Categories
Post Prose

The Flip Side of the Snake (Venomous Eulogy)

Sometimes I try to wrap my head around the fact that you spit vitriol venom on the daily on my young impressionable mind, and that shit sticks in the deep recesses of my thoughts, but Mom’s openness far outweighs a larger percentage of my sense of self. Words of hate I don’t use nor want to use or to write, so I won’t.

That was your beef.

Although that one fight when you said you hated Mom’s People (The Syrians) and were proud to be Aryan!, but straight up ? I think there was not just German but Jewish in your heritage….but I’ll never know, now.

I can respect your decision to break the cycle of violence that you and your brother suffered from your Dad & Step Mom but why was it so hard to go full circle ? Why when my brother picked on me did you feel the need to join in ? To fuel the flame ?

Those bizarre needs to pretend to throw me into a creek or over a bridge, that personal derision of constantly calling me “Little Shirl” ? I sometimes wonder why the hell you and Mom married in the first place or why divorce as opposed to death was never on the table.

When on Mom’s burial day, I grew weak in the knees and you approached me with a comfort hug and I PUSHED you away.

There was a lot of distrust and anger prior to February 7th, 2002. After that day, I tried my damndest to put up steel wall’s but at best they were only aluminum.

And the distance grew at great lengths.

But there was resolve. And now you’re but a memory. The depression is there minus the anxiety, but my mind is clear. Far more clear than the dark cloud that loomed from 2002-2010.

This is just another day.

Yet a more peaceful, day.

Matt Snyder has been writing and doing all things in the arts probably all of his 49 years. He has been actively involved in the Lehigh Valley arts scene since 1988. He’s had work published in various small press publications in the ’90’s, food, music and artistic reviews for local newspapers and publications, written for the film & stage and slammed his poetry at both Mayfair festival of the arts and with Red Sun productions at Touchstone Theater in the aughts. He can currently be found blogging at : aprolificpotpourri.wordpress.com

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

Categories
Food

Caramelized banana oatmeal

Good morning! I don’t know what time it is in your country (tell me in the comments) but here in Croatia it’s 10:20 in the morning and I’ve been up since 8. Decided to take a morning walk to clear out my head and run some errands and now I’m enjoying my delicious, sweet breakfast.

I wrote in my post Grateful that I’m a big breakfast enthusiast so I decided to share one of my favorite and very easy breakfast recipe. This is my caramelized banana oatmeal.

All you need is some oatmeal, a banana, honey, salt, coconut oil and cinnamon. You cook your oatmeal on the side and you heat up a pan. Place the coconut oil, honey, salt and cinnamon on to the pan and when everything is nice and melted place your banana slices there. Turn them once to get some caramel on the other side as well. When you place everything into the bowl add some more cinnamon or flax seed, as you wish and enjoy your breakfast!

In my version there is also a large cup of black coffee waiting for me because I have so much studying to do today. I was a bit disappointed yesterday because I found out I failed an exam. It was actually translating a text from Croatian to Spanish and I honestly thought I did a good job, but no. I failed. It’s not the end of the world because I have the right to take the exams four more times so I’m going to study really hard to pass it.

This is pretty much it from me today. Hope you all have a great weekend!

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Categories
Coffee Date

Home

HOME – one’s place of residence ; the social unit formed by a family living together

at home

  • 1:  relaxed and comfortable :  at ease

By Merriam – Webster dictionary this is the definition of home and it is accepted by the society. Even when we hear the word home the things that come to our head are a happy family, warmth, our favorite room of our house, the smell of our favorite dish but the problem is that those pictures fade away and all we’re left with are memories or they were never really there.

What is a home?

For me, it should be a place in which we feel comfortable enough to be ourselves, a place in which we are accepted for everything that we are and where we aren’t afraid to face our biggest fears. A bloodline family is not necessary in this picture and neither is a house.

Home can be everything. A person, a song, a place, a piece of clothing, or just ourselves. When we find ourselves in difficult times or when we feel alone, most of the time we want to go home, to the place in which we feel safe so we might as well make that place ourselves.

It’s nice to have someone to lean on and to talk to but at the end of the day, whether you like it or not, you still live inside your skin. Make it comfortable. Learn to be your own backup, your own warrior, your own savior and that feeling of loneliness will slowly fade away. Everyone should work first on their relationship with themselves and then on their relationship with others.

Realize that your own two hands are strong enough to hold you up and build you up.

If you already want to run back home, run back into yourself. At least this way, your home will never be to far away.

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Categories
Coffee Date

Power of love or love of power?

Any person with a slight view of their future has some sort of goals and dreams they are trying to achieve. I’m the kind of person that is so determined to make my dreams come true that sometimes I view everyday things as pure obstacles on my way. What happens when love, one of the strongest feelings, becomes an obstacle for us and we corrupt it in order to move forward?

During the course of my life I’ve never been in any kind of serious relationship and I kept telling myself it was because I can’t find the right guy or the right time or some other excuse people make up in order not to face their own feelings. Lately I’ve been getting tired of excuses and talking about the problems. I decided to face it.

I love power too much and I love having the power over my life and my future which means opening up to someone and showing them how weak I can be is an invasion of my power. Many of us are like that, but only some of us will confess it. Power is something people fight for everyday – at work, in schools, in society groups and in relationships, but did we take it too far? We took our hearts out of the picture and we gave our brains another function –they are beating for us.

Feelings, love, honesty, trust and loyalty are such a twisted phenomenon for us that we can’t even recognize them when we see them. People started perceiving relationships and opening up to people as a power trade in which they lose if the other side is being ‘’smart’’ enough to keep their power all to themselves and trade lies instead. We are ready to live in a relationship with our power but we aren’t ready to open up and create something worth living for.

Now I speak to all people like me. You have the power but the longer you keep it without risking it, the more it becomes comfort and you lose it. Selfishly holding on to your power and locking the doors of your world is showing fear and not power. The true power is being able to let someone in and stitch your wounds when they are gone. The true power is being strong enough to be weak in front of someone. The true power is standing strong after having your heart shattered. Love is true power, it’s not a weak point.

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