Ooooooh, this is an interesting one for me! I have to say, it would be the past for me, but let me explain.
For those who are new here, I am just going to mention I have been through domestic abuse as a child, you can read more about it on #savingme. I have started therapy in my mid twenties to deal with the issues I was left with because of my childhood and I had to explore my past a lot. Another reason why I sometimes sit and think about the past is because I cannot remember everything well. I have a big issue with repressed memory and sometimes I feel like I am missing some important parts of me because my brain decided to hide them from me.
Since I grew up in a lot of uncertainty, thinking about the future wasn’t a big concept for me. In my house we lived one day at a time hoping it would be a good and peaceful one. The only mentions of future for me were “Study, go to school, get a good job and get out of here” and I did that… For a while and then I dropped out of grad school and everything I had planned disappeared.
I had to start again, figure out what I want and it was completely my decision to do so, but I struggled a lot with feeling like a failure because I quit school. That was probably the last drop in the bucket and my brain just decided that the future is not something we think about. I kind of don’t want to make long term plans or plan everything ahead because I don’t want to deal with feeling like a failure if I don’t succeed at everything.
When I do think about the future, I think about a short time span. For example, in the next 6 months I would like to publish my book. This year I want to focus on my professional education. But I don’t have a strict timeline for anything and I have no idea where I might end up in 5 years and I don’t even think about it. I hate the “Where do you see yourself in 5 years” question because I simply don’t see myself in five years. I barely see myself in two years
And I think that has a beauty to it because it allows me to constantly evolve and grow and change while under strict rules and expectations for the future I would become stagnant.
How do you live your life?
Love,
Luna
My book is available on Amazon: Rehab
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