She almost becomes one with people.
She immerses herself in one’s body and
emerges carrying out their pain and sorrow.
The burden gets too hard to carry and
people just keep piling on. They are biting
the hand that fed them help.
Her bones break, her shoulders cannot carry the load.
When her body hits the ground there’s no one to pick her up.
The dust settles on a body that has a cold touch to it now.
It’s the death of an empath.
The life of trauma means saying
“I knew it” instead of “I can’t believe it”
when the worst scenario comes to life.
The life of trauma means being
relieved when you lose because
it’s so familiar to you.
The life of trauma means sleeping
awake because you’re just waiting
for the other shoe to drop.
The life of fear, of expecting the worst.
A brain in anticipation of pain.
A young body being a home to an old soul.
Last poem by Luna: Poem #332
Our First Travel Vlog: Vacation Vlog – Island of Krk, Croatia
Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!
Usually I intended for Coffee dates to be published each Saturday but here we are.
Yesterday I went to bed a bit early because I wanted to wake up early today but that didn’t work and I ended up spending a few hours overthinking and my thoughts came to my blog and my writing.
If you follow me, you know I haven’t been posting a lot of my original poetry lately and the reason for that is that right now I am very happy in my life. I have already noticed before that I have writer’s block when I am happy. Poetry and writing in general had always been an outlet for me, a way to let go of bad emotions and terrible experiences. When I come to periods such as this one when I am happy, I have things going well for me, that creative part of me just become blocked.
Do you experience this?
I know everyone has their way of writing but I got to thinking if this is toxic for me in a way. Would I ever sabotage myself and my happiness in order to write something? And yes, my brain likes to go to extremes when I am overthinking alone at night but this question has really been bothering me. How far would I be ready to go to break this writer’s block and can I unintentionally invite unhappiness and pain to my life just to find inspiration to write?
My mind was spinning a lot last night and I thought it would be best to read more and get in touch with art and poetry again to find a new source of inspiration. Do you have any good book recommendations to get me through this period?
Writing is something that has been with me through life, I have created my blog around it and I have connected with all of you thanks to poetry and I would hate to have to pick between my writing inspiration and my happiness.
Even though I am very happy currently, this part of me is missing and I think I would experience my feelings of joy more intense if I were able to write about them but I fail every time.
Tell me what you think about this, have you experienced this or any other type of writer’s block. Also, is there any subject you would like us to discuss in our Coffee Dates?
Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna
There was nothing. Not even a spark.
When you kissed me, it felt like you were
kissing someone else. I couldn’t feel your hands.
There was no love, just the need to avoid loneliness.
It was like we were drinking from an empty cup
and wondered why we felt thirst.
You wake up with nausea and dizziness
but not with the will to wake up.
Go through the day not feeling like yourself,
you are selling your soul to the devil and that
devil is the world you are trapped in.
At night, before bed, you are in the shower for hours.
You are trying to purge the sin from your body with water
as if you just stepped out of a Bible while in reality
you have been questioning the existence of God
for years now. You turn the water off, your body is burning
but for a moment there you feel clean.
You promise yourself that in the morning it will be better.
You wake up with nausea and dizziness
but not with the will to wake up.
You are already late so you do not have time to
have a shower to see if the magic works in the morning as well.
You slap on a smile to avoid the questions, not realizing
this fakeness is eating away at your soul.
The poet inside of you invites you to write the feelings down,
he whispers in your ear that they are bottled up.
So you try to purge that thing out of your body with
words and verses for yourself or for the world to read,
laugh at, call you crazy because of that.
But for a moment there, it empties your mind.
It’s all for moments, nothing lasts.
You cannot purge something rotten that grew inside.
You can only heal it but you are too weak from trying
to purge it out as if a broken heart can be purged.
You are just tired and want to close your eyes
but the demons never sleep.
Just come home.
This is not in a selfish way, I am not
asking you to come back to me.
I am asking you to come home.
To the home that doesn’t have a roof
or 4 walls.
To the home where you feel safe,
no matter where it is.
Just come home.
The lines and the smoke won’t
ease that mind. You need to come home.
There is safety in the light,
there can be peace in the dark.
Just come home.
Hello Everyone!
It has been a long time since I just posted on the blog, had a talk with you or in this case, a cup of coffee. There is a reason for that. I have been going through a bit of a crisis that I do not know how to explain to myself or to others.
I have a good job which keeps me financially stable, recently I met someone very special in my life, since I started working from home I have had more time to spend with my family, I have great friends and the list could go on about the things that are really going for me right now and still I am so miserable. There is a constant feeling of something missing in my life and it’s eating me away.
I know that my career choices have a lot to do with my unhappiness. My goal in life was not and is not to be a customer service agent. I do like this job and I absolutely adore the people I am working with but there is still that feeling that something is missing. I have been in this career crisis on and off for the past 2 years and it’s a normal thing every 20something goes through but I can feel my mental health going to hell fast because I cannot cope with not having a purpose in life. Being aware of the fact that my degree is worthless and that no one wants to hire me in digital marketing because I have no fucking experience is not making this easy on me.
Yesterday was my one year anniversary of working as a customer service agent. I have been feeling like shit for the last two weeks because I knew that I was reaching that one year at a job that was supposed to be temporary until I get my Digital Marketing certificate so that I can do something I am 100% invested in. But again there is this fear – what if I get into a Digital marketing agency and realize after some time that it’s not what I actually want? What if I just got that certificate to cover up for the fact that I dropped out of grad school without a fucking plan?
As you can see, I am struggling which is why I haven’t been so active on the blog. I have had problems opening up to people about this because they either do not understand completely what I am saying or hit me with “Do you know how many people lost their job during quarantine and how many people are being paid less because of the COVID situation and how lucky you are right now?”
Yes, I do know.
I haven’t been fired, my job was never in question and there were no paycheck cuts in my firm. The only difference for us was that we had to work from home. That is it. Not a single person in the customer care center where I work felt the effects of quarantine when it comes to job security and money and this is amazing and I applaud the company for that.
I don’t know if I am able to put this nicely, but I do not know how to feel okay and satisfied with my life just because others have it worse. Other people being in bad situations shouldn’t be a standard for me to feel good about myself and about my life but I have often felt under attack if I expressed any of these opinions out loud which made the struggle in my head even worse because it is all in my head.
And then I opened up my laptop today and decided to write this mess out because this is my safe place and I often stray away from it when I’m in trouble but I am glad to be back. Thank you for putting up with my annoying rant about unhappiness. I know that our Coffee Dates are usually reserved for happy thoughts but I just had to get this off my chest.
Please do let me know if you experienced similar issues and how did you deal with them? Let’s be the supportive WordPress community that we are.
Also, we already passed 5,5k followers here on WordPress, my Poetry Bar inbox is full of your submissions so let me know if there’s any type of different content you would like to see on this blog. I publish from 3-5 Poetry Bar works daily, do you want more? Would you like for me to write about the current events, maybe to do story times, do you have some questions for me so we can do a Q&A type post. Tell me all of your wishes down in the comments because, honestly, I need some content ideas and working on this blog has always helped me work through my personal issues.
I love you all, thank you for being so amazing and so supportive!
Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna
I do not need you.
I have been through hell and back,
got out by myself.
I shower in burning hot water
to make my skin remember of how
much I am capable of.
I do not need you.
I learned the hard way to stand
on my own two feet.
My knees still bleed, the bruises
pulsate but it doesn’t stop
me from getting up every day.
I do not need you. I want you.
I want you to kiss every wound,
touch every weakness.
You look like you are smart
enough to know what type of
blessing that is.
When I said “Don’t break my heart”
it wasn’t a suggestion.
It was a prayer.
If your soul craves art
like your body craves air
it means that he stole your peace.
You let him tear down the walls
of your museum and destroy
your books and paintings and melodies
Don’t follow him into the dark.
Let him have those ruined paintings,
ripped out book pages and distorted melodies.
You are strong enough to build a new masterpiece.
