Poem #168

I’ve kept all of this bottled up inside
for so long that it just can’t all come
out of my mouth or through writing.
It started crawling out of me through
the hole you left in my chest and it burns
even more than your betrayal did.

Poem #167

The world was falling apart and she kept a smile
until at night she heard the howl of the wolves
calling for her, making her blood to boil,
making her step outside.

As her body carefully hit the grass the rain started
pouring down on her and she felt like the earth
was giving her comfort and a place to rest.
A light appeared in her sky, the meteors started piercing the night

She was just lying under the meteor shower while
the roses were crying raindrops and she whispered
to herself: “How long can I live a lie?” She was lying
on the ground when the meteors started coming down.

Everything caught fire as she ripped pieces of paper
throwing them to the side. Every verse and every line
seemed to get her to a breaking point instead of
getting her up from the ground.

The wolves howled louder and stronger than before
just to let her know that if she runs away on all fours,
she won’t be alone. She knew she would never be tamed
because the wild instincts only grew stronger in her veins.

The fire was destroying the nature but the moon was in the
sky safe and sound ruling over the newborn wolf of the night,
giving her his name and making her one of a kind. The fire was
getting stronger but it was never as strong as the one in her eyes.

Her mouth opened and she howled.

Poem #162

All that you thought you wanted turned
out to be the exact opposite but you got
so used to not listening to your heart that you
are scared to let go
of the misery called “This is what I should do”
And what do you want to do? What do you desire?
Can you even still feel the beating in your chest?

Poem #159

I had doubts from the beginning
and I guess I should have listened
to that voice in my head saying: ‘’slow
down girl, it’s going so fast’’.

Not really sure what was I looking for,
maybe some love and affection. I knocked
on the wrong door and entered a chamber
of regret that has no exit sign.

I’m just sitting here, wondering where I
went wrong. Maybe I should have been
more careful and listen to my inner voice.

I feel weak and I need manna to fall from the
sky because I doubt I’m capable of even fighting
for my breath right now.

This chamber of regret has a sweet taste to it.
I think I’ll just sit here some more and contemplate
about my deed. No rage, no sadness – just thinking.

Will it give me strength to pull myself out of this strange
place? I don’t know, but right now I got used to the silence
and it doesn’t torment me like it did before.

I’ve made so many mistakes and I know I should
make it right but I have no strength to change.
This chamber of regrets became my safe place.

Poem #158

When my memories press me
against that wall, I’d like to run away.
I’d like to break free and turn back the time.

When my past starts defining who I’ll be
I’d like to change everything but I can’t turn
the time back.

I can’t turn it back, I’ll never turn it back.

When they drown my voice and my thoughts
can’t reach the surface I regret not speaking
my mind in the past but now I can’t turn the time back.

When I’m running out of air and fading away, when
the last strike gets me on my knees I remember
everything I can’t do right now because I can’t
turn the time back.

I can’t turn it back, I’ll never turn it back.

When in those moments of darkness my mouth
disconnects from my brain my words start to hurt
They make scars and I can’t take them back, the
damage is done.

When my rebellion gets its revenge upon me it
brings me to the ground and even if I manage
to stand up again I fall because I can’t turn the time back.

I can’t turn it back, I’ll never turn it back.

Poem #157

I could paint a perfect picture
of this ceiling I’ve been staring at
for hours. The lines, the imperfections,
the spider building a web in the corner.
Even the spider is building something and I’m
just stuck here with my empty head and
hollow heart.

It’s hard to have a vision for the future
when you don’t know where your present is headed.
It’s hard to fade in your early years, watching
your dreams getting further away with every step you
take thinking you’re making them reality.

From one crisis to the next, from one cigarette
to a whole pack, from one glass to a bottle,
from one day to another. Baby steps turning into
abrupt halts. Youth turning into ashes.

I want to take my little black dress for a night out.
I want to move to the sound of music.
I want to see those far away cities, go from one
plane to the next destination. I want to touch the
ocean and see the earth from above. I want to
feel the sand underneath my feet while sipping a
cocktail on a sunny beach but I’m here getting familiar
with the ceiling.

The earthquake beating in my chest
is an endless hallway and behind each door
is a story to be told with an unhappy ending.
Yes, an earthquake in my chest, because my heart
is miles away from me. I sold it for a ruined
fantasy but at least I gave it away. Thought it
would be easier.

It’s hard to put my feet on the ground each day
knowing they will take me on a quest of
imposed society rules while my soul is craving
something real, something alive, something different.

That thing, that happiness everyone talk about – where
is it hiding. How many miles, how many doors, how many
breakdowns and sleepless night away is it. It’s hard to be
young and so old. Full of energy and so tired. So alive and so dead.

Poem #144

I thought that getting over you included
ending up in someone else’s arms in the end.
It happened and now I realized that no one
will feel the way you felt, touch the way you
touched. And I don’t know if that is good or bad.