I have these memories of you holding
my hand and laying by my side. I remember you
running to my house late at night when I
wasn’t feeling alright.
Do you know what it feels like when you
create a perfect love in your mind and then
you snap out of it and realize you were just
I took a cold shower to get a hold of myself.
Every single drop on my skin screamed: Why
are you such mess, wake up from wonderland!
Where am I going? – I don’t know. The only thing I’m
sure of is that I got to get over somebody who was
never mine. I was running in a circle of letting myself
down and obviously I thought I was running a marathon.
I’ll just avoid seeing you in real life because I forgot
how to differ my reality from the world outside. I’ll
spend another night dreaming about you and then
I’ll find the courage to say: Goodbye, my made-up love
Like a paper in flames I burned out.
I’ve let my mind drag me to the ground.
I let it control how I feel and I’ve let it
poison the life in me.
Hurtful words started to find their way
out of my mouth and like an addict I fed
on the pain and it was my drug. Like a fly
I got stuck in the spider web and I’m not trying
to free myself.
This great shadow raised itself from my eyes
and covered the world I used to love. Even if
I ran a thousand miles I’d still feel it like a ghost
creeping upon my thoughts.
Sometimes I wake up at the dawn and
let the sunrise fill my head with hope but
the magic disappears from my reach and
I realize I can’t push it down, I can’t hide
what’s in me. I became such a pain addict.
You don’t talk much and I am an overthinker.
Your silence shouts loudly in my mind.
Please tell me something, even if its dark.
Draw a map for me before I jump to conclusions
and jump out of your life. I can’t read your mind
but I can read too much between the lines.
I was scared of deepness
but your hand around my waist
kept me safe on the surface of the sea.
It was the first time that somebody didn’t
let me sink.
Your words and the sound of waves always
made me shiver. The taste of sea and the sunrays
dancing on your skin will appear in my dreams.
You carved memories on my heart instead of scars.
Skinny dipping, talking, running and laughing.
Everything felt simpler when you were around.
Even though you’re kissing my neck while
I’m writing these lines I have to leave you, I have
to say goodbye. Please don’t ask me to stay and don’t
make this harder on yourself. Just kiss me one more time,
let go of my hand and remember me every now and then.
Darling you’re like this fourth
glass of wine and cigarette between my fingers
I just keep on coming back to you
because you’re in my blood system.
I inhale your lust and exhale
your desire while your two days old
beard is caressing my cheek. You
linger between my lips long after you’re gone.
I drink your words like this red wine
and I can never get enough.
You get me drunk with your touch.
When ever I pour me another one
I want you by my side.
Whenever I light up another one
I can feel your presence and I crave
your lips on mine. If only I could
have you in the nearest shop like a
fresh pack I wouldn’t be alone tonight.
Some winter nights I stay up and look
at the sky possessed by the wish to see you
and hold you between my fingers tight. Then
I would just bring you to my lips and you’d be mine.
I’m empting this bottle and this pack and
I’m realizing you’re not around.
Like this cigarette, you are my vice and even though
you poisoned me you made me feel alive.
Like a cigarette I burned out. Your arrival
will be the fire – come here and light me up.
Good evening, cold wind, please
be my messenger tonight and tell me
how he has been. While you’re passing by
this empty terrace of mine tell me was it me?
Was it me that wasn’t good enough to fulfill
his needs? Is she doing a better job than I ever will?
Is he proud to walk with her down the street and do
the things he has never done with me?
Is it stupid and naïve to whisper in my sleep
the words he used to whisper in my ear?
After everything I just want to see him smile
even though I’m not the reason why.
Good evening, cold wind, please be my
messenger tonight and tell her he likes it when
someone caresses his forearm. Let her know
how he loves to be surprised with a sudden hug.
Tell the one that’s in my place now I’ve given up
the fight. Oh, cold wind, convey this message to her;
tell her to make him smile because I would die
if I saw him cry.
Work, study, just do something for what
society claims will lead you to a better life.
In the end she’ll be the same as all of them.
In the end, no matter how good she is, she’ll
keep standing in the same spot unless she has
a string to pull or some money that’ll get her by.
On the outside she looks nice and put together.
Drew that smile on her face and made
them think she’s got a hold of things.
She doesn’t show any weakness because she
knows it will lead to her destruction. She learns
what is there to learn and never shows incompetence.
The life she wants is written in her blood system.
She knows she has what it takes to win but it’s so
hard to stand out sometimes, it’s so hard for her
to pull herself together when she just wants to fall apart.
Tired and exhausted are the definitions of her physical state,
torn apart and insanity is what’s going on in her head.
But in the nights she shuts the lights
off and looks at herself from another light.
She lights the fire and inhales the life
in which everything is alright.
She is shined upon a light that leads
her to the life she always lived but never had.
A life that exists only in her dreams
where she’s safe and sound.
Go on girl, a new day is coming, you should
get prepared. Blow the roof of this place and
show them you are better than you were yesterday.
Just fake some strength and try your best to believe that
somewhere out there your life awaits.