The sun was reflecting off the surface
off the sea and it looked so beautiful and
so calm like the universe was trying to greet us.
For a moment the troubles were gone inside the
divine light of the day.
The seagulls were flying high up over the sky,
a fisherman was standing at the dock.
You could hear the waves hitting the shore
and feel the salt on your skin and the word
felt oh, so very infinite.
In my post “The story behind the name Luna” I shared a part of my story about domestic abuse. It actually gave me courage to dive deeper into this problem and open up about it here because I think this is a great community to share such stories and help each other. It took me years to speak about the torment my father put me through and I can relate to many children who were abused and today I want to write a little bit about how to deal with abuse after it’s done.
When I was 11,12 years old the problem with my father started solving and it wasn’t over until a few months ago. I haven’t lived with him for years and I last saw him and spoke to him about 5 years ago. That chapter of my life is over now but it still takes me a great amount of strength to close that chapter in my head. My problem was that I identified myself with what he has done to me and I believe that’s the problem of many abused children out there. We develop a bad opinion about ourselves based on what the person who abused us had done to us. We often feel like we aren’t worthy of anything, become introverted, depressed, scared to live the lives we deserve and we can’t step out of our pasts. Going through abuse leaves a strong scar on the one’s personality, sometimes even on our bodies and I will be quite honest and say it’s impossible to hide that scar or erase it so wear it proudly!
Don’t be ashamed of yourself and of who you are and of what you’ve been through. Instead of waking up every morning feeling like you are worth less than others, feeling like you will never reach happiness, wake up and say to yourself “I’ve been through hell and I survived that. World, bring it on because I can handle you!”. Don’t call yourself an abuse victim but rather call yourself a survivor because that’s what you are. Your body and mind were strong enough to handle the weight of abuse and I know how heavy that weight is and you are still here. You are biting and scratching your way through life. You know how to handle difficult situations and your power can never be drained out. Even when depression hits and you feel worn out just repeat those words to yourself.
Who you are depends only on what you want to be so be a survivor, be a warrior and show the world there’s happiness after abuse. Learn how to show your scars to the world and demand respect for them and respect your own past because if it wasn’t for it you wouldn’t be the strong person you are. Even if you feel weak, trust me you’re not. Shift your state of mind and you will turn your life around. Remember: You are a warrior, you are a survivor.
I saw the sun bleeding so much beauty
over the sea while it danced to the sound
playing in my head all day.
Like it listened, like it heard the struggle
I’m in. Like it understood that I needed peace.
I thought to myself – if the sea can be beautiful
in its riot of drops and waves than I can find
one thought that will keep me on my feet.
So much has happened and so much has
changed. Even the sun is disappearing from my
horizon. But soon after the moon rose and it
reminded me why I decided to share the name with him.
So strong even when he’s small. The only light
in the dark nights. He always finds a way to show
himself, no matter how many times he disappears.
Inspire me and revive me. Give me new
meaning and lead me. Moon, you messenger
that there is always something good to be found
even in the darkest night, help me sleep tonight.
Life exhausted me and left me sitting on this
beach and I feel alone but that’s alright because
I’m looking at the sun bleeding so much beauty over
the sea and setting the territory for the moon to share some
light upon the lost.