Wooing the Callipygian Cantabrigian

I saw her in Cambridge, Mass.
Oh my, what a beautiful ass!
She had me at hello
And after telling me no
To my advances as we were walking to class

I was a freshman, she a sophomore
Who told me she transferred from Swarthmore
I don’t date freshman
She claimed with expression
I’d rather read Cooper and Hawthorne!

They bore me to death, you see
She continued her denial of me
I’d rather eat toads
Found on the roads
Of woodsmen who toil in the trees

But, My Dear, neither do I
I refuse to give freshmen a try
We have that in common
I really like your bottom
And predict our tryst will come nigh

You silly little boy, please give up
For I’d rather date a dead pup
Your bids are flattering
But don’t amount to a smattering
I need from a man who’s grown up!

But, on together we walked
And even continued to talk
I said I had flowers
And ivory towers
With all their whiteboards and chalk

This made her grin just a little
And I thought even made her giggle
No, she declared with a smirk
‘Twas a bird with a quirky chirp
But now, there was room to wiggle

How can you resist this face?
I asked with a bit of grace
Do you think it not cute?
Or that I’m a commoner brute
Who will rob your leather and lace?

I think you are smitten, I carried forth
And I’ll prove it in a moment, of course
But for now as we stroll
You find my humor quite droll
I will bet you are begging for more!

Begging for nothing! she quipped
As she began to crack her whip
You speak foolish things
Oh, how my ears ring
With the noise of a sinking ship!

My Dear, our ship has not sunk
But is sailing soon, with much luck
Won’t you join me for dinner?
I believe that’s a winner
For dessert, we can have a good…

A good what?! she snarled and shrieked
You are nothing but a weird freak!
I will not loan myself to a lad
Who would use me as only a fad
Your chances with me are mighty bleak!

Ah, bleak is not bad, I went on
I will take these odds and be strong
Your rump entices me
Your wittiness dices me
Do you dare say I am wrong?

Be that as it may
I have nothing more to say.
But these wants and desires
Will set you on fire,
I replied, my feelings will stay

Your feelings are yours, she said
How much longer must I endure this dread?
I retorted: Oh, goodness sakes
For only as long as it takes
Me to woo you into breaking some bread!

So, how ’bout a date with me?
I’m not all that bad, you will see
Then, she grinned at that bird
Whose chirp she had heard
And huffed: I suppose it will be!

My name is Edwin Wollet. I am a middle-aged college student who, in addition to enjoying studying the human mind, also likes to write for pleasure. I appreciate writing that makes me think or laugh. A piece that does both is golden in my book. Thank you for reading my poem; I hope you liked it. You can view more of my works at https://saddlefatigue.wordpress.com

If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

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