Saturday talks

Hello everyone, hope you are having a great Saturday!

Since the last rant things have remained the same with this clogged ear of mine, I am still deaf but I am happy because yesterday I came home. I am finally in my apartment and in my room and I’ve missed it soooooo much.

And I’ve missed my mom’s cooking. I’ve had a bit too much food today and I always do this when I come home to my mom after a long period of time. I am a lousy cook and also I do not like to cook so coming home to her is a blessing when it comes to food.

I have been having some issues with my diet lately and I have been thinking about transitioning to a Mediterranean diet. It wouldn’t be so hard for me because it bases on fruits and veggies which I already eat an abundance off.

What else is neeeeew? Oh yeah, we are soon reaching 6k subscribes on this blog and I never thought this will happen. Like, we are closer to 10k than to 1k which we had a few months ago. I love how fast our little community is growing – not so little anymore to be honest!

This whole blog was a real step out of my comfort zone, especially since I made the vacation vlog and published it on Youtube. It’s the small things that count, you know. I am actually trying to come up with some video ideas when I already opened a Youtube channel.

I have been writing a new Coffee Date with Luna for the last week and a half. It’s just some of my thoughts about that disgusting piece of shit Epstein. As you can see, I hate him and I am sorry that he was killed before her could pay for what he has done and before he could open that filthy mouth on everyone else who was involved. Yes, this post escalated quickly and yes I do believe that he was killed. That wasn’t a suicide. Period.

The reason why it’s taking me so long to upload and finish that Coffee Date is because I have so much rage I have to censor and the post is right now 6 pages long and it’s too much. I am just all over the place when it comes to this topic.

As you can see, ranting too much in my posts is kind of my thing. The only thing short about me is my height and my poetry. I was actually thinking of posting shorter, concise posts here and maybe making videos on Patreon for those who want to listen to me talk.  BTW, if you would be interested in this, let me know in the comments.

And I also have to come up with Youtube video ideas. If you have suggestions, use the comment section to let me know. I am also working on a poem. I am being very productive when it comes to my content creating and it makes me happy.

I am going to stop talking now and hit the shower. It is uncomfortably hot in Croatia. The type of hot when you are just doing nothing and you can feel sweat running down your back. That type of uncomfortably hot.

I am really gone now.

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Coffee Date with Luna: Inspiration in pain

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

Usually I intended for Coffee dates to be published each Saturday but here we are.

Yesterday I went to bed a bit early because I wanted to wake up early today but that didn’t work and I ended up spending a few hours overthinking and my thoughts came to my blog and my writing.

If you follow me, you know I haven’t been posting a lot of my original poetry lately and the reason for that is that right now I am very happy in my life. I have already noticed before that I have writer’s block when I am happy. Poetry and writing in general had always been an outlet for me, a way to let go of bad emotions and terrible experiences. When I come to periods such as this one when I am happy, I have things going well for me, that creative part of me just become blocked.

Do you experience this?

I know everyone has their way of writing but I got to thinking if this is toxic for me in a way. Would I ever sabotage myself and my happiness in order to write something? And yes, my brain likes to go to extremes when I am overthinking alone at night but this question has really been bothering me. How far would I be ready to go to break this writer’s block and can I unintentionally invite unhappiness and pain to my life just to find inspiration to write?

My mind was spinning a lot last night and I thought it would be best to read more and get in touch with art and poetry again to find a new source of inspiration. Do you have any good book recommendations to get me through this period?

Writing is something that has been with me through life, I have created my blog around it and I have connected with all of you thanks to poetry and I would hate to have to pick between my writing inspiration and my happiness.

Even though I am very happy currently, this part of me is missing and I think I would experience my feelings of joy more intense if I were able to write about them but I fail every time.

Tell me what you think about this, have you experienced this or any other type of writer’s block. Also, is there any subject you would like us to discuss in our Coffee Dates?

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

Guest Post Information

This blog is expanding really fast, new followers are coming on board every single day and I’m thrilled! Our little community is not that little anymore!

Since new bloggers who join us have questions about guest posts and don’t feel like digging through the blog to find all of the previous posts here are the two ways you can guest post on Luna. I will probably repeat this post after every 200-400 new followers just to keep everyone up to speed.

So our beloved POETRY BAR – here you send your poetry works to poetrybar1@gmail.com together with a few words about yourself and a link to your blog and an Instagram account if you have one since The Poetry Bar does and we post your works there also. Check it out here:  https://www.instagram.com/the.poetrybar/

Our second guest post category is #savingme project – here you can share your stories about any type of abuse you’ve experienced. The email is savingmestory@gmail.com. The project was made to let abuse victims know they are not alone. If you don’t want to share your whole story, you can share how you got out, some advice to people going through this hell currently. It’s a safe place and your story can be published completely anonymously. Also, you can see that I post about my own experience with domestic abuse and not only my story but my thoughts, mechanisms that helped me overcome it etc.

Can’t wait to see what you send!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Coffee Date With Luna: Body Insecurities

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna! 

I am keeping the theme consistent with the last one and the theme is insecurities. In the last Coffee Date with Luna I decided to open up a bit about my skin and hair insecurities because insecurities are something many of us struggle with.  

One of the top insecurities people face with is linked to their body weight and body shape. We are terrorized by unrealistic beauty standards and it is in the human nature (unfortunately) to compare ourselves to those images, especially in the social media era.   

I am not a doctor, psychologist or any type of expert in the field so I will not be touching the subject of anorexia, mental health issues and obesity since I do not think other than experts should comment on this because people spread a lot of false information and negativity when they talk about things they are not educated on. 

I actually want to talk about my own insecurities about my body, weight, body shape. I struggled with it a lot. I was never overweight and, to be honest, I was underweight as a child because I had some eating issues which followed me up to puberty where I started gaining weight and my body got a certain shape. 

The thing that helped me through these insecurities was – love. It became my answer to everything and in this story it has two sides. 

With extra pounds, my insecurities started to pile on while I was in high school. I would often feel bad about not being thin, I would go on extreme diets and workout plans and developed a binge eating problem. I started to read a lot of books during high school, some of them were self help books, and without noticing the image I had about myself started to change when I got in touch with the concept of self-love. To be honest, I am still getting in touch with this concept every single day of my life. I am still struggling but I came to a point where I would never deprive my body of food or put myself on extreme workout plans I was too weak or unskilled to follow. Working out is great but going to an extreme can cause serious injuries, I should now.  

Self-love isn’t something you wake up with or can keep without making an effort. Self-love is about creating a relationship with yourself and we all know that relationships can be hard. You will have to work on it every single day. Self-love, bodywise, means choosing a healthy lifestyle instead of an extreme diet. It means loving yourself enough to feed your body with good food while not depriving it of some sweet cravings every now and then. You can work out to get abs while loving the chubby stomach you have now. This is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight.  

When you try to change your body while being fueled with hate or insecurities regarding your appearance, it will backfire on your mental health.  

As I got older, I actually became conscious of my body image issues when I started getting into my first serious relationships. My body insecurities messed with my mind and it affected my relationships because I was not comfortable with the idea of someone’s hands on me. That insecurity was not only toxic to me, but to the person I was with as well. During that time, I had accepted my body shape and implemented self-love into my life but I was just starting to realize that it wasn’t the reflection in the mirror I only had a problem with. My insecure mind created this image of how a person, in this case a boyfriend, will see me and my body and it scared me because that image was not very nice in my head.  

This is where the other side of love came to my rescue. A person I wrote many poems about, realized I would become very distant and would “wiggle” out of his hands very fast even when he wanted to only hug me. He actually realized my insecurities, and I will get really real with you now, when he noticed I would get anxious when my bra would be off. I was also insecure about being as flat as a board while everything else about me was chubby and round. I did not enjoy him putting his hand around me because I didn’t want him to feel I don’t have a flat stomach. He would sometimes lift me up while hugging me and I hated it because I thought I was too heavy for him to hold in the air. He felt those insecurities. 

He actually taught me that love will not see that what I see in the mirror. It took some time but he showed to me that love doesn’t judge and doesn’t walk around ready to measure me. Being with the wrong person, a person who judges you and tries to aggressively change you, will only feed into your insecurities. This is a good way of knowing is your relationship toxic or not. I think it is good, actually necessary, for the person who loves you to warn you about unhealthy habits etc., but actually criticizing someone and making them feel bad about themselves is toxic.  

To quote him: To my eyes you are perfect because I see more than your looks. I love every inch of you and that includes more than just skin and a body.  

At the end of the day, love is the answer to everything including our insecurities. You need to learn to love yourself and let others love you as well. Don’t tell yourself that no one will love you the way you are because there’s someone better. To the right person you are the best and you have to be the best for yourself.  

It’s all about love. 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

 

Coffee Date with Luna: Embrace your insecurities

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna! 

Today I would like to talk about insecurities, especially related to looks, because I have some and so do you. I honestly do not wish this episode of Coffee Date to be labeled as a girly episode because I think it’s discriminatory and feeds into the “macho man” narrative where men cannot have insecurities and talk openly about them because they have to “man up”. If you believe any of that stereotype nonsense, this is not the blog for you.  

Mostly, when someone brings up insecurities people first think about a few pounds they would like to lose. I had insecurities tied to my weight and body shape for a long time and it took a lot of work to get rid of them completely. I can say that today, with my 23 years, I feel very comfortable with my few extra pounds, not so defined curves and over all I just feel very comfortable in my body. If you’d like me to do a separate post about body insecurities and how I coped with them, do tell me in the comments. 

My biggest insecurities begin from the shoulders up – my face and my hair. When I say my face, I am not saying I think I am ugly. I am actually referring to my skin and my acne problem. It all started a few years back while I was at university. I have problems with my thyroid and the issues escalated one summer to the points where I started taking medication for it. My hormones were all over the place. This caused the outbreak of hormonal acne and I lost more that 20% of my hair.  

I used to have volume in my hair and it was slightly wavy because I actually had curly hair as a little girl. In one summer I lost all of that. My hair became lifeless, flat and it gets greasy in a matter of hours after washing. When I would dry it and run my hand through it, I would end up with a fistful of hair. I actually cried a few times while drying my hair because it was just hard to watch my hair fall out so aggressively. Doctors weren’t helping at all.  

And then the acne came. Doctors weren’t helping at all still. I understand it’s hard to fight such issues but I felt so awful and angry at my doctors. I gave up makeup for a solid year and a half. To this day I still refuse to wear makeup on a daily basis and put it on only for special purposes or nights out and that is hard. These acnes break out on my chin mostly, they are very red or white and my face gets very red and has that greasy shine. It is not comfortable to walk around like that especially not in a world that glorifies perfection and we live under the false social media standard of beauty. They are not around all the time, that’s the thing with hormonal acne – they break out during different parts of the month. It is a very disgusting feeling to wake up in the morning with a painful face. These acne actually hurt.  

Some of you follow me on Instagram @luna.theblog and are probably thinking that I am making this up. I am not, but on my IG pics I am mostly wearing makeup and you can’t really see my face. There are some pics, better said selfies, where if you zoom in you can see the imperfections under my foundation. My insecurities are very much visible in the fact that I never posted a makeup-less picture to my social media. That’s how much I do not like looking at my face skin. I do not photoshop my photos but I do wear makeup while taking them.  

I was told many times that I am so confident because I don’t put makeup on when going to work or grabbing a cup of coffee with friends etc. I am not confident but I do not speak loudly about it because I am scared of people then paying too much attention to my face skin. The rational part of my brain know that this wouldn’t happen. People are not standing around me judging my lifeless hair and hormonal acne and the rational part of me knows this but this is the thing about insecurities. They mess with the rational part of our brain.  

This is why you need to talk about them at least with yourself or on a blog like, well, me. Rationalize with yourself and do what’s best for you. I don’t wear makeup because it makes my skin worse and it took a lot of rationalizing to come to the point where I feel comfortable being makeup free on the daily. You have to learn how to put your own well-being ahead of people’s opinion and that voice that whispers in your ear. Giving up and giving in to your insecurities can harm your mental health and you could literally harm yourself because mostly our insecurities are about our body and the way we look. If you feed into your insecurities you will consider yourself not good enough, not lovable and people and companies who know how to manipulate your insecurities to their advantage will use them against you. I feel like I am building a conspiracy theory, but I believe you know what I am talking about. Expensive beauty procedures, strict diets, depression… The list goes on and it’s terrifyingly long (like this post) 

If you are insecure about your body or something else, it’s okay to try and change it but don’t forget to love it in the process. You can accept and love yourself while trying to change yourself.  

I could literally write on and on about this issue but I think it’s time to stop. If you would like to read more about this topic, just leave it in the comments below and also feel free to share your ideas for other Coffee Date posts. Don’t forget to let me know in the comments what do you think about this post, how do you handle your insecurities and how have you been lately. 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

Guest Post information

This blog is expanding really fast, new followers are coming on board every single day and I’m thrilled! Our little community is not that little anymore! I went back to posting much more of my work to the blog because I had this period where I personally didn’t post that much and now it’s time for your lovely submissions to come in!

Since new bloggers who join us have questions about guest posts and don’t feel like digging through the blog to find all of the previous posts here are the three ways you can guest post on Luna. I will probably repeat this post after every 200-400 new followers just to keep everyone up to speed.

So our beloved POETRY BAR – here you send your poetry works to poetrybar1@gmail.com together with a few words about yourself and a link to your blog and an Instagram account if you have one since The Poetry Bar does and we post your works there also. Check it out here:  https://www.instagram.com/the.poetrybar/

Our second guest post category is #savingme project – here you can share your stories about any type of abuse you’ve experienced. The email is savingmestory@gmail.com. The project was made to let abuse victims know they are not alone. If you don’t want to share your whole story, you can share how you got out, some advice to people going through this hell currently. It’s a safe place and your story can be published completely anonymously. Also, you can see that I post about my own experience with domestic abuse and not only my story but my thoughts, mechanisms that helped me overcome it etc.

Can’t wait to see what you send!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Poem #308

Work, study, just do something for what
society claims will lead you to a better life.
In the end she’ll be the same as all of them.
In the end, no matter how good she is, she’ll
keep standing in the same spot unless she has
a string to pull or some money that’ll get her by.

On the outside she looks nice and put together.
Drew that smile on her face and made
them think she’s got a hold of things.
She doesn’t show any weakness because she
knows it will lead to her destruction. She learns
what is there to learn and never shows incompetence.

The life she wants is written in her blood system.
She knows she has what it takes to win but it’s so
hard to stand out sometimes, it’s so hard for her
to pull herself together when she just wants to fall apart.
Tired and exhausted are the definitions of her physical state,
torn apart and insanity is what’s going on in her head.

But in the nights she shuts the lights
off and looks at herself from another light.
She lights the fire and inhales the life
in which everything is alright.

She is shined upon a light that leads
her to the life she always lived but never had.
A life that exists only in her dreams
where she’s safe and sound.

Go on girl, a new day is coming, you should
get prepared. Blow the roof of this place and
show them you are better than you were yesterday.
Just fake some strength and try your best to believe that
somewhere out there your life awaits.

#savingme – Poem #263

You. You with your bottle and words
sharp like broken glass on the floor
from the glass you threw at me. You.
You with your addiction always thinking
about yourself. I might be your daughter
but the blood in my veins is thinner than water.
Trust me, I wish I could change that red
poison which binds me to you, maybe then
this wound would hurt less.

Did you feel like you had control in your miserable
life every time you would come home drunk
and beat the shit out of me, my mother and my sister?
Did it make you feel good or worthy? Did it mean anything?
Did you ever regret it?

Million questions I’ll never get an answer to because
to this day you deny ever being an abusive monster.
You can deny it but it doesn’t change the fact that
there is a special place in hell reserved for the people
who try to put out the light they brought to the world.

And you still think you’re a king. Well, dear father, kings
protect their heirs and you tried to put yours into the ground.
Kings leave a legacy for their kids and you just took and
broke everything. Left me with nightmares and scars
that still bleed every once in a while.

Poem #262

You lost the right to miss me.
You lost the right to call my name
in your sleep or to tuck yourself in
with the memory of my body next to yours.
You lost the right to remember what’s it
like to hug me, kiss me, feel me, have me.
You never actually did have me. You had
something you wanted to have, you didn’t see
me and you didn’t know nothing but my name

You lost the right to come back into my life
to disrupt the months of progress it took to clear
my life of your memory, to stop the grieving.
I had to grow new skin, rip out the hair you played with,
fix the heart you played with, mend the glass shattered
soul you left behind and I did it by my damn self so NO
you can’t walk through that door.
You lost the right to ever call me yours.
You gave up.
You left.
You lost.

You lost the right to tell anyone about me.
You lost the right to feel good because we were once a thing.
You lost the right to look at the pictures we took.
You lost the right to feel my scent in the shirt I left.
For as much as I care, you lost the right to live.

Changing the blog

Hello everyone!

I wish a happy holiday to everyone, I hope you are having a wonderful time. I know I already feel fat with all of the food my mother has been preparing lately. Also, I finally have days off work so I can be at home, with my family, rest and dedicate my time to my blog.

This last part is what I actually want to speak to you about. At the end of each year my brain, without my complete consent, starts to compare my life a year ago to my life today and I realized that my months of dedicating to much of my time and energy to my jobs and going through writer’s block has resulted in ny blog engagement and quality to decrease. The quality decrease is not referring to The Poetry Bar submissions, they are actually what keeps our community going, but the content I have been uploading is not what it was before and I feel very bad and guilty about it.

I am growing up, I do not have as much time as I had during my uni days but still this is not an excuse. I had big plans for this blog and for us as a community, I wanted us to expand and I neglected this blog because I was chasing paychecks and stressing about my jobs even when I had days off.

To sum this up, I decided to GET MI SHIT TOGETHER! Any time you feel like I am absent or that I am neglecting you, call me out on that. Write down in the comments that I am being a bad blogger again, keep me accountable for my actions.

I decided to change the blog a bit when it comes to my personal posts. I will still be posting my poetry work because poetry is life, but I will also dedicate more posts to my love for dressing up which you could have noticed on Instagram where I post my poetry works typed on my typewriter Olivia and my outfits. I am no fashion blogger but I do like dressing up because as much as I express myself through poetry I express myself through clothes and the way I look. The instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/luna.theblog/

Also, I thought of starting a little column type of thing. Before I would upload these longer posts on Saturdays where I would ramble on about stuff I thought about and wanted to share with you. Yesterday while reviewing my blog I came up with the idea to make a series called Coffee date with Luna. Here I would resuscitate those columns of mine and discuss different topics from what happens in my life to whatever you would like to read about and we would have discussions in the comment section because  I love it when you leave comments and talk to each other. I even thought of filming videos and posting them for the Coffee Date but I am not making this promise yet. I will still stick to my keyboard and not to a camera. Make sure to write down in the comments what you think about this idea and what would you like to read about during out Coffee dates!

I have seriously been rambling on in this post. Anyway, this is all I had to say blog wise for the upcoming year. Whenever I will be changing something, I will let you know. Can’t wait to see your comments!

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna