Your soul is a canvas covered in
every color there is. There’s so much
light in you and then there is that
black brush stroke making an X across
your rainbow picture.
That darkness is me. Excuse me for being here.
Didn’t know that I would spread across
your painting so fast. Didn’t know I would
leave a trail. Who knew that wrapping your
arms around me was the same as wrapping
your hands around Titanic hoping for an adventure
but ending up dead.
I am toxic. Once I’ve infected your body there’s
no going back. I’ll write a note across my chest
saying “High Risk”. Maybe I’ll even throw in an
instruction manual for the next one who comes along.
Maybe if the first one who placed his lips on mine
had that manual I wouldn’t be this mess, this dark hole, this
poor excuse for a human that I am.
I know it’s hard to believe it but there was a time when
I was also a rainbow picture, a canvas covered in every
color there is.
In some nights the stars disappear.
They get covered by clouds and the sky
looks empty like I.
Outside there is a smile on my face but inside
emptiness took its place.
I know I’m not in this alone, but still I can
never find a safe home where my thought
would collide with somebody else’s and then
I wouldn’t be alone.
I’m walking down the lane of life
and every new step is a new year gone by.
I’m getting older and older but in my shadow there is
still that little girl. She takes a part of my burden when I
can’t take it anymore. She brings me back to life
when I think all hope is lost. She helps me forget, but she
is wishful thinking.
She wants her childhood back but she is powerless.
I see her. After every fall she still screams and fights
no matter what. Nobody else sees her and feels her struggle.
She is my reflection every time I look into a mirror.
I am just like her, invisible. Everyone is looking at me
but they don’t see me, the real me. But still I’m walking down
the lane of life.
I believe. I hope. I dream. I live. I guard my little girl
in the shadow because she is the only one that reaches out
for me when stars become tears.