Positivity Press #56

My name is Holly and you can find me at Holly’s World (https://wordpress.com/posts/photogarphybyhcmorris77.com). I am mostly a photographer, but I enjoy other things as well – such as reading, gardening, and travel – although there is so much more

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Positivity Press #54

Hi! My name is Holly and I’m the author of Holly’s World. Despite anything negative, I (usually) try to have a good outlook on life! Sometimes it’s hard, but I always find my way back! You can find my posts and pages here: photographybyhcmorris77.com

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Be kind to yourself

We hear phrases such as “Listen to your gut” or “Love yourself” everywhere. They are screaming off social media platforms, life coaches use them, we see them written everywhere but do we really grasp the concept of being kind to oneself and loving oneself and listening to our gut?

As always, I’ll start from experience. A few months back I got my bachelors in Italian and Spanish philology. There I was, all proud of myself for finishing the three years without failing one single class, with a title in front of my name and then the time came for me to start my masters which would have taken me two years to finish. That feeling… I’ll never forget that feeling. Every time I thought about going back to my university, spending hours in classes, studying, preparing for exams… It made me want to die. I had extreme panic attacks. My gut was yelling “Hell NOOOOOO”. I told my gut she should shut up because society and my family told me that the field I was in, which was foreign languages, was nothing without a master’s degree. So I listened to what others had to say and I started my masters.

The panic attacks increased. My health was deteriorating. I had to use every single piece of strength I had to pull myself out of bed and attend a single lecture. I hated the world. Negativity was oozing out of my skin. Then my gut decided to fight against my decisions in every way possible. I was never the one to oversleep. If my alarm went off, I was on my feet already making my morning coffee. All of the sudden, I started oversleeping. I wouldn’t hear my alarm and I started to miss my lectures. After a while, I started failing exams. It took me a while to gather the strength and say that I quit. Right then and there I placed the label “FAILURE” on my forehead in big, bold red letters for everyone to see. I called myself a failure.

I promised my family and myself that in a year I would enroll in a private university and start a masters in International relations and diplomacy which costs a lot of money but I came to an agreement with my mom that we would get a student loan from the bank. Since I considered myself to be a failure, I didn’t start looking for a job in my field of expertise because the part of my brain which told me I was a failure also told me that there are people with masters and PHD’s in languages, people who studied abroad who were better than me and that no one would hire me because they could hire those other people who weren’t failures like me. I got a job as a waitress. Regarding that experience I think it’s enough to say that I can’t count how many times I had to drink to make it through my shift but I considered my behavior to be okay because I was a failure.

Time passed by, my health was getting worse, I was making all of the wrong choices regarding relationships in my life and then it hit me. I hated myself and I resented myself so much that I was torturing myself at a job I hated and punishing myself just because I didn’t fit in with societies norms. The time came for me to get the student loan. I was depressed for weeks. I didn’t talk to anyone. I ended up in the emergency room because I couldn’t breathe normally. Life was just bitch slapping me and then, after months of banging my head against a wall and living just to survive I decided I can do better.

I quit my job and started a new one where I am somewhat in the proximity of my field of studies. I said no to the private university and decided to attend lectures in Digital marketing because this is something that gets me excited. How did this shift in my behavior happen? I started to be kind to myself.

I scrapped off that “FAILURE” label from my forehead and told myself that it took courage to drop out of school and start finding myself. It took strength to admit that I was lost and unhappy. It took fucking balls to take control of my life and start living it according to my rules. The shift first happened in my head and then it manifested in my life. All I had to do was give myself a pat on the back and tell myself that I am doing the best that I can and that it’s okay to take time off to find whatever it is that’s missing from my life. Changes aren’t painless. Changes aren’t easy but if during that change period you hate yourself and have negative self-talk you will only make things worse for yourself.

Do I know what the hell I am doing with my life? NO
Do I hate myself for that? Also NO

I still relapse into my old behavior patterns such as drinking, smoking and hating myself for not being the poster child for society norms but I also identify that behavior quickly and implement positive self-talk into my life. Don’t call yourself a failure and don’t put yourself down. You are so much more that what others think of you. Hell, you are so much more than what you think of yourself. Give yourself credit for how far you came. Recognize your mistakes and learn from them, don’t use them as fuel to the fire of your self-hate.

You need to reconnect with your inner world in order to start being kind to yourself.  You have to do this via a process that suits you best such as writing, meditating, exercising etc. That voice in your head that is trying to put you down will always be there, you just need to be louder than it.

Positivity Press #47

Does life have a second chance ? Well yes I have another chance . I was home one day when I realized that God has given me another chance to get things right . sometimes we feel like giving up , we feel like quitting , we feel down because of our past but I’m here to tell you that your past is  gone and you have another chance to get things right .

I used to shy of my past but when I surrendered it all to God I became free and now I can share my story without any form of guilt . don’t let your past hold you from becoming the best you.  I am working on me constantly and I thank God for everything that I have been through , it is all in his plan for my life.
Here is me , I was at a poetry show where I performed a piece by me titled “grateful “

Instagram link : Instagram.com/d_analyzt

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Positivty Press #42

Here’s my contribution – a couple of pictures of my cat Honey with her new best friend and regular visitor to our garden. They often sit out together in the late evenings enjoying life!
My photography blog: https://stuartshafran.wordpress.com

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Positivity Press #41 – LITTLE GIRL

I chanced to glance
at a little girl of three
sitting nearby
in the pew:
she looked up at me,
an old man,
not comely to warrant,
and smiled a smile
bright as the spring sun
full on my face.
I could not refrain
reciprocation
and twisted a grin
in return, and found
ice melting,
stone warming,
stiff boughs bending.
Another glance
revealed
colored pencils scratching
intently
between the lines.

My blog address is: www.rabbitlaneutah.com.

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Positivity Press #37

Hello everyone!

Yesterday I had an encounter with an older woman on my tram station and it just got me to thinking and I wanted to share it with you here on The Positivity Press.

This weekend has been a bit crazy for me. I attended my cousin’s wedding and since we are Bosnian the wedding never ends, there was 450 people there, I was tired because I worked in the morning and then traveled for more than 2 hours to get to the wedding etc. Then on Sunday I was demolishing the floor of my apartment with my mom. My legs are covered in bruises and cuts because I am clumsy and I had to work with a lot of sharp things and since I had to take all of that garbage in front of our building (you can guess I live in a building without an elevator and on the last floor) I got sore muscles. I’m not in shape. Fuck it.

Then yesterday, on Monday, I spent most of my day in Zagreb because I worked the afternoon shift, my train schedule is awful and I just wasted the whole day. But there I was, in Zagreb, waiting for my tram and an older lady came and asked if the seat next to me was taken. I told her she can sit and I noticed that her clothes were a bit worn out and that she seemed very tired. She told me she wasn’t feeling well to which I replied that it must be the heat because it’s very hot in Zagreb. Then she replied saying that she had a mild stroke a few days back and that she was going to the hospital on some type of observation. My jaw dropped when she told me that. I wished her good luck and then I noticed that she was alone, having had a mild stroke, on her way to the hospital with her stuff in two plastic bags. And there I was, with Nike shoes on, my smartphone and lunch in my bag complaining about going to work. I am going to be quite honest and say I was ashamed of the fact that at first I thought she was going to beg me for money or to buy her a tram ticket or something like that. I would have gladly done so if she asked. I was even thinking about asking her if she wanted me to buy her some water since it was very hot outside but I was scared she would get offended. I feel shitty now for not asking.

She even apologized for telling me she was going to the hospital and then it hit me that she maybe didn’t have no one else to tell it to. Maybe she didn’t have family, grandchildren or someone else to take care of her and I complained about being tired from attending a wedding that was full of my cousins, uncles etc. She was going to spend the night in the hospital, I was going to sleep in my bed. I could go on with this.

That short conversation with her made me think about how many stuff in my life I take for granted, how much I complain and make myself blind to all of the things I have in life like health, clean air, clothes, technology, education, family, job. I think that a lot of our own misery comes from taking people and things for granted. That’s actually the message I wanted to share through this story. Appreciate more. Love more. Be more grateful.

I don’t think that you can’t have worries because someone has it worse than you, but I think we should all focus on the good we have in our life. That woman made me feel grateful for going to a job that’s going to provide for me, made me feel grateful that my health is in good condition, and maybe she was grateful to be able to tell someone what happened to her, just to let it out. Notice these little things and allow them to teach you a lesson.

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com