Poem #184

I was looking tonight for a song that
will perfectly depict how I feel and make
me let it all out. Some sweet melody to
bring on the tears that are suffocating me,
to get rid of the lump in my throat but not
a single beat came close to describing it.

In the end I was able to sum it all up in
a simple sentence: Broken in need of healing
And so the waterfall began, the healing
came streaming down my face.

Poem #183

A million years in the same place and
now I’m packing up my suitcase. I’m leaving
for the world even if the journey is only in my
head. Let me run, let me fly, let me swim but just
don’t let these 4 walls crush my spirit.

The same wall I’ve been staring at for years
started to speak to me. He said that even though
I’ve painted it the writings beneath are still
telling the story of the girl with many dreams.
He’s telling me to get my feet moving because
my life will pass and I will just be staring at it.
He’s telling me to get out of this town before
my heart dies and I get left with nothing to pour
into these lines.

A million years in the same place and
now I’m packing up my suitcase. I’m leaving
for the world even if the journey is only in my
head. Let me run, let me fly, let me swim but just
don’t let these 4 walls crush my spirit.
I have so much more to see, I have so much life
within and I don’t want to be chained to this city.
I’d rather spend the night on the concrete under the
big lights than in the cold hug of my walls.

These walls are telling a story about a girl that wanted
it all but only ended up on the floor every time the
liquor would get her father spinning out of control.
Lately she’s been tilting at windmills and her exhausted
body hit the ground. She’s just staring at the walls now,
not even trying to make a move to brake the chains that
are holding her down. Her enemies are in her head, her mind
is tightening the noose around her neck. Who is she? Just
look in the mirror, she’ll be there.

Poem #182

If you feel nothing
in the moment when you cross every
boundary, erase all lines
does it mean you did it for the right reason
or that you just went numb and managed
to mute the voice of your conscience?

Poem #181

Between reason and love I chose
love every time and every time
without a doubt I fell hard.
And I loved every second of my
body hitting the ground because it
was done for the only thing
worth fighting for in life.

Poem #180

The voices inside and out were loud.
You lost control.
You just went with the flow and tried to
suppress the only voice important – your own.
In the midst of the chaos you said no to everything.
The phone stopped ringing and the chaos stopped.
For the first time you realized that the only
friend and the only lover you were looking for
was the one everyone fears – loneliness.
I guess you aren’t scared, you are one of the strong ones.
Embrace the strength.

Poem #179

I guess I am my father’s daughter.
Finding any excuse to fall into my old habits
One hand on the bottle, smoke coming from the other.
Always having an explanation for my wrongdoings.
I never let happiness linger in the room, I smash
the walls to let it out. I thought it was the
poet inside of me trying to find inspiration in pain
but I guess it’s my father’s damn legacy making
me destroy peace wherever I set foot in.

I guess I am my father’s daughter.
Never let anyone’s opinion bother me.
The world is a nasty place, I heal my wounds in
alcohol and cigarettes. As I grow older I understand
him more and more and instead of seeing him
for the monster he was I see the monster’s cub
growing bigger in the mirror.

I guess I am my father’s daughter.
Let’s drink to the legacy you left me with daddy.

Poem #178

I placed a very big burden of your shoulders.
I needed you to love me for who I am and I
needed you to love me because I wasn’t
capable of loving myself.
Healing myself now hurts not only because
I need to mend the broken pieces and learn
how to love myself again but also because
I was foolish enough thinking you will be able
to carry that burden until I heal.
The moon is my guide and always will be.
It’s time now for this wolf to lick her wounds in solitude.