One Hit

Today is the day.
I will no longer get my fix.
No doubt. No way.
Getting myself out of the mix.
I feel so free,
I am finally me.
Tired as hell,
Not feeling so well.
Distracting my brain,
Life is a strain.
Crawling out of my shirt.
One hit wouldn’t hurt.
Wait, stop! What are you thinking!!!
No drugs! No drinking!
Thinking of you…
What should I do???
Pacing a rut in the floor.
I head for the door.
Sitting in the car for an hour.
Fuck, I need a cold shower.
Water running over my head.
My mind full of dread.
Feeling so alone,
I go grab my phone.
Staring at the screen.
What would one hit really mean?
I call you, to talk me down,
But you’re gone, so in tears I drown.
One more call, now I feel like shit.
What could it hurt, I just need one hit.

My name is Jesse, I am a writer. I post both poetry and mental health pieces about my own struggles and journey on my blog here: https://oneregulardad.home.blog/

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

5 thoughts on “One Hit

  1. That’s some painful and dark stuff there. I can’t begin to imaging the struggle one must feel in those situations. That’s why it is important for people to share things like this, not to normalize addiction and pain but to humanize people who deal with it. I look forward to reading more of your work, Jesse, and I pray that the outlet of writing brings you some comfort and healing in your life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I appreciate that a lot. I spent years bottling up my pain and letting it fester. That’s partly what lead me to trying drugs in the first place. Trying to fill that void.

    Once I started, it was extremely difficult to stop. It wasn’t until years later I realized that it was just creating a loop. Addiction feeding more pain and suffering.

    Thanks again for the read, have a great day.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. What a wonderful poem! While some might label it as doggerel; that is, “comic verse composed in irregular rhythm.” I would never do so. With analytical precision, you’ve capture the near-hysterical, circular thinking that is a symptom of detoxification. Well done! Please remember that there are many people in your corner, as long as you are willing to ask for help. Please believe that I am one of those people who shares your struggle and can relate one hundred percent. –Russell

    Liked by 1 person

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