Coffee Date With Luna: Body Insecurities

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna! 

I am keeping the theme consistent with the last one and the theme is insecurities. In the last Coffee Date with Luna I decided to open up a bit about my skin and hair insecurities because insecurities are something many of us struggle with.  

One of the top insecurities people face with is linked to their body weight and body shape. We are terrorized by unrealistic beauty standards and it is in the human nature (unfortunately) to compare ourselves to those images, especially in the social media era.   

I am not a doctor, psychologist or any type of expert in the field so I will not be touching the subject of anorexia, mental health issues and obesity since I do not think other than experts should comment on this because people spread a lot of false information and negativity when they talk about things they are not educated on. 

I actually want to talk about my own insecurities about my body, weight, body shape. I struggled with it a lot. I was never overweight and, to be honest, I was underweight as a child because I had some eating issues which followed me up to puberty where I started gaining weight and my body got a certain shape. 

The thing that helped me through these insecurities was – love. It became my answer to everything and in this story it has two sides. 

With extra pounds, my insecurities started to pile on while I was in high school. I would often feel bad about not being thin, I would go on extreme diets and workout plans and developed a binge eating problem. I started to read a lot of books during high school, some of them were self help books, and without noticing the image I had about myself started to change when I got in touch with the concept of self-love. To be honest, I am still getting in touch with this concept every single day of my life. I am still struggling but I came to a point where I would never deprive my body of food or put myself on extreme workout plans I was too weak or unskilled to follow. Working out is great but going to an extreme can cause serious injuries, I should now.  

Self-love isn’t something you wake up with or can keep without making an effort. Self-love is about creating a relationship with yourself and we all know that relationships can be hard. You will have to work on it every single day. Self-love, bodywise, means choosing a healthy lifestyle instead of an extreme diet. It means loving yourself enough to feed your body with good food while not depriving it of some sweet cravings every now and then. You can work out to get abs while loving the chubby stomach you have now. This is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight.  

When you try to change your body while being fueled with hate or insecurities regarding your appearance, it will backfire on your mental health.  

As I got older, I actually became conscious of my body image issues when I started getting into my first serious relationships. My body insecurities messed with my mind and it affected my relationships because I was not comfortable with the idea of someone’s hands on me. That insecurity was not only toxic to me, but to the person I was with as well. During that time, I had accepted my body shape and implemented self-love into my life but I was just starting to realize that it wasn’t the reflection in the mirror I only had a problem with. My insecure mind created this image of how a person, in this case a boyfriend, will see me and my body and it scared me because that image was not very nice in my head.  

This is where the other side of love came to my rescue. A person I wrote many poems about, realized I would become very distant and would “wiggle” out of his hands very fast even when he wanted to only hug me. He actually realized my insecurities, and I will get really real with you now, when he noticed I would get anxious when my bra would be off. I was also insecure about being as flat as a board while everything else about me was chubby and round. I did not enjoy him putting his hand around me because I didn’t want him to feel I don’t have a flat stomach. He would sometimes lift me up while hugging me and I hated it because I thought I was too heavy for him to hold in the air. He felt those insecurities. 

He actually taught me that love will not see that what I see in the mirror. It took some time but he showed to me that love doesn’t judge and doesn’t walk around ready to measure me. Being with the wrong person, a person who judges you and tries to aggressively change you, will only feed into your insecurities. This is a good way of knowing is your relationship toxic or not. I think it is good, actually necessary, for the person who loves you to warn you about unhealthy habits etc., but actually criticizing someone and making them feel bad about themselves is toxic.  

To quote him: To my eyes you are perfect because I see more than your looks. I love every inch of you and that includes more than just skin and a body.  

At the end of the day, love is the answer to everything including our insecurities. You need to learn to love yourself and let others love you as well. Don’t tell yourself that no one will love you the way you are because there’s someone better. To the right person you are the best and you have to be the best for yourself.  

It’s all about love. 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

 

Coffee Date with Luna: Embrace your insecurities

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna! 

Today I would like to talk about insecurities, especially related to looks, because I have some and so do you. I honestly do not wish this episode of Coffee Date to be labeled as a girly episode because I think it’s discriminatory and feeds into the “macho man” narrative where men cannot have insecurities and talk openly about them because they have to “man up”. If you believe any of that stereotype nonsense, this is not the blog for you.  

Mostly, when someone brings up insecurities people first think about a few pounds they would like to lose. I had insecurities tied to my weight and body shape for a long time and it took a lot of work to get rid of them completely. I can say that today, with my 23 years, I feel very comfortable with my few extra pounds, not so defined curves and over all I just feel very comfortable in my body. If you’d like me to do a separate post about body insecurities and how I coped with them, do tell me in the comments. 

My biggest insecurities begin from the shoulders up – my face and my hair. When I say my face, I am not saying I think I am ugly. I am actually referring to my skin and my acne problem. It all started a few years back while I was at university. I have problems with my thyroid and the issues escalated one summer to the points where I started taking medication for it. My hormones were all over the place. This caused the outbreak of hormonal acne and I lost more that 20% of my hair.  

I used to have volume in my hair and it was slightly wavy because I actually had curly hair as a little girl. In one summer I lost all of that. My hair became lifeless, flat and it gets greasy in a matter of hours after washing. When I would dry it and run my hand through it, I would end up with a fistful of hair. I actually cried a few times while drying my hair because it was just hard to watch my hair fall out so aggressively. Doctors weren’t helping at all.  

And then the acne came. Doctors weren’t helping at all still. I understand it’s hard to fight such issues but I felt so awful and angry at my doctors. I gave up makeup for a solid year and a half. To this day I still refuse to wear makeup on a daily basis and put it on only for special purposes or nights out and that is hard. These acnes break out on my chin mostly, they are very red or white and my face gets very red and has that greasy shine. It is not comfortable to walk around like that especially not in a world that glorifies perfection and we live under the false social media standard of beauty. They are not around all the time, that’s the thing with hormonal acne – they break out during different parts of the month. It is a very disgusting feeling to wake up in the morning with a painful face. These acne actually hurt.  

Some of you follow me on Instagram @luna.theblog and are probably thinking that I am making this up. I am not, but on my IG pics I am mostly wearing makeup and you can’t really see my face. There are some pics, better said selfies, where if you zoom in you can see the imperfections under my foundation. My insecurities are very much visible in the fact that I never posted a makeup-less picture to my social media. That’s how much I do not like looking at my face skin. I do not photoshop my photos but I do wear makeup while taking them.  

I was told many times that I am so confident because I don’t put makeup on when going to work or grabbing a cup of coffee with friends etc. I am not confident but I do not speak loudly about it because I am scared of people then paying too much attention to my face skin. The rational part of my brain know that this wouldn’t happen. People are not standing around me judging my lifeless hair and hormonal acne and the rational part of me knows this but this is the thing about insecurities. They mess with the rational part of our brain.  

This is why you need to talk about them at least with yourself or on a blog like, well, me. Rationalize with yourself and do what’s best for you. I don’t wear makeup because it makes my skin worse and it took a lot of rationalizing to come to the point where I feel comfortable being makeup free on the daily. You have to learn how to put your own well-being ahead of people’s opinion and that voice that whispers in your ear. Giving up and giving in to your insecurities can harm your mental health and you could literally harm yourself because mostly our insecurities are about our body and the way we look. If you feed into your insecurities you will consider yourself not good enough, not lovable and people and companies who know how to manipulate your insecurities to their advantage will use them against you. I feel like I am building a conspiracy theory, but I believe you know what I am talking about. Expensive beauty procedures, strict diets, depression… The list goes on and it’s terrifyingly long (like this post) 

If you are insecure about your body or something else, it’s okay to try and change it but don’t forget to love it in the process. You can accept and love yourself while trying to change yourself.  

I could literally write on and on about this issue but I think it’s time to stop. If you would like to read more about this topic, just leave it in the comments below and also feel free to share your ideas for other Coffee Date posts. Don’t forget to let me know in the comments what do you think about this post, how do you handle your insecurities and how have you been lately. 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

Coffe Date with Luna: Gratitude

We are wrapping this year up with gratitude as we did last year. I gave you a few days to tell me what you are grateful for in 2019 and we have a pretty collection of pretty comments which you can read.

In order to say goodbye to 2019 on my blog, I just want to tell you all that the support I received in all of my projects and my blog in general this year has been absolutely amazing. I love the way you have made this a safe community for everyone to speak up and share their work here. You all show so much love in the comments to other fellow bloggers and writers that I am more and more grateful with each day for The Poetry Bar and for finally putting my heart and soul into this blog.

To be quite honest, all of you have been great friends to me in a year when my life was flipped upside down when it comes to my job, career, mental health, friendships and relationships. I often would feel alone when I was going through a hard time but that feeling became significantly smaller when I decided to share my thoughts, poetry and everyday life with you here.

For 2020 I want this community to grow and I want you to always be strong, even when you face hard times, to always stay positive and find light in everything. To all my fellow writers, I hope you all get book deals and remain being creative and wonderful artists. As for 2019, I can say I will remember it for slapping me in the face and making me stronger, wiser, more determined to succeed and it taught me that I can do more and that I am more that I think. I still have a long way before I embrace myself and everything I am capable off but 2019 surely made me face my fears and made me a better person.

Okay, I am done now. Here is what you all have been grateful for:

I am grateful for a loving family!  – https://southernwriter122051046.wordpress.com/

With coffee in hand, here goes…
I have much to be grateful for in 2019: a fulfilling career, a roof over my head, a warm bed, food on the table, good health, wonderful family, great friends, and someone special who has recently come into my life. I am also grateful that I get to give back to my community on a daily basis by helping those struggling to get by. I am grateful for this writing community where I get to share words with other creative types.
For 2020, I want to continue on this positive, forward moving path. I hope to be able to give more while continuing to make more great memories with those I love and connect with. Wishing you a wonderful end to this year and a beautiful year ahead!
https://surrealisticdreams.home.blog/

Grateful…hum always so hard when you live with anxiety and depression. But I’m grateful for the necessities. Both my wife and I are employed, we have an apartment and a wonderful cat. Despite the loss in key family and some illness in hers, family is still important. She’s still crafty and I’m still artsy. Goals for 2020: Find more fulfilling employment, continue on my weightless journey, go to that nudist resort on my 50th even if I haven reached my weightless goal, pay off credit cards, call friends more often and change my blog up a bit. https://aprolificpotpourri.wordpress.com/

I am grateful for my loving wife and family, health, a roof over my head, enough food to eat, retirement and the freedom it brings to travel in my own city, country and outside my country.
I have never been one to make New Year’s resolutions, but, this year I hope to make some progress in volunteering, reading, playing my mandolin and spending time with family and friends.
Here is my blog link https://blographytoo.photo.blog/

I am grateful for my family and the opportunities God opened for me this year. http://phiemyndz.wordpress.com/

I am grateful for the WordPress community in 2019 who supported me, enriched my life.
My goal for 2020 is to be with my love ones doing the most mundane and yet most extraordinary life together. http://flickerofthoughts.com/

One of the things I am grateful for are people like you : wonderful , kind, hard working , with dreams and with a drive to make them happen . https://andradal.wordpress.com/

I am so very grateful for my wife who grew up in the same story as yours. Thank you for having the strength and the writing skills to help lead others out of the darkness. https://mewe.com/i/garyedwards11

I finally got a job this year after a lot of struggle. It makes me independent, now I don’t have to remain dependent on others for money which is a very important thing in life as we need money for almost everything. I am grateful for all that I have.
Here is my blog https://believestrong.wordpress.com

I’m grateful for life. And everything in it. http://cityjackdaw.wordpress.com/

Family, friends and time spent with them is a the top of the list. Also, strolls in the sand at the beach.
A well made taco is uber-important!
After taking off a year from uploading photographs to my print site…I will start again with regularity. http://photographicimpressionistic.wordpress.com/

Changing the blog

Hello everyone!

I wish a happy holiday to everyone, I hope you are having a wonderful time. I know I already feel fat with all of the food my mother has been preparing lately. Also, I finally have days off work so I can be at home, with my family, rest and dedicate my time to my blog.

This last part is what I actually want to speak to you about. At the end of each year my brain, without my complete consent, starts to compare my life a year ago to my life today and I realized that my months of dedicating to much of my time and energy to my jobs and going through writer’s block has resulted in ny blog engagement and quality to decrease. The quality decrease is not referring to The Poetry Bar submissions, they are actually what keeps our community going, but the content I have been uploading is not what it was before and I feel very bad and guilty about it.

I am growing up, I do not have as much time as I had during my uni days but still this is not an excuse. I had big plans for this blog and for us as a community, I wanted us to expand and I neglected this blog because I was chasing paychecks and stressing about my jobs even when I had days off.

To sum this up, I decided to GET MI SHIT TOGETHER! Any time you feel like I am absent or that I am neglecting you, call me out on that. Write down in the comments that I am being a bad blogger again, keep me accountable for my actions.

I decided to change the blog a bit when it comes to my personal posts. I will still be posting my poetry work because poetry is life, but I will also dedicate more posts to my love for dressing up which you could have noticed on Instagram where I post my poetry works typed on my typewriter Olivia and my outfits. I am no fashion blogger but I do like dressing up because as much as I express myself through poetry I express myself through clothes and the way I look. The instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/luna.theblog/

Also, I thought of starting a little column type of thing. Before I would upload these longer posts on Saturdays where I would ramble on about stuff I thought about and wanted to share with you. Yesterday while reviewing my blog I came up with the idea to make a series called Coffee date with Luna. Here I would resuscitate those columns of mine and discuss different topics from what happens in my life to whatever you would like to read about and we would have discussions in the comment section because  I love it when you leave comments and talk to each other. I even thought of filming videos and posting them for the Coffee Date but I am not making this promise yet. I will still stick to my keyboard and not to a camera. Make sure to write down in the comments what you think about this idea and what would you like to read about during out Coffee dates!

I have seriously been rambling on in this post. Anyway, this is all I had to say blog wise for the upcoming year. Whenever I will be changing something, I will let you know. Can’t wait to see your comments!

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna