poem #346
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back

Categories
My life

Today kind of sucks

I got my period.
My boyfriend is self-isolating.
I miss my mommy.
I ruined my lunch and now I feel sick.
Today is not Friday.
Has this been too much info for you? I have no shame, my online friends are my only friends now.

How is your day going? 

So, my definition of this day is shit happens. And also, pesto is just….not my cup of anything. I don’t know why I thought that would be the food for me and I ruined a perfectly good plate of pasta. Since its 1 PM here and the day for me has been cancelled, I decided to order food because I just can’t. There are just days when the world should give you a break and let you be in bed, watch movies and get paid to do it. Am I right?! 

So, I am a mess today and very negative but that’s okay. Shit happens. I don’t know where this post is going, just wanted to air out my frustrations to someone. This pesto is messing with my stomach and I didn’t even eat it properly because I spit it out and everything around me now smells like basil.  

I can’t. Done. Gone. Pray for my stomach and may the delivery man come as soon as possible with my food because the last thing my angry ass needs now is to turn into a hangry ass.  

But I have to list at least one positive thing – my skincare products were delivered today morning. Order placed yesterday, products delivered today – this is the type of service I love and I love my Skintegra (the name of the brand) and they made my day. Even had a little Merry Christmas card in the box. I love them! 

When I am done with my shift I am going to take my long, daily walk, come home, watch some Netflix and hope the rest of my week is better and that all my deliveries come by Friday. Amen.  

Kids, don’t eat pesto.  

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

Categories
My life

Let’s buy it all!

So I am kind of lonely and it sucks and I realized I have a very unhealthy way of coping with that sucky feeling.

Shopping. To be more specific – online shopping

My paycheck is coming tomorrow and I am scared it will be gone before I blink because I have my carts full, ready to press the fucking place order button so I can make myself feel better. I don’t know if I should address this issue or start making more money and continue to heal my emotional mess with new things. Ladies, what do you think? I did not decide to only ask the ladies because I want to discriminate, but because I know they will understand the struggle.

I actually surprised myself because I am not buying that much clothes, which is usually my vice. I am getting skincare because my skincare collection is looking poor and my face is looking like I just hit puberty. #foreveryoung

Also, the holiday season is upon us and I had one plan this holiday season and that was having a safe Xmas with my family and having a safe New Year with my boyfriend. Because of the restrictions in Croatia I will not be able to see my boyfriend for New Years and I will be spending it alone so I might as well buy myself something to cheer myself up.

Xmas will be every day when the couriers start coming. I should really find a better coping mechanism. And also, since I decided I would like to post more often on Youtube because I really enjoy filming and editing and I already spent money on a camera I cannot afford, that gave me the perfect excuse to buy some equipment. Merry December to me!

So let me know in the comments if you have some unhealthy coping mechanisms so we can be in this together.

I am going to check if all of my carts are ready for tomorrow now because I have nothing better to do.

Sending love and positive vibes

Luna