Get out of the box

Fear and other peoples’ opinions are the killer of dreams and prosperity. This is a phrase I have to repeat to myself daily and it took me years to come up with it and to completely acknowledge it.

I thought that I was always held down by others, that my life was a product of other peoples’ choices when in reality my response to their opinion was fear which made me put a hold on my dreams and taped my mouth shut when I wanted to speak up. Despite knowing that I need to listen to my gut, I still catch myself obsessing about somebody else’s opinion and I fear doing what I think is right because someone will judge me. Soon it will be a year since I said “ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT!”

A year ago I quit my university to do something. I had no idea what I was going to do. I just thought to myself that I need to step out of the box I put myself into and think for a second what is it that I really want. Trust me when I say that taking a step out of the box is never taking a step out of the box. First you scratch the surface a bit and they you wait to see what happens. Then you try to fix the scratch because you think you’ve done something wrong. Then you reach your hand through that box to feel the ground around it. Then you get scared and put that hand back. Then you sit tight in your box until you recover. After sometime you get your head out of the box and see that there are no monsters out there trying to kill you except the ones you make up yourself and you can control those. It’s all in your mind, it’s all about your mindset

That box can be the death of you so start scratching, reaching your hand out, seeing what’s out there because trust me that the journey is difficult but the outcome is amazing. A year ago I never thought I would be where I am today. I found myself in digital marketing. I finally came to accept that I don’t have to have everything figured out. I don’t think that not having a masters will make me beg on the street. I am educating myself through different channels, I am exploring my options, I am putting a price on my work because I finally realize my work is worth something.

The thing I want you to know is that you need to trust your gut, it already knows where you’re supposed to go. Give yourself some credit for how far you’ve come and keep on pushing. All you need is one person that believes in you and you need to be that person. Be your own backup plan, be your own cheerleader and just ignore the noise because that’s what it is. Just noise. People who have time to talk about you are people who have nothing better to do. Don’t give yourself enough time to be like them. Stay focused on what you need, what you want, where you want to go. It’s not a sin to put yourself first, it’s a necessity.  Embrace who you are and step into everything you are meant to be.

It’s hard

It’s hard

I could paint a perfect picture
of this ceiling I’ve been staring at
for hours. The lines, the imperfections,
the spider building a web in the corner.
Even the spider is building something and I’m
just stuck here with my empty head and
hollow heart. 

It’s hard to have a vision for the future
when you don’t know where your present is headed.
It’s hard to fade in your early years, watching
your dreams getting further away with every step you
take thinking you’re making them reality. 

From one crisis to the next, from one cigarette
to a whole pack, from one glass to a bottle,
from one day to another. Baby steps turning into
abrupt halts. Youth turning into ashes. 

I want to take my little black dress for a night out.
I want to move to the sound of music.
I want to see those far away cities, go from one
plane to the next destination. I want to touch the
ocean and see the earth from above. I want to
feel the sand underneath my feet while sipping a
cocktail on a sunny beach but I’m here getting familiar
with the ceiling.  

The earthquake beating in my chest
is an endless hallway and behind each door
is a story to be told with an unhappy ending.
Yes, an earthquake in my chest, because my heart
is miles away from me. I sold it for a ruined
fantasy but at least I gave it away. Thought it
would be easier. 

It’s hard to put my feet on the ground each day
knowing they will take me on a quest of
imposed society rules while my soul is craving
something real, something alive, something different. 

That thing, that happiness everyone talk about – where
is it hiding. How many miles, how many doors, how many
breakdowns and sleepless night away is it. It’s hard to be
young and so old. Full of energy and so tired. So alive and so dead.  

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A Chained Wanderlust

A Chained Wanderlust

A million years in the same place and
now I’m packing up my suitcase. I’m leaving
for the world even if the journey is only in my
head. Let me run, let me fly, let me swim but just
don’t let these 4 walls crush my spirit.

The same wall I’ve been staring at for years
started to speak to me. He said that even though
I’ve painted it the writings beneath are still
telling the story of the girl with many dreams.
He’s telling me to get my feet moving because
my life will pass and I will just be staring at it.
He’s telling me to get out of this town before
my heart dies and I get left with nothing to pour
into these lines.

A million years in the same place and
now I’m packing up my suitcase. I’m leaving
for the world even if the journey is only in my
head. Let me run, let me fly, let me swim but just
don’t let these 4 walls crush my spirit.
I have so much more to see, I have so much life
within and I don’t want to be chained to this city.
I’d rather spend the night on the concrete under the
big lights than in the cold hug of my walls.

These walls are telling a story about a girl that wanted
it all but only ended up on the floor every time the
liquor would get her father spinning out of control.
Lately she’s been tilting at windmills and her exhausted
body hit the ground. She’s just staring at the walls now,
not even trying to make a move to brake the chains that
are holding her down. Her enemies are in her head, her mind
is tightening the noose around her neck. Who is she? Just
look in the mirror, she’ll be there.

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Quote

Give yourself perimission to live a big life. Step into who you are meant to be. Stop playing small. You’re meant for great things.

Here’s some morning inspiration for all of you. I’ve been reading some inspirational quotes and listened to some inspirational songs just to get the strenght to sit down and study but it’s not helping. I just need to grab my book, grab some coffee and a kleenex for my tears and get this party started. #iwanttodie

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Rule #5

rule 5

No matter how many people claim to know you and no matter how much you can rely on someone they will never be able to fight for you in the right way. I’m not talking about a man or a woman fighting for each other, I’m talking about people fighting for your dreams.

At the end of the day you will always be the one who knows best what you want in life, what you want to be and what you need to do to be it.

If you are going to bed miserable every night for something you did or let someone else do to you then you need to put on that cape and turn things around for yourself. And also refer to rule #4.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you have to be there for you and you have to believe in you. When things get out of control, when it gets hard just save yourself.

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You’re an individual

You’re an individual

A lot of things have happened lately in my life. I’ve moved into a new apartment, had a lot of problems and somewhere in the middle of all of that I forgot the things that made me who I am. I forgot my priorities. I just drifted away from everything I’ve been fighting for and now I’m trying to get back on track and in touch with myself. The worse things that are tormenting me right now are doubts and I came to one simple conclusion.

Sometimes solitude is the best thing you can give to yourself. Just some time to remember how it feels like to be alone with your head and your thoughts. The thought of having to spend time with myself and thinking about the things I’ve done and things that have been done to me is terrifying but I just need to step out of my comfort zone and so should you.

If you need some time alone don’t be afraid to shut the door to the whole world. The people who understand you for who you are will give you time to get back on point. The people who understand will still be ringing at that door and if you don’t want some of them around it’s okay not to open to those people. Don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you, don’t be afraid to be selfish sometimes.

If someone doesn’t understand your life path and doesn’t push you everyday to be a better person then he’s not your friend. He’s an acquaintance and you shouldn’t waste your time taking care of someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.

Don’t make friendship and go into relationships just because you’re afraid to lose someone. You are and individual and you need to learn how to live like one because then, and only then, will you find the people you need and you will be happy. The road to happiness is scary but good things will never be easy so don’t take even the smallest moment of happiness for granted because it might never come back.

If you don’t learn how to be an individual you will constantly fall under the influence of others and you will never be satisfied with yourself. How do you expect to accomplish anything if you nod you head to other people’s opinions and demands without stating your mind just because you are afraid of a confrontation? Set your priorities straight and fight for them.

Make a list of your priorities and hang it somewhere on the wall to remind yourself of who you are, what you need and who you strive to become. For every day that you do something that gets you closer to who you are, put a plus next to your priority. For every day you fall off track also put a plus because you’ve learned something. Don’t be discouraged with your mistakes and please don’t keep on repeating them.

Don’t let fear stop you. Don’t let anyone hold you down and now for the big finale: LOVE YOURSELF. If you feel something is wrong don’t just stop and wait, do something to change your state of mind. Value your own life, virtues, flaws, scars and the strength you have to change everything.

Keep your eyes on the prize. Don’t get scared. Learn how to be alone. Build yourself up as an individual so you could be a part of anything without losing who you are. Get your priorities straight. Love who you are and who you want to become. Fight.

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Your life awaits

Your life awaits

Work, study, just do something for what
society claims will lead you to a better life.
In the end she’ll be the same as all of them.
In the end, no matter how good she is, she’ll
keep standing in the same spot unless she has
a string to pull or some money that’ll get her by.

On the outside she looks nice and put together.
Drew that smile on her face and made
them think she’s got a hold of things.
She doesn’t show any weakness because she
knows it will lead to her destruction. She learns
what is there to learn and never shows incompetence.

The life she wants is written in her blood system.
She knows she has what it takes to win but it’s so
hard to stand out sometimes, it’s so hard for her
to pull herself together when she just wants to fall apart.
Tired and exhausted are the definitions of her physical state,
torn apart and insanity is what’s going on in her head.

But in the nights she shuts the lights
off and looks at herself from another light.
She lights the fire and inhales the life
in which everything is alright.

She is shined upon a light that leads
her to the life she always lived but never had.
A life that exists only in her dreams
where she’s safe and sound.

Go on girl, a new day is coming, you should
get prepared. Blow the roof of this place and
show them you are better than you were yesterday.
Just fake some strength and try your best to believe that
somewhere out there your life awaits.

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