Ooooooh, this is an interesting one for me! I have to say, it would be the past for me, but let me explain.
For those who are new here, I am just going to mention I have been through domestic abuse as a child, you can read more about it on #savingme. I have started therapy in my mid twenties to deal with the issues I was left with because of my childhood and I had to explore my past a lot. Another reason why I sometimes sit and think about the past is because I cannot remember everything well. I have a big issue with repressed memory and sometimes I feel like I am missing some important parts of me because my brain decided to hide them from me.
Since I grew up in a lot of uncertainty, thinking about the future wasn’t a big concept for me. In my house we lived one day at a time hoping it would be a good and peaceful one. The only mentions of future for me were “Study, go to school, get a good job and get out of here” and I did that… For a while and then I dropped out of grad school and everything I had planned disappeared.
I had to start again, figure out what I want and it was completely my decision to do so, but I struggled a lot with feeling like a failure because I quit school. That was probably the last drop in the bucket and my brain just decided that the future is not something we think about. I kind of don’t want to make long term plans or plan everything ahead because I don’t want to deal with feeling like a failure if I don’t succeed at everything.
When I do think about the future, I think about a short time span. For example, in the next 6 months I would like to publish my book. This year I want to focus on my professional education. But I don’t have a strict timeline for anything and I have no idea where I might end up in 5 years and I don’t even think about it. I hate the “Where do you see yourself in 5 years” question because I simply don’t see myself in five years. I barely see myself in two years
And I think that has a beauty to it because it allows me to constantly evolve and grow and change while under strict rules and expectations for the future I would become stagnant.
How do you live your life?
Love,
Luna
My book is available on Amazon: Rehab
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I usually think more about the future than the past, at least that’s my goal. Yesterday, I was haunted by bad past experiences that were rooted in both my own and other’s actions and decisions. My dreams last night were dark and broody. I’m hoping a good breakfast will clear things up and today will be different. I won’t have cocoa puffs, but I might have granola!
Luna, you have a kind soul. Sometimes we got put through horrors, but we come away with this kindness, the deep appreciation you have of others, and you may have been different had you been raised differently. Young one, please remember that it is never the peaceful times that make us learn valuable things. Growth can come, strength can be developed, from our very worst times. It doesn’t make sense, but it is always true. Blessings, young friend. Be well.
I’m very sorry that you were put through such a thing. You have a beautiful, radiant spirit. A kind one. Never forget that. We see it.
I kind of don’t want to make long term plans or plan everything ahead because I don’t want to deal with feeling like a failure if I don’t succeed at everything. ditto
I don’t you would ever become stagnant who you are a Luna Luna reminds me of the moth green lovely protected in Virginia doesn’t keep it alive true is always like to kill things that are so beautiful new Grace page with your writing.
This is a very honest post: I like it! I like your 6 month concept😀keep going!
Nice story ,everyone always face this situation and react differently according to his/her mental abilities
Hello