Put your own oxygen mask

In the past few months my life went from comfortable to everything I thought it will never be. In just a few short months I got my Bachelor’s, got into grad school, dropped out, came home after three years of living alone and became a waitress collecting her tuition fee for a private university. That’s a lot to happen in a few months.

Since the day I started to realize I was unhappy about my life, while I was still at my university, I encountered a big problem I used to struggle with as a kid while my abusive father was living with us. My panic attacks were back. It was overwhelming. It was scary. It was also a big, fucking neon sign that said “GET OUT!”.

In these few months I realized the importance of one very simple sentence everyone heard if they were ever on a plane (I was actually never on a plane). The sentence goes: First put your own oxygen mask.

There is so much meaning in this sentence and I guess I, myself, had to go through a bunch of problems, get my panic attacks again to realize I have chosen to take that oxygen mask off and deprive myself of air for so long. I was completely neglecting myself just to make everyone else happy and maintain a certain image about myself because I thought and was taught all my life that I had to do everything to come off as a well put-together person. I was also taught that a university degree is the only road to success, that other peoples’ opinions matter the most etc. I was force fed a lot of bullshit through my life and I am here to tell you to slap that damn oxygen mask on your face.

Stop suffocating yourself and stop making yourself small in order to fit in with some worthless standards our societies and upbringing have made us follow. If you are not happy with yourself, not only are you hurting yourself but you are hurting the people who care about you. When you are in a bad place in your life for a longer period of time you can’t be the person, child, mother, sister, worker, friend, girlfriend, boyfriend that you actually want to be. If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else or make anyone else happy.

Also, if you sacrifice your happiness and wellbeing to make others happy and satisfied with time you will start to resent them and blame them for your own unhappiness. Let me just get this clear. It’s not their damn fault, it’s yours and you need to own up to your mistakes. It was your choice to sacrifice your mental health to make someone else happy. Don’t drown yourself in sorrow now – TAKE ACTION!

Get yourself out of that dark place, find your oxygen mask and put it on. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. Make yourself the person you want to be so that you could be the person people you care about need. Put yourself first and, I can’t stress this out enough, that is not selfish. Your happiness and mental health are just as important as everyone else’s and it depends on you.

To repeat again (I feel like a parrot): First, put your own oxygen mask!

Poem #103

Women like her don’t fall.
They wear their pain with pride, like
bright colors to warn the enemy that
they have been through hell and made it
through.

Women like her can’t be defeated.
Defeat is a lesson and they accept it as well
as they accept a victory. Her level is
above and beyond. She is strong.
She is fierce. Don’t bother trying to
stop her because she knows where
she’s going.

Poem #83

The explosion is over and the fear
is still lingering. There are so many small
pieces around me and as I step my feet
bleed. This ground is already soaked
in my tears, why wouldn’t it receive
some blood as well?

I could have turned around and travel
the path that wouldn’t hurt me but, as
I said, this ground is covered in my blood
and tears. If you need me, I’ll just be here
collecting pieces, assembling new bricks
and building my path on my own blood and tears.
I guess I don’t need a road to be clear,
I guess I enjoy this fear.

Poem #80

Turn your rage into a wrecking
ball and tear down the walls you
built around his memory.
See him for who he really was but
don’t waste to much time on that
because he doesn’t deserve it.

See yourself for who you really are.
See how amazing and powerful you
are and give yourself the treatment
your beautiful soul deserves after
being tortured for so long.

Poem #78

Be so human they can’t handle you.
Be so real they have no other choice
than to hate you because they don’t
quite understand you.
Be so you they become ashamed of
being a flock of sheep.

Quote

A little bit of Monday motivation from Fight 

You will fall and you will cry but you
will get back up and you will climb. Life didn’t
give you anything you can’t put up with so be proud
of yourself for making it this far. Here comes another
round – FIGHT!

 

Poem #61

I’ve dug out my roots a long time
ago, back when I thought the world was
infinite and that I was meant to explore it.

Now I’m just dragging those roots behind
me. I step with them into every day with
the sky painted gray. They are the painful
reminder that I have such big wings and such
little room to move.

I tried chopping them off but they grow back
even longer and stronger. I think they’re trying
to send a message. I think they’re trying to
tell me to learn how to use my feet to cross
the lines instead of using my hands to draw new ones.

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