Typewriter Poetry

I’m drained

Hello everybody!

Lately I’ve been feeling really guilty because I wasn’t putting so much effort in my blog as I used to and also The Poetry Bar has been suffering due to my lack of work. Since I feel a really strong attachment to this blog and I am so grateful to all of the people following me I just felt like I should explain myself.

To be honest, in the last few weeks I haven’t been putting much effort into anything. I just let time pass by, I stopped taking care of myself and it has made me feel completely drained of energy and motivation to work. Actually, I feel like a really big hypocrite because of it since I’m always preaching about self-care and putting yourself first when you need to and I haven’t been doing that lately. The consequences of my behavior are visible on my lack of work on the blog and The Poetry Bar and on my health since I’ve gained weight, been ill lately, started smoking again etc. I’ve been having some issues in my personal life that had a really big impact on me and the only person I am blaming for it is myself and not the people involved because I know that I know better than to have such a negative and self-destructive response to problems.

That’s pretty much it. I am just drained and exhausted. I promised myself to take better care of my health, both mental and physical – actually I am committing to it before things get worse. I hope you all understand and I hope that you don’t hold a grudge because I didn’t post as much, answer to all of your comments and emails. Thank you so much for being here and for reading this and if you are going through something similar I hope that maybe this text has helped you realize that you too need to focus on yourself more. Please do send more of your works to The Poetry Bar so that we can get it up and running again and as soon as I get some more inspiration I will post more work.

Have a lovely rest of the week!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Poem #189

How many lives have you
started tomorrow?
How many lies have you told
yourself to postpone the final
stepping into everything you want to be?
Don’t live in pain and in the fear
of the unknown. Step into everything you
are meant to be.

When you make a mistake you will hurt
but this life you’re living is hurting you too.

Poem #181

Between reason and love I chose
love every time and every time
without a doubt I fell hard.
And I loved every second of my
body hitting the ground because it
was done for the only thing
worth fighting for in life.

Poem #180

The voices inside and out were loud.
You lost control.
You just went with the flow and tried to
suppress the only voice important – your own.
In the midst of the chaos you said no to everything.
The phone stopped ringing and the chaos stopped.
For the first time you realized that the only
friend and the only lover you were looking for
was the one everyone fears – loneliness.
I guess you aren’t scared, you are one of the strong ones.
Embrace the strength.

Poem #166

I refer to this place I’m in right know
as to a dead spot. I’ve been on this dead spot
for years,  no movement forward or backwards.
the same shit, every day, for years.

I bang my head into a wall thinking it will bring
me clarity because no right answer in my life
came from happiness. It always came from pain.
Nothing happened. I just have a red mark on my
forehead now. Guess the pain isn’t working anymore.

But that one great thing is coming. I know it is. I’ve been
waiting for it for years. High school graduation, university,
boyfriends, new job, new meditation… I thought all of these
things were that one big thing, but I was wrong. And I was wrong
one too many times and now the doors are shut and the windows
are so small I can’t crawl out and I’m stuck here on this dead spot
and I’m trying and I’m pretending I know where I’m going and the
key word here is “I” because it’s just me here, I’m alone here.

I did this to myself. I got me here and I don’t know how to get out.
I don’t know how to ask for help. I can’t find that one big thing,
that great change. Maybe I am the thing that needs to change.
Who am I?