Why Do I Do It?

Why do I do it?
I don’t know
There’s something comforting about
the pain reminding you, you can feel
Breaking the unbearable numbness
The all-consuming nothing that feels like
Everything
When your mind tells you, you are
Nothing
Who do you believe?
Yourself?
Or those who don’t really know you?
They will never know me
If they did, they would understand
They would see why I must go
That’s why I do it until the pain is too much
Because I deserve it

Blog: https://jenwrites.video.blog/2019/08/23/why-do-i-do-it/

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6 thoughts on “Why Do I Do It?

  1. I can’t endorse the idea of harming oneself in any way, shape, or form (and that is not to say that you did). The way hurt is expressed in this poem by viewing it from that mentality is effective and it captures the essence of that pain (or lack thereof). Very well written Jen.

    1. Thank you! Self harm is something I have struggled with in the past and I definitely reference it in this poem. However, I also tried to show how self harm comes in many forms, not just in the physical sense. Simply seeing yourself deserving of pain, especially emotional pain, is in itself self harming behaviour. Thank you for taking the time to comment!

      1. The “many forms” of self-harm you referred to is why I appreciated this piece so much. I hope you are doing better with it and struggle less with those thoughts. The world needs more artists who can aptly convey those common struggles so many face. I wish you all the best in your life and writings.

      2. I actually wrote a series of poems, including this one, while battling with these thoughts and found it to be a great way to work through them and process how I am feeling without taking it any further. I agree it is so important which is why I am in a place where I feel okay sharing such personal inner thoughts, in the hopes it might resonate with someone. Thank you for your words.

  2. This is such a powerful poem and definitely something with which I think many people can resonate. Very well done.

  3. Thank you so much McKenzi I appreciate it a lot.

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