I’ve kept all of this bottled up inside
for so long that it just can’t all come
out of my mouth or through writing.
It started crawling out of me through
the hole you left in my chest and it burns
even more than your betrayal did.
I refer to this place I’m in right know
as to a dead spot. I’ve been on this dead spot
for years, no movement forward or backwards.
the same shit, every day, for years.
I bang my head into a wall thinking it will bring
me clarity because no right answer in my life
came from happiness. It always came from pain.
Nothing happened. I just have a red mark on my
forehead now. Guess the pain isn’t working anymore.
But that one great thing is coming. I know it is. I’ve been
waiting for it for years. High school graduation, university,
boyfriends, new job, new meditation… I thought all of these
things were that one big thing, but I was wrong. And I was wrong
one too many times and now the doors are shut and the windows
are so small I can’t crawl out and I’m stuck here on this dead spot
and I’m trying and I’m pretending I know where I’m going and the
key word here is “I” because it’s just me here, I’m alone here.
I did this to myself. I got me here and I don’t know how to get out.
I don’t know how to ask for help. I can’t find that one big thing,
that great change. Maybe I am the thing that needs to change.
Who am I?
What we had was so carefree like a Sunday
morning, so natural as the summer breeze,
so sudden as the smell of sea salt in the air
The only problem was that I wasn’t me.
You took away my breath and worries in
a single heartbeat and I let go of everything
because it was easy, for once something was easy.
We were opposites that weren’t supposed to attract.
Too much dark of a different kind can’t create light.
When I was with you people could finally see
what I didn’t want and who I never could be.
It doesn’t hurt anymore that you didn’t really love me
because the person I was with you wasn’t me, wasn’t even real.
You are like a river and when I hug you
I could just drown in your depth.
Midnight and I’m drunk. Found my peace
in a bottle, looking at the bottom of the cup.
My mind is empty; I’ve wasted all of my
thoughts on you, on us.
Midnight and I’m drunk. I don’t want to
leave this bar. I’ll just pretend that somewhere
in this cigarette fog I’ll find your eyes and they’ll
still have the same shine.
Midnight and I’m drunk wandering the streets
of my empty town. Crossing through red lights and
I don’t care what happens now, just come and
puzzle in the broken pieces you left behind.
Midnight and I’m drunk. Forgive me for all the
messages but you know how I get when the wine
has a hold of me. Could you give me a sign or just
tell me where do I go from now?
Midnight and I’m drunk. The traffic light is blinding my
tired eyes. The only thing I hear is a train that you
used to take home after spending the evening
by my side.
Midnight and I’m drunk catching the last bus
home so I could stare at the bracelet you gave me
the last time you were mine. I’m waiting for daylight
to bring soberness and stop me from running to the past.
Where are your hands to carry me to bed tonight at midnight?
Caramel color –
Glorious until you
Read the label…
My wife can live
Without it and I
“Just drink water”
She likes to say,
But it can’t keep me awake
And I need to be awake
Because the internet
Might go away if I’m
Bio: Ben is an author and poet from the Central Ohio area. He hosts a poetry group at the Delaware Library in Delaware, Ohio. While not working in bookkeeping and payroll, he loves to spend time with his wife and mini dachshund.
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I can feel your eyes observing me
but every time I look at you, you
pretend you don’t notice me.
I don’t mind your glance at me but
to be honest, I wouldn’t mind
you approaching me.
Come on shy love, don’t look away.
A few hidden looks won’t get us
anywhere. Wouldn’t it be better
if you sat next to me and told me your
name? God knows where this could lead,
maybe it will be a true romance.
Come on shy love don’t become a memory
before you become anything to me. If you
don’t like to talk that’s alright with me. Just
hold my hand and we’ll hit the floor. Let your
actions speak and move your body to the rhythm of
Come on shy love, don’t keep me here thinking
what could have been. Let our eyes meet and give
a little smile to me. In your eyes I’ll find the words you can’t
say. Come on shy love don’t let this spark we have fade away.