#savingme – Shame, shame

This is the hardest post I’ve made so far.

Shame is a hard topic for me. I hate parts of myself and I am working on healing them, but honestly it has not been easy for me.

I spent years feeling ashamed and alone. I had this idea in my head that if I let anyone get close, they would inevitably hurt me. I fought against myself. I would run away from relationships or I would let someone in and then push them away.

I started to add more Shame on top of the shame I already had. I started drinking to numb the pain, and all that did was cause more pain. I was stuck in a vicious cycle.

It wasn’t until a counselor told me that I had it all wrong, did I really start to understand the root of my fears. He taught me about transferred emotions. An idea that was foreign to me.

TRANSFERRED EMOTIONS

He explained that when we are young, under the age of 10 or so we don’t understand what shame is. Yes we know the difference between right and wrong. We can feel bad about something and scared of being punished, but at that age, shame is something we can only feel if it is transferred to us by someone else’s actions.

This is not to say you can’t have emotions transferred to you as an adult, you certainly can and it happens all the time.

For me it was the daily abuse, and eventually sexual abuse (at the age of 7),that I suffered from. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I truly understood what happened. I felt dirty and unclean.

I kept asking myself questions:

Why did this happen to me?

Was I a bad kid?

Did I even deserve to live?

The last thought plagued my mind for almost 15 years and still surfaces now and then.

NOT YOUR FAULT

I don’t know if I’ll ever be fully healed, but at least I am trying. One thing I have figured out, is that I am not to blame for my abuse. There was nothing I could have done to change what happened, it wasn’t my fault.

I did make some choices that I am not proud of, and while I probably made some of these choices because of my trauma, they were still my decisions.

I am making amends with my choices in the best way I can, by being a better person. I have been sober for years and while there have been some slip ups, I have never stopped trying to be a better person.

I hope this helps other people who have gone through, or are going through similar situations. While writing this is harder than I thought it would be, it definitely makes me feel better than I thought it would.

So, if anyone out here has been through verbal, mental, physical or sexual abuse, it’s not your fault.

People make choices and no one has the right to abuse you, and you don’t have the right to transfer that emotion on to another, just because you were abused.

Abuse is never an option and you deserve better.

Blog: https://oneregulardad.home.blog/

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#savingme is the column where abuse victims can publish their experiences just to let go and find comfort and support. Maybe it doesn’t feel like much but just publishing your story for others to read makes you strong. You can send your story about the abuse you went through to savingmestory@gmail.com and you can choose if you want it to be anonymous or not. More details here. 

While

Left alone again
While colours and patterns consume you
Sweet dreams and hope settle around your slumbering body
While I am tormented by my mind
Black butterflies invade my churning stomach
While I look upon my sleeping love
Not a single dream appears to be of me
While I doubt and doubt and doubt
Not you, but me
While the sting of hot tears briefly warms my raw skin
Where are you? Where are you?
While I handle this sharp blade
Contemplating, longing for a different sting
While I try to push the evil aside
The anger, oh this anger is raging inside
While I pull my hair hoping for relief
Left alone again
Alone
Again.

I have just started my blog to document my writing journey! I would never go as far to say I am a poet, but I do dabble in poetry now and again.  I only ever seem to write poetry when I am feeling sad, I use it as a form of release.

Blog: https://jenwrites.video.blog/

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

Positivity Press #50

It happened shortly after we were married. My wife and I were out driving one day when something caused us to pull off to the side of the road.

We stopped for a few minutes and as we started driving off again we looked each other in the eye and made a promise to each other to never NOT do what we had just done.

And 33 years later, we’ve managed to keep that promise.

So what exactly could have caused us to pull off the road that day that led us to making such a lifetime commitment?

A kid’s lemonade stand, of course!

lemonadestand

We had just been married a couple of weeks, and we were driving around trying to get familiar with our new neighborhood. We noticed that a couple of kids had set up a classic lemonade stand on the corner. They had a homemade posterboard advertising the business and a small table with a pitcher of lemonade and some dixie cups beside it.

My wife suggested that we stop, and I still remember how excited the kids were that someone was stopping to buy their lemonade. We bought two cups, left a generous tip (probably a quarter), and as we drove away, we couldn’t stop talking about how such a simple transaction could make someone feel so happy. And we weren’t talking about the kids, we were talking about ourselves. (The kids selling the lemonade seemed pretty happy too 🙂 )

So it was right then and there that we made a pledge to each other that we would ALWAYS stop at a kid’s lemonade stand whenever we saw one, and I think we’ve held true to that promise.

In fact, what inspired this post is the fact that I stopped at a lemonade stand today. It was an easy one to stop at; it was on a quiet street, and it was set-up on the side that I was driving. That’s not always the case; over the years we’ve done u-turns and crossed four lane highways just to get a cup of lemonade and keep our promise to each other.

I also think that over the years I’ve grown to appreciate lemonade stands even more.

To me, it’s a tradition that reminds me of simpler times. Kids are outside with their friends; there’s no electronic gadgets necessary to sell lemonade; kids are doing it because they want to, no one is forcing them to do this; kids get excited when you leave a tip, no matter the size of the tip.

I’ve also gotten more sophisticated over the years in the questions I ask these budding entrepreneurs. It used to be simple questions like “Are you having fun?” or “Is this your first time to sell lemonade?” Now I ask them if they know what their profit margin is on each cup, if they’ve calculated the cost of acquiring a customer, if they’ve tried split testing different marketing approaches, if they plan to expand to other neighborhoods, if they’ve considered franchising, if they have an exit plan, or if they’ve thought about an IPO someday.

Of course my wife just tells me to be quiet, and to leave a big tip.

Our own kids even would set up the occasional lemonade stand. They really hit the jackpot when they discovered how popular a lemonade stand would be at Villanova University on move-in day. They would make enough that one day to not worry about having another lemonade stand until next year’s move in day. Of course, like any good business idea, other kids started to do the same thing, and then it got so out of control that the local police had to shut down the stands. As an interesting side note, one of the stands shut down was being run by a couple of Andy Reid’s sons. Reid was the coach of the Philadelphia Eagles at the time.

And who knows what great things could be accomplished using the simple idea of a lemonade stand.

Alexandra “Alex” Flynn Scott was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a pediatric cancer, two days before her first birthday. In July 2000, in spite of her own failing health, she decided to open a lemonade stand, aided by her older brother, to raise money to help children with cancer. They held an annual “Alex’s Lemonade Stand for Childhood Cancer” on the family’s front lawn. Her first lemonade stand raised over $2,000 and turned into an annual tradition.

In 2004, Alex passed away at the age of eight at her house with her parents at her side. By that time, her stand and inspiration had raised more than $1 million toward finding a cure for the disease that took her life.

Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation was started by her parents in 2005 to continue the work that Alex began. Since Alex set up her first lemonade stand in 2000, the Foundation has raised more than $100 million.

So the next time you see a lemonade stand, please stop and buy a cup. Who knows, you could be funding the next Steve Jobs, helping to find a cure for cancer, or simply making some kid’s day. All those quarters can make a difference, and a happy marriage.

Blog: https://jborden.com/

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Guest post information

This blog is expanding really fast, new followers are coming on board every single day and I’m thrilled! Our little community is not that little anymore!

Since new bloggers who join us have questions about guest posts and don’t feel like digging through the blog to find all of the previous posts here are the three ways you can guest post on Luna. I will probably repeat this post after every 200-400 new followers just to keep everyone up to speed.

So our beloved POETRY BAR – here you send your poetry works to poetrybar1@gmail.com together with a few words about yourself and a link to your blog and an Instagram account if you have one since The Poetry Bar does and we post your works there also. Check it out here:  https://www.instagram.com/the.poetrybar/

Our middle child of guest posts is THE POSITIVITY PRESS – here you send your positive stories, share positive vibes, send pictures, tell us about your new job or hobby and send them to postpositivity@gmail.com. It was designed to bring joy to us on a daily basis and keep us positive and grateful for all the little experiences that happen to us. You just need to send your positive vibes to the e-mail address and attach a blog link if you’d like

And our new born baby is #savingme project – here you can share your stories about any type of abuse you’ve experienced. The email is savingmestory@gmail.com. The project was made to let abuse victims know they are not alone. If you don’t want to share your whole story, you can share how you got out, some advice to people going through this hell currently. It’s a safe place and your story can be published completely anonymously. Also, you can see that I post about my own experience with domestic abuse and not only my story but my thoughts, mechanisms that helped me overcome it etc.

 

That’s pretty much it. Now, new bloggers and old bloggers let’s see what you’ll send my way. Love you all!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

MEMORY

A roadblock to my brain
a dagger to my throat.
I cant explain this pain
that’s why I wrote
this poem.
For you.
Only you.
I’m waving you through
like the ocean waves goodbye.
A silent memory grew
and a loud memory died.

Hey my name is Lynsey Bradshaw and I am an up and coming poet/author/real world blogger. I am 28 and in school to pursue a Doctorate in Psychology. I started out with a rough history and past and try to share my mistakes with everyone so you can take something away from them to better yourselves. Demented Humor in my posts, sometimes in my poetry. Stephen King fan forever and also love anything horror, gory or blood related.
Blog: http://misunderstoodinsanity.health.blog

Softly, Softly

The sun rises in the morning,
Spreading warmth and light over shadows,
Your love moves the same,
Spreading joy with every touch.

Even in my darkest moments,
When fear paralyses me,
And knowing creatures flicker,
Your hands hold me in the dark.

When I feel as if I am swarmed by sadness,
And overwhelmed by my own thoughts,
Your rays of sunshine pierce me,
Filling me with happiness I didn’t know I could possess

So at the end of the day,
When I am weary and sad,
I ask of you one thing;

Kiss me softly love, and hold me tight,
Surround me with thoughts of you,
As I drift into the night.

 Hi I’m Emelie! I love writing about my thoughts or experiences, and have recently started posting poems that I’ve written. I find writing very therapeutic and a great way to express myself!
Instagram: em_theginger_one

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

To The Romeo I’ve Never Had

High hopes to the sky limits

drove me through a paradise, that
I thought my inner demons,
cried in hunger for a sinful glee.

Dreams were haunted,
my mind in scattered beliefs,
dear god, ‘help me!’
was all I could say.

Feeling a bliss so galore,
the eternal suffering less felt,
buried underneath in the core of my fear
to lose a reverie — a craving.

Reality, the greatest enemy
the happiness lost, I owned;
to you who I blame, my ardent despair
let me be.

No more I seek,
a pleasure to my suffering being.
To the Romeo, I’ve never had,
farewell, my lost mirage.

-T.B.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tharooshie/

About the Writer: Hi to all! I am Tharushi. Just a girl who craft letters to mirror her soul. I write about ranging from poetry to non-fiction. Thank you for reading my work. Hope to see you on my blog. Much love!

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com