Typewriter Poetry

Poem #189

How many lives have you
started tomorrow?
How many lies have you told
yourself to postpone the final
stepping into everything you want to be?
Don’t live in pain and in the fear
of the unknown. Step into everything you
are meant to be.

When you make a mistake you will hurt
but this life you’re living is hurting you too.

Poem #181

Between reason and love I chose
love every time and every time
without a doubt I fell hard.
And I loved every second of my
body hitting the ground because it
was done for the only thing
worth fighting for in life.

Poem #180

The voices inside and out were loud.
You lost control.
You just went with the flow and tried to
suppress the only voice important – your own.
In the midst of the chaos you said no to everything.
The phone stopped ringing and the chaos stopped.
For the first time you realized that the only
friend and the only lover you were looking for
was the one everyone fears – loneliness.
I guess you aren’t scared, you are one of the strong ones.
Embrace the strength.

Poem #168

I’ve kept all of this bottled up inside
for so long that it just can’t all come
out of my mouth or through writing.
It started crawling out of me through
the hole you left in my chest and it burns
even more than your betrayal did.

Poem #166

I refer to this place I’m in right know
as to a dead spot. I’ve been on this dead spot
for years,  no movement forward or backwards.
the same shit, every day, for years.

I bang my head into a wall thinking it will bring
me clarity because no right answer in my life
came from happiness. It always came from pain.
Nothing happened. I just have a red mark on my
forehead now. Guess the pain isn’t working anymore.

But that one great thing is coming. I know it is. I’ve been
waiting for it for years. High school graduation, university,
boyfriends, new job, new meditation… I thought all of these
things were that one big thing, but I was wrong. And I was wrong
one too many times and now the doors are shut and the windows
are so small I can’t crawl out and I’m stuck here on this dead spot
and I’m trying and I’m pretending I know where I’m going and the
key word here is “I” because it’s just me here, I’m alone here.

I did this to myself. I got me here and I don’t know how to get out.
I don’t know how to ask for help. I can’t find that one big thing,
that great change. Maybe I am the thing that needs to change.
Who am I?

Poem #164

What we had was so carefree like a Sunday
morning, so natural as the summer breeze,
so sudden as the smell of sea salt in the air
The only problem was that I wasn’t me.

You took away my breath and worries in
a single heartbeat and I let go of everything
because it was easy, for once something was easy.

We were opposites that weren’t supposed to attract.
Too much dark of a different kind can’t create light.
When I was with you people could finally see
what I didn’t want and who I never could be.

It doesn’t hurt anymore that you didn’t really love me
because the person I was with you wasn’t me, wasn’t even real.