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#savingme

#savingme: Give Women Their RAGE Back!

Throughout my existence on this platform, I have often put up post such as “leave something positive that happened to you so we can share some good vibes”. I put up many posts like this in 2020 because this year was the year we all needed to remind ourselves of things we are grateful for because all of us have struggled with our own demons and problems in this pandemic. So I had to write this down because I didn’t want you to think I have anything against positivity and looking for reasons to smile. With that being said, let’s get into what I really wanted to discuss here.

I don’t post a lot on #savingme because it gets hard. I no longer live in domestic violence, but talking about it, opening some wounds is still painful and the fact that my brain just decided not to remember a lot of my childhood to protect me (I guess) doesn’t make this easier. I think I have repressed memory, but I am not doctor. Maybe my memory just sucks but I believe that my brain is trying to protect me from those hurtful memories.

Now, let me ask you a question. Why do you expect women to be happy and smiling all the fucking time?!

I am not attacking you directly because I don’t know you but if you ever used the phrase “You are so much prettier when you smile, you should smile more often etc.” I am kind of attacking you. If you ever placed a woman in a situation where she was forced or bullied into smiling and pretending everything is okay, I am kind of attacking you. To try to explain this better to the male audience that might not understand this so much – forcing women to be composed, happy and pretend like everything is perfect all the time is equal to the idea of the “masculine man” being imposed on men where you are expected to be a stereotypical man who should know how to do stuff, lift things, not have feelings or cry ever. You know what I am talking about “the manly man”. Since I am not a man and do not have experience with this, I would like to point out a poem that sums this up nicely: Guante – “Ten Responses to the Phrase ‘Man Up'”

Why am I writing about this and linking it to domestic violence and abuse? Let me explain that. Women, and I have seen this on my mother, feel the shame when they go through domestic violence. What will the people say if I call the cops? I am a bad mother because this man is beating my kids. It falls upon me to carry the burden of this domestic violence/abuse without realizing I am the victim. The same thing happens with rape. The victim is shamed into silence and the “women have to be happy” feeds into this fucking problem.

We are expected to play a part in the world and a great part of that role is covering shit up and being happy all the time, giving out this impression of having our life together, having the perfect family, being good cooks, caring for kids and expected to want to be mothers, if I might add (I could write a whole new post about this topic). When we get angry, when we voice our discomfort or just our opinion that doesn’t sit right with other people then we are PMS-ing. “It’s that time of the month”. “Our hormones are doing the talking”. “We will calm down once our period is done”. Stop bullying women into thinking they are crazy when they are unhappy! Stop bullying women into not seeking help when they are abused.

When shit hits the fan, when the cops are on the doorstep, when women walk around with a black eye, when someone is DEAD, when a woman kills herself because she was raped, then we hear the phrase: “We didn’t even suspect something was wrong, she always seemed so happy”. How many times have you heard this from someone or on TV? How many fucking times have you heard this phrase or a variation of this phrase? Why do we need to have women mentally and physically scarred for life or a dead body to realize that there’s something wrong?

When a woman says no, when she pushes you away, when she tells you to stop, when she calls the cops on you and accuses you of abuse, she is not making stuff up and being crazy. She is uncomfortable and scared and this is not the time for women to think they should go easy, not raise their voice or say NO with an uncomfortable, fake smile. You have the right to get angry when someone is invading your personal space and abusing you. You have the right to fight back and seek help. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

This is why I say GIVE WOMEN THEIR RAGE BACK. Give us our anger back and watch us evolve even if it scares some. Just that freedom of being able to experience emotions that society tried to tell us we are not entitled to, will give us also the freedom to speak up about abuse and to fight the oppression.

For anyone dismissing all of this TRUTH that I just wrote as a “feminist rant that makes no sense” and if anyone envisioned me as a man-hating, no-shaving angry female that is fighting a fight that doesn’t exist anymore because “we gave women rights” let me just tell you that 1992. was called the year of the women the same way that 2018. was called the year of the women and despite all of this we are still fighting the same bullshit, the same sexual harassment, women are still fighting harder than men to get into high positions and the same people are still trying to silence us and bully us into submission. Google your facts before you call women angry feminists and trust me that we will write, yell, protest and fight as long as we have to until every woman and every little girl stops being silent about oppression and abuse because “that was the way it has always been and if you speak up, we will shame you into believing it was your fault. now SMILEEEEEE”.

This is not to say that women are never the abusers, but I can only speak from my perspective. I know there are men and boys abused by their mother and/or father or any other person who are scared to speak up because of the “manly man stereotype” or because they go through the same fear and shame mentioned before. I think that abused men and boys are an issue society has to dive into thoroughly  because we cannot pretend that it is not happening and telling men to “Man up”. There are stories to be heard from their side and I hope they will speak up as well.  If you want to share your experience you can on this platform and you can stay anonymous if it makes you feel safer and better.

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#savingme is the community where abuse victims can publish their experiences just to let go and find comfort and support. Maybe it doesn’t feel like much but just publishing your story for others to read makes you strong. You can send your story about the abuse you went through to savingmestory@gmail.com and you can choose if you want it to be anonymous or not.

Latest Poem: Poem #345
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Latest Coffee Date: Flowers in the Garden 

Categories
Poems

Poem #103

Women like her don’t fall.
They wear their pain with pride, like
bright colors to warn the enemy that
they have been through hell and made it
through.

Women like her can’t be defeated.
Defeat is a lesson and they accept it as well
as they accept a victory. Her level is
above and beyond. She is strong.
She is fierce. Don’t bother trying to
stop her because she knows where
she’s going.

Categories
Poems

Poem #36

Your lies caused a chain reaction of pain.
You cheated on her with me. Never told me there
was a her to cheat on. She was left crying alone.
I was made into the other women, you made me
feel filthy like I have betrayed one of my own.
Do you feel any kind of shame?
The stupid part of it all is you have a replacement
for the both of us and we are still thinking about
the moment everything went south.

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Uncategorized

BAD FEMALE

Again, shamelessly commercializing my little article on Ebay about females and the ways I “fail” at being one.

Don’t let Judgmental Judy tell you that you should know how to do something just because you are a woman. You can do whatever you want and also you don’t have to do whatever it is that you don’t want to do! If you enjoy having take-out and eating out, then do that. If you want to use your fridge as a storage unit for frozen meals and wine, do that! If you enjoy spending hours in the kitchen preparing meals and inventing new recipes, do that (and also send me some food since I don’t know how to prepare it). Don’t let them tell you that you suck at being a female just because you don’t have a certain skill Judgmental Judy thinks you should have…

Link to the article  BAD FEMALE, GO TO YOUR ROOM (and escape through the damn window): https://www.ebay.com/itm/352457536757

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Coffee Date

BAD FEMALE, GO TO YOUR ROOM (and escape through the damn window)

Women are so bombarded by standards about their looks, career, obligations, purpose, relationships that most of us feel as if we were inadequate for our role of being a woman. Actually we are made to believe there is actually a role to be played and this isn’t only true for women. Men go through the same thing but since I was born with a vagina, I will speak from my perspective.

***

Here I will list things that according to the standards make me bad and inadequate to be a female and to express people’s opinions I will use my trusty friend that I just made up called “Judgmental Judy”.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have never had a long lasting relationship. Most of my relationships end after three months and I absolutely suck at relationships. Judy thinks there’s something wrong with me because I can’t hold on to a relationship for long. She tried to find answers to the question what’s wrong with me in my horoscope and my parent’s failed marriage. Let me just bitch slap you Judy and explain something to other females who are similar to me. Don’t ever think you are missing out on something for choosing to be single.

***

I will stop here with this writing. Every female knows what this is like because we all have our own personal Judgmental Judy. I wrote an article under this name and listed it on ebay so you can jump over there and purchase it for only 1$. It’s short and cheap so I really hope you will give it a go and come back here and tell me in the comments if you agree with me!

Link to the article: https://www.ebay.com/itm/352457536757

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Categories
Coffee Date Poems

The Breaking Sound

A wide smile on every single picture, but when you see her in person you claim her bitch face brings an ice cold feeling to your bones. You say she has no feelings, you say there’s a hole in her chest but you don’t really care because that’s not the hole in her body you’re interested in. When you get to know her you find a little trace of light in her eyes and you drain it out until her pupils became night dark.

Every time you kissed her did you hear the breaking sound? Did you hear her reach into her velvet, red insides, breaking a part of her ribs to fill the hole someone left in you? Do ice cold women do that? Did you hear the breaking sound every time you made her believe in your point of view? The sound of her will breaking to fit within your rules, the sound of her bones breaking when she tried to make herself look smaller than you, the sound of her hips breaking every time you made her work on top, the sound of her lips breaking every time she had to fake it to build your ego up.

She lived believing you have four hands: two to keep on her throat suffocating her and two to keep over your ears so you wouldn’t hear the bones in her neck breaking. But here’s the thing about women like her. They get hurt but don’t show it. They run to a corner like a wounded wolf to lick their wounds and the taste of their own blood makes them realize they’ve had enough.

Here’s the thing about women like her who will build up people like you with parts of their own body. They will stick their hand into the ground, take the soil and fill the hole they’ve made on their body trying to fix you. She will disappear into thin air, fade away because for you she was never a person, she was an illusion, she was a low-budget romantic movie you wanted her to be. For you she wasn’t a person.

She will be stronger and you will still be running around, scared of loneliness, weak as a leaf underneath her heel, looking for spread legs to contain and hide your insecurities, you will still think people are your medicine.

The breaking sound is gone and so is she.

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Categories
Coffee Date

You can’t be owned

You are a woman. Put a smile on your face, be sweet and kind, show emotions and be a stereotype we need you to be or we will call you insane, we will call you coldhearted and we will make you believe that there is something wrong with you just because you refuse to fall in the line.

We created these standards for you as a woman to live by and we’ve sent him to make you believe you are something to be owned. He will try to brainwash you and rip out every limb of your free will. He will make you believe that the torture you are going through is a life you deserve, he will make you believe that you were born to walk behind him, he will make you believe that it’s necessary for you to live under his fist and he will hide his intentions with a few nice gestures made to make you feel like a queen without knowing that your kingdom is your very special circle of hell. And if you complain and if you try to get out you will be the woman who cried abuse, the woman who cried rape, the woman who just cried and they will make you remember that this is a man’s world.

He will make a shell out of you. He will make you believe the only thing you have to offer is your body and that the only worth you have is between your legs. He will beg you to get down on your knees for him just so that you would be beneath him and look at him as the king on a throne he believes himself to be. If you don’t bow down to his authority he will place your head up against a wall and press on your neck until you feel the air disappearing from your lungs and he will do it just so you would feel the pain he allegedly felt when he realized that he can’t own you. He will make you believe that the pain he’s putting you through is only there to punish you for not loving him, not satisfying his needs, not being the stereotype he wanted you to be. He will break your bones and your will just because he needs a puppet on a string which will dance around him so he wouldn’t feel alone.

When you show no weakness, when you put on a poker face, when you decide to protect your body and soul from hitting the ground and when you walk away he will make you believe that you have a stone instead of a heart just because you were unable to give him what he needs. He will tell you that you have no conscience and he will try to force a feeling of guilt on you just so he could make your mind weaker, put you in shackles and drag you wherever he wants as if you were a display piece.

No matter what he tells you or how much he hurts you just remember this: “Your mind belongs to you and so does your body. There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with him because he is in a fight which only exists in his head and he doesn’t understand he can’t get a revenge based on you not bowing down to his needs. He can pretend to be a king and he can pretend to be strong but he will never be as  strong as a woman that claimed ownership of her life when she was standing in front of a firing squad.”

Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made. Forgive him. Forgive all of them because you don’t need the poison of resentment and hatred in your soul. Let him fire all the shots at you because his ammo will disappear one day and he will be left with that voice in his head screaming: “There was no war to be fought! She is a human being, she is not a toy! The place in which her soul lies is a body, not a boxing bag! You were never her master, you were an oppressor!”

Who is he in reality? Your father, your husband or someone else?

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Categories
Coffee Date

Tinker Bells around the world

She wants it and she needs it. She craves for it. It’s the only thing on her mind. She just wants to feel it deep inside of her. She needs you to give it to her. Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about attention. She and all of the others like her only need attention, you know what I mean?

For the sake of keeping this post slightly more decent I will quote a picture I saw on instagram: “I identify with Tinker Bell because she needs attention or she dies and that’s pretty much me”.

I could slap this quote on so many girls’ foreheads just so that the people around them would know what they expect from them, and by people I mean men and lots of them. As I said for the sake of keeping this post slightly more decent I will address this group of attention seekers as Tinker Bells.

Well aren’t those Tinker Bells adorable? You know at least one of them. Her characteristics are that she laughs loudly to be noticed, will flirt with anyone just so that she would come off as desirable, she will pay more attention to her looks and the shortness of her skirt than on making a progress in life, she is the kind of girl who will get in bed with anyone just to get attention and recognition of her looks and, my honestly favorite characteristic – she has no shame, moral and will cross any line just to be surrounded by men. She pretty much needs to have a man strapped around every one of her fingers to validate her life. Pathetic, if you ask me.

Many women who comment on such behavior are being called bitter and jealous. We are not. We are ashamed of the previously mentioned behavior because it makes us all look desperate, in search of attention and just plain pathetic. It’s similar to women getting to high positions in their jobs because they sleep with someone. Some women do it so we all get accused of doing it. As a person that has done many stupid things in her life I can say that I partially understand such behavior but what I don’t understand is when will the Tinker Bells grow up and stop embarrassing all of us?

Snap the hell out of it because the longer you keep with this behavior the more your self-value diminishes. Have some class. When I say class I don’t refer to clothes, shoes, bags etc. I refer to something that can only be grown inside of you. Having class means knowing your worth, being aware of your flaws, having self-respect, not letting everyone have their way with you and fighting to become a better person every day. Those are things you can’t wear or buy. You need to develop them through hard work.

Tinker Bells, stop embarrassing yourself by needing attention to validate your life. Just stop. If you keep on thinking you need anyone to be someone, you will end up being no one.

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