Poem #180

The voices inside and out were loud.
You lost control.
You just went with the flow and tried to
suppress the only voice important – your own.
In the midst of the chaos you said no to everything.
The phone stopped ringing and the chaos stopped.
For the first time you realized that the only
friend and the only lover you were looking for
was the one everyone fears – loneliness.
I guess you aren’t scared, you are one of the strong ones.
Embrace the strength.

Home

Home

HOME – one’s place of residence ; the social unit formed by a family living together

at home

  • 1:  relaxed and comfortable :  at ease

By Merriam – Webster dictionary this is the definition of home and it is accepted by the society. Even when we hear the word home the things that come to our head are a happy family, warmth, our favorite room of our house, the smell of our favorite dish but the problem is that those pictures fade away and all we’re left with are memories or they were never really there.

What is a home?

For me, it should be a place in which we feel comfortable enough to be ourselves, a place in which we are accepted for everything that we are and where we aren’t afraid to face our biggest fears. A bloodline family is not necessary in this picture and neither is a house.

Home can be everything. A person, a song, a place, a piece of clothing, or just ourselves. When we find ourselves in difficult times or when we feel alone, most of the time we want to go home, to the place in which we feel safe so we might as well make that place ourselves.

It’s nice to have someone to lean on and to talk to but at the end of the day, whether you like it or not, you still live inside your skin. Make it comfortable. Learn to be your own backup, your own warrior, your own savior and that feeling of loneliness will slowly fade away. Everyone should work first on their relationship with themselves and then on their relationship with others.

Realize that your own two hands are strong enough to hold you up and build you up.

If you already want to run back home, run back into yourself. At least this way, your home will never be to far away.

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Damn, I did it again

Damn, I did it again

Damn, I did it again. My heart was
in a shell and my brain was crumbling
under the fear. Something told me that the
line is the last place where I want to put my heart.

You were so sweet, you were so perfect but you
couldn’t understand what disappointment does to people.

It makes us look at love like a game and we refuse to
risk anything even at the cost of gaining everything
because we can’t go down that road again.

The strongest hearts have been through so much and
they shut themselves out because they know
they won’t be able to go another round. We’re not strong,
we’re closed; we’re not fearless, we’re weak.

Just keep on telling me how much you love me,
it’s so sweet to hear those words but if you want
something in return you’re in the wrong place.

It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s not that I don’t
need you, but I just can’t put myself out there.
I can’t give you control, I can’t let you know
that you can crush my world by walking out that door.

A safe ground is what I need, a safe ground underneath
my feet. You can’t give it to me because my heart is
refusing to believe that love can exist unconditionally.

You’re worth it all but I’m just not ready to fall because
I don’t know how to wait for someone to catch me. I only
know how to land myself on my feet.

You’re everything I hoped for and it pains me to let
you go because I don’t know how to let go. The truth is
that a safe ground is what I need, a safe ground underneath
my feet and I always find it in solitude, never with you.

Damn, I did it again. I locked my feelings in my mind
in order to protect my heart. It wasn’t your fault, it’s
the way I am. I hope you can forgive me, I hope
I didn’t cause you much pain.

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Listen to me

Listen to me

Listen to me.
I know you’ve had it rough but
put a smile on your face because
no storm lasts forever. Everything will
turn for the best, you’ll discover a world
of opportunities and you just have to reach high.

Listen to me.
It’s too early to give up the fight. When you reach
the top you’ll enjoy the view and appreciate the
struggle but you won’t be standing still. You’ll
find another mountain to climb because you’ll be
a warrior. You will be in love with the game.

Listen to me.
What has passed has passed. Don’t shed a tear
over something you can’t make right. Even when
everything falls apart just clean up the mess and
build new foundations to become better every day.

Listen to me.
When you think it’s too late and the ticking
clock becomes too loud just bang it against that
wall and give yourself time to get back on your feet.
Don’t get scared now, don’t get paralyzed.

Listen to me.
My words are all I can give to you and maybe
they aren’t much. I don’t even know you but
believe me when I say that there are great things
coming your way. Just work for them.

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Chamber of regrets

Chamber of regrets

I had doubts from the beginning
and I guess I should have listened
to that voice in my head saying: ‘’slow
down girl, it’s going so fast’’.

Not really sure what was I looking for,
maybe some love and affection. I knocked
on the wrong door and entered a chamber
of regret that has no exit sign.

I’m just sitting here, wondering where I
went wrong. Maybe I should have been
more careful and listen to my inner voice.

I feel weak and I need manna to fall from the
sky because I doubt I’m capable of even fighting
for my breath right now.

This chamber of regret has a sweet taste to it.
I think I’ll just sit here some more and contemplate
about my deed. No rage, no sadness – just thinking.

Will it give me strength to pull myself out of this strange
place? I don’t know, but right now I got used to the silence
and it doesn’t torment me like it did before.

I’ve made so many mistakes and I know I should
make it right but I have no strength to change.
This chamber of regrets became my safe place.

 

P.S. So this is what happened. My FB page was deleted for some reason and I had 2000 fans. I’m trying to get back on my feet so could you help me a little with pressing like.
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