Meditation

Meditation

In my latest post Self-doubt and lack of motivation I decided to be open and honest about some problems I’ve been experiencing lately. I decided to face my problems and resolve them as soon as possible because I just can’t stand being like this anymore.

About a year ago when I went through some difficult times I read a book which definitely changed my perspective of life and encouraged me to change my ways. That beloved book is called The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani. I recommend this book to everyone who wants to change the way they think, their perspective of themselves and the world around them and learn some tricks to reach their full potential.

I came back to that book again but this time it didn’t have the same effect on me but there is something I learned in that book and it’s the importance of meditation. A year ago I was starting to meditate and I was just learning about it for a few months and I remember feeling amazing during that period so I decided to go back to it.

I used Vishen’s guided 6-steps meditation which I find great but also there is another guided meditation that just gets me inspired and puts me in a good mood. The meditation is from a meditation app called Insight Timer (no, this is not an ad) and the meditation is called Connect to Intuition.

This was my first step to getting myself out of my dark place. I’ve started meditating again and it’s been a bit hard because I wasn’t able to focus as well as before but with time and practice I believe I will get good at it again. It does feel great to feel like I’m doing something good for myself though.

I felt very stressed today because I had an exam and when I was walking home from the university it started raining and I didn’t have an umbrella. I was furious at the weather, the sky and everything but a long hot shower, cup of tea and good music made sure my mood was elevated.

Now I need to get started on my assignments so this is all from me today. I honestly hope you like these kind of posts and if you would like to see something different make sure to let me know in the comments below.

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Self-doubt and lack of motivation

Self-doubt and lack of motivation

As you maybe have noticed from the latest posts I’m not feeling so cheerful and happy. I’ve been actually feeling awful the past few weeks. We all have some periods in which we don’t feel confident and we doubt ourselves so I just decided to gather enough courage to actually write about it.

I have been suffocating in work and studying for the last few months and I experienced some emotional hardship in my private life. All of this really wore me out and the problem is I can’t take a breather, you know, take some time for myself to relax because I live a life in which I can’t stop. I don’t know if you can relate to this. I don’t have a very good financial situation so I have to work and that’s hard for me because I have to attend almost all my lectures. Just to explain a little bit, if I miss too many lectures of a certain class I lose the possibility to take the exam at the end of that class which obligates me to pay to listen to that class again and prolongs my studies for another year which I can’t afford. So, there are no breaks for me and I feel like no matter how much I work that it’s never enough and that I’m stuck in one place, not making any progress at all.

I am always extremely nervous and think I forgot something. Even when I’m resting for an hour before going to bed or after lunch I feel like I should be doing something, like I don’t deserve to just relax, have a cup of tea in silence, watch a TV show or something like that. Besides this, I’ve been having extreme doubts about the career I’ve chosen. I’m studying languages, Spanish and Italian, and no matter how much I enjoy this I can’t help myself but wonder if this is the right way to learn them. I’m really trying to stay positive and grateful that I have the opportunity to study what I love, but I’m so suffocated by the things I have to go through to get my diploma that I started doubting what I love and I started to hate it in a way. I can’t really explain this well. My exams are starting in two weeks and I just can’t find an ounce of strength or motivation to start preparing for them.

All of these problems in my let’s call it professional life combined with some problems and losses I’ve experienced in my personal life are punching me in the face every day for the last few weeks. I’ve entered a state of constant tiredness and, what’s worst of all, numbness. What’s very scary for me is that this state of mind reflected on my health. Things just don’t make me happy like they used to and I don’t really feel motivated. I reread some of my old poems, like for example Fight, and I just got to thinking where did my motivation go and I got scared that I won’t be able to get out of this dark place.

So, this is pretty much what’s been going on lately and I hope I wasn’t too boring in this post. If you can relate or are experiencing something similar I would be very happy if you would contact me on my e-mail luna.theblog@gmail.com or DM me on my Instagram so that we could maybe share our experiences and be each other’s support. I know that I will do my best to gather courage to get out of this mess and I will definitely update you on my progress. If you have any advice or just want to share something, leave me a comment below.

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It’s like…

It’s like…

They all create noises all the time
but they don’t say much. Convinced
they know what I need and what is
best for me. Trying to make me believe
I’m making a big deal out of everything.

I’m just stuck between extreme happiness
and utterly painful sadness. Don’t know what
this thing is. It’s mixing itself in my blood, getting itself
to my brain and then controlling my mouth and
stopping me when I want to call for help.

It’s like they’ll laugh at me, it’s like they’ll
tell me it’s all in my head, it’s like they’ll talk
behind my back all over again, it’s like they won’t
understand again, it’s like they’ll make me feel worse,
it’s like they just won’t hear the words I want to say.

No matter how many times you push me
around you won’t take this power my hands
have when my brain tells them what to write.
I’ll never let you take that, it’s the only thing
I got. No, I won’t let you take writing out of my arms.

I’ll just sit in this cloud of smoke like I do every
month until I find the strength to smile and say
that everything is just fine. I’ll poison my blood
in hopes that the nicotine will poison what’s living inside.
A cigarette between my lips will keep my mouth shut.

It’s like they’ll laugh at me, it’s like they’ll
tell me it’s all in my head, it’s like they’ll talk
behind my back all over again, it’s like they won’t
understand again, it’s like they’ll make me feel worse,
it’s like they just won’t hear the words I want to say.

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Expectations

Expectations

Expectations. That is a beautiful word that causes so much misery and leads to disappointment every damn time.

You can’t say it isn’t true. We constantly expect things and then get disappointed. We always expect for someone to call, care, do nice things for us and so on, and then we are just left disappointed when we realize that no one is doing anything for us.

Furthermore, mostly people get disappointed because they do various things to make some person happy, and then they wind up alone when they need help. I’m writing this because I’ve been going through something similar now but I won’t describe the situation since I don’t like to include people from my life into my blog so I’m just going to write down what I concluded out of this awful situation of mine.

Firstly, if you’re going to do anything to help someone just don’t expect they’ll do the same for you because most of the time they won’t. It’s sad but it’s true. Some people are just takers and they have no shame in life or the need to show any kind of gratitude towards the people who help them. You need to learn how to recognize those people and learn how to say NO! It’s a lovely word that many of us don’t want to say because we want to avoid confrontations or we don’t want to come off as rude people.

It’s bullshit! Stop making yourself miserable just so others would have a good opinion about you. If you want to do something say yes, but if you don’t then say no. It’s as simple as that. What is the use of making others comfortable and making their lives easier if you are miserable? For some people maybe it’s worth putting up with everything, but some of them just need to go back to their mothers so they could reeducate them because they are rude, disrespectful and ungrateful bastards.

My next conclusion is something I forget about often. You’re alone. No matter how many people you have around you, at the end of the day you’re all you’ve got so you should invest in yourself, work for yourself and depend on yourself and not waste your time on making others happy. This doesn’t mean you should turn your back on the world, this just means that you should be your plan A and plan B. Don’t sit around waiting for people to do something for you because most of the time they won’t, but it doesn’t matter because you are capable enough to take care of yourself. I know that the word alone causes a lot of fear but sometimes it can be positive.

Sometimes you need to go through the toughest time alone to stand on the top and realize how much you are capable of accomplishing with your own two hands. It’s an incredible power that makes you go further and gives you strength to just work your ass off. The day you learn to stand alone will be the day you become invincible.

Hug your friends, love your family, have fun, meet new people, but don’t make any expectations. Don’t get your hopes up and learn to stand alone.

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