It all started when we intersected paths in that town
Then it all came shattering down
I and we, I fucking drowned
A year of beauty and torturing pain
I’ve felt immensly insane
A paradox messing with my mind
I had to lie to protect myself
Don’t you see?
I’ve not been able to speak my truth
My soul stifled
How did it come to this?
I wish it could have been bliss
Now I am scared of you
On edge and shakey
My wings felt clipped
I feel like I’ve been mentally whipped
I’ve heard your cries time after time
How can I believe you anymore?
My love has been chipped away at
I tried my best
With my illnesses tagging along
I willingly go along again
To end up deflated
Here we are again
I can’t handle this pain
I can’t cope any more
How can we stitch this back up?
I retreat
Back to the countryside
Where I now reside
Alone in my bedroom
Night after night after night
Sinking into suicidal despair
Lurking around my head in it’s lair
Both lone and cold
How did it go so awry?
You could have had all of me
If you’d have been more kind
We could have made love
Tantric love, every night
I stll feel the impulses of the electrification of our bodies and souls
I miss your hand on my breast
I miss your naked body beside mine
And our grinding from behind
Now I am full of fright
You’ve had copious chances
I know my worth
I won’t let myself be treated poorly
I won’t let myself be mentally abused
All the good deeds are not to be used as a bypass
I won’t let another day go defeated
Yes you helped me in many ways
Two tattoos of you
Forever on my body
You are beautiful inside
Trauma and pain sometimes makes it hide
It is painful to see
Through our innate empathy
You cry and howl
I see the little boy inside
I see the little girl in me
Both adults, children within
Both abused and hurt
When we were once pure
Jekyll and hyde
Which one, please decide
Who are you?
I can’t see beyond the smoke and haze
How did I end up here again
Another deathly night in the same childhood room
Death is looming
I feel it zooming
In on my consciousness
Like a pouncing animal on it’s prey
I can’t bare to live another day.

Hi there, I am a soul from the UK discovering what it means to be human, my soul purpose and what we are doing here on planet gaia. I’m a writer, the people’s journalist, philosopher, African djembe drummer, artist, tattooer, reader, gardener, plant lover, poet, musician, photographer, yogi, blogger, knowledge addict, researcher and student of the universe who is searching for truth and knowledge. I love to laugh and have deep, meaningful conversations. I am here to serve. ~Diosraw


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2 thoughts on “Break-down

  1. This is very emotional and relatable. I teared up reading this. Great job.

    I wish you the best.

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