It’s hard

It’s hard

I could paint a perfect picture
of this ceiling I’ve been staring at
for hours. The lines, the imperfections,
the spider building a web in the corner.
Even the spider is building something and I’m
just stuck here with my empty head and
hollow heart. 

It’s hard to have a vision for the future
when you don’t know where your present is headed.
It’s hard to fade in your early years, watching
your dreams getting further away with every step you
take thinking you’re making them reality. 

From one crisis to the next, from one cigarette
to a whole pack, from one glass to a bottle,
from one day to another. Baby steps turning into
abrupt halts. Youth turning into ashes. 

I want to take my little black dress for a night out.
I want to move to the sound of music.
I want to see those far away cities, go from one
plane to the next destination. I want to touch the
ocean and see the earth from above. I want to
feel the sand underneath my feet while sipping a
cocktail on a sunny beach but I’m here getting familiar
with the ceiling.  

The earthquake beating in my chest
is an endless hallway and behind each door
is a story to be told with an unhappy ending.
Yes, an earthquake in my chest, because my heart
is miles away from me. I sold it for a ruined
fantasy but at least I gave it away. Thought it
would be easier. 

It’s hard to put my feet on the ground each day
knowing they will take me on a quest of
imposed society rules while my soul is craving
something real, something alive, something different. 

That thing, that happiness everyone talk about – where
is it hiding. How many miles, how many doors, how many
breakdowns and sleepless night away is it. It’s hard to be
young and so old. Full of energy and so tired. So alive and so dead.  

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A Chained Wanderlust

A Chained Wanderlust

A million years in the same place and
now I’m packing up my suitcase. I’m leaving
for the world even if the journey is only in my
head. Let me run, let me fly, let me swim but just
don’t let these 4 walls crush my spirit.

The same wall I’ve been staring at for years
started to speak to me. He said that even though
I’ve painted it the writings beneath are still
telling the story of the girl with many dreams.
He’s telling me to get my feet moving because
my life will pass and I will just be staring at it.
He’s telling me to get out of this town before
my heart dies and I get left with nothing to pour
into these lines.

A million years in the same place and
now I’m packing up my suitcase. I’m leaving
for the world even if the journey is only in my
head. Let me run, let me fly, let me swim but just
don’t let these 4 walls crush my spirit.
I have so much more to see, I have so much life
within and I don’t want to be chained to this city.
I’d rather spend the night on the concrete under the
big lights than in the cold hug of my walls.

These walls are telling a story about a girl that wanted
it all but only ended up on the floor every time the
liquor would get her father spinning out of control.
Lately she’s been tilting at windmills and her exhausted
body hit the ground. She’s just staring at the walls now,
not even trying to make a move to brake the chains that
are holding her down. Her enemies are in her head, her mind
is tightening the noose around her neck. Who is she? Just
look in the mirror, she’ll be there.

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Quote

Give yourself perimission to live a big life. Step into who you are meant to be. Stop playing small. You’re meant for great things.

Here’s some morning inspiration for all of you. I’ve been reading some inspirational quotes and listened to some inspirational songs just to get the strenght to sit down and study but it’s not helping. I just need to grab my book, grab some coffee and a kleenex for my tears and get this party started. #iwanttodie

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Rule #5

rule 5

No matter how many people claim to know you and no matter how much you can rely on someone they will never be able to fight for you in the right way. I’m not talking about a man or a woman fighting for each other, I’m talking about people fighting for your dreams.

At the end of the day you will always be the one who knows best what you want in life, what you want to be and what you need to do to be it.

If you are going to bed miserable every night for something you did or let someone else do to you then you need to put on that cape and turn things around for yourself. And also refer to rule #4.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you have to be there for you and you have to believe in you. When things get out of control, when it gets hard just save yourself.

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You’re an individual

You’re an individual

A lot of things have happened lately in my life. I’ve moved into a new apartment, had a lot of problems and somewhere in the middle of all of that I forgot the things that made me who I am. I forgot my priorities. I just drifted away from everything I’ve been fighting for and now I’m trying to get back on track and in touch with myself. The worse things that are tormenting me right now are doubts and I came to one simple conclusion.

Sometimes solitude is the best thing you can give to yourself. Just some time to remember how it feels like to be alone with your head and your thoughts. The thought of having to spend time with myself and thinking about the things I’ve done and things that have been done to me is terrifying but I just need to step out of my comfort zone and so should you.

If you need some time alone don’t be afraid to shut the door to the whole world. The people who understand you for who you are will give you time to get back on point. The people who understand will still be ringing at that door and if you don’t want some of them around it’s okay not to open to those people. Don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you, don’t be afraid to be selfish sometimes.

If someone doesn’t understand your life path and doesn’t push you everyday to be a better person then he’s not your friend. He’s an acquaintance and you shouldn’t waste your time taking care of someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.

Don’t make friendship and go into relationships just because you’re afraid to lose someone. You are and individual and you need to learn how to live like one because then, and only then, will you find the people you need and you will be happy. The road to happiness is scary but good things will never be easy so don’t take even the smallest moment of happiness for granted because it might never come back.

If you don’t learn how to be an individual you will constantly fall under the influence of others and you will never be satisfied with yourself. How do you expect to accomplish anything if you nod you head to other people’s opinions and demands without stating your mind just because you are afraid of a confrontation? Set your priorities straight and fight for them.

Make a list of your priorities and hang it somewhere on the wall to remind yourself of who you are, what you need and who you strive to become. For every day that you do something that gets you closer to who you are, put a plus next to your priority. For every day you fall off track also put a plus because you’ve learned something. Don’t be discouraged with your mistakes and please don’t keep on repeating them.

Don’t let fear stop you. Don’t let anyone hold you down and now for the big finale: LOVE YOURSELF. If you feel something is wrong don’t just stop and wait, do something to change your state of mind. Value your own life, virtues, flaws, scars and the strength you have to change everything.

Keep your eyes on the prize. Don’t get scared. Learn how to be alone. Build yourself up as an individual so you could be a part of anything without losing who you are. Get your priorities straight. Love who you are and who you want to become. Fight.

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Your life awaits

Your life awaits

Work, study, just do something for what
society claims will lead you to a better life.
In the end she’ll be the same as all of them.
In the end, no matter how good she is, she’ll
keep standing in the same spot unless she has
a string to pull or some money that’ll get her by.

On the outside she looks nice and put together.
Drew that smile on her face and made
them think she’s got a hold of things.
She doesn’t show any weakness because she
knows it will lead to her destruction. She learns
what is there to learn and never shows incompetence.

The life she wants is written in her blood system.
She knows she has what it takes to win but it’s so
hard to stand out sometimes, it’s so hard for her
to pull herself together when she just wants to fall apart.
Tired and exhausted are the definitions of her physical state,
torn apart and insanity is what’s going on in her head.

But in the nights she shuts the lights
off and looks at herself from another light.
She lights the fire and inhales the life
in which everything is alright.

She is shined upon a light that leads
her to the life she always lived but never had.
A life that exists only in her dreams
where she’s safe and sound.

Go on girl, a new day is coming, you should
get prepared. Blow the roof of this place and
show them you are better than you were yesterday.
Just fake some strength and try your best to believe that
somewhere out there your life awaits.

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City lights

City lights

Stop for a second you crazy girl
if you just keep on running your legs
will fail you eventually. Try to learn how
to walk for a second and catch some breath.

Slow down you crazy girl, I know you’re
scared of living just to die. The fear of being
a statistic isn’t allowing you to sleep at night but
the truth is that it’s too early to become everything you
want to be.

Just keep on working, the city lights will always wait for you.

Stop for a second you crazy girl, don’t let your
ambitions get the best of you. I know you’ve
got so many things to do and so little time
but don’t forget you can’t always have it your way.

Slow down you crazy girl, remember that things won’t
fall apart if they aren’t done by you. Give someone else
the wheel and step outside to remind yourself of
what you want.

Just keep on working, the city lights will always wait for you.

Just slow down you crazy girl, remember that you’re
still a child and need someone to keep you safe
in the dark. You don’t have to be alone in this crazy
world, let your guards down for a while.

Just slow down you crazy girl, don’t forget who you
are because of who you want to be. Slow down, running
won’t get you places before you’re supposed to be there.
You’ve got your brain and your passion, stop being afraid.

Just keep on working, the city lights will always wait for you.

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