Relapse

I try and try
I push and push through
Until I feel like I want to die
I cry and cry inside
All I want to do is come off these pills
They give me inner chills
I wean off
Get psychosis
Again and again
What am I to do?
Back to the start again
Don’t go back to those thoughts of the tracks of the train
I need help
If I was a dog I’d constantly yelp
Delirous
Hazy vision
Tunnel vision
Memory loss
Flickering eyelids
Confusion
I want to jump out of my skin
I can’t win
Lost in empty space
They make me feel a numbed drunkness
The doctor can’t help
Now I take saving my life into my own hands
I write in the sands
I start a fundraiser for getting me to a rehabilitation centre
I need proper help now
All I can do is keep going
All I can do is try
And if it doesn’t turn out
Then at least I can say I tried

Hi there, I am a young human named Amber from the UK discovering what it means to be human, my soul purpose and what we are doing here on planet gaia. I’m a writer, the people’s journalist, philosopher, African djembe drummer, gardener, plant lover, poet, musician, photographer, yogi, blogger, knowledge addict, researcher and student of the universe who is searching for truth and knowledge. I love to laugh and have deep, meaningful conversations.

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