Coffee Date With Luna: Breathing

And so we live just like we are breathing. Out of habit. We are just going through the motions, there’s nothing genuine in our reactions or routines. It’s easier to live a habit than to expose your heart to feelings. Habits are layers of protection we hold so tight to without realizing we are suffocating under them.

Even when we decide to see what’s out there, we first build a layer of lies to support our layer of habits and we explore the world knowing damn well our habits are sitting at home and waiting for us. We are not taking risks; we are just becoming bigger cowards.

But we all felt something. There was something, someone, somewhere, back in the day and it made us feel. That four-letter word we labeled as unreachable – we’ve all felt it. But then reality came knocking at our doors and we weren’t prepared. Fairytales had a happy ending but no one told us that there was a part two where the king and queen sit back to back and just stare at the wall for the rest of their lives.

As we grow older, when we meet someone who evokes a feeling in us, someone who feels genuine, reality comes knocking even sooner. She doesn’t give us a fucking chance and we decide not to fight it. It is what it is, we must do what we must do. We hide and we crawl back under our layers of habits. It’s easier to be alone than to let anyone in.

Those who listen to their heart are immoral, those who listen to their head spend a lifetime pretending they are fine.

And so we live just like we are breathing. Out of habit. We are just going through the motions, there’s nothing genuine in our reactions or routines.

Coffee Date with Luna: Coronanxiety

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

I am going to be quite honest and say that I am terrified of the Coronavirus. I am actually trying to hold it together but the fact is that Croatia is going into quarantine and all I did for the past two weeks of my leave from work was read, listen and investigate everything about the virus and the latest safety measures. My anxiety is getting worse by the minute because on Monday I have to go to my job, do an 8 hour shift, take a laptop from the company and then work from home. My working from home could last as short as a week and the thought of working in a customer care center with more than 80 people around me during a pandemic is terrifying.

I could right now write a book complaining about the way the company I am working for is handling this virus outbreak, but I am not going to.  I think that writing too much about the anxiety I am dealing with right now and writing a lot about the virus is just going to make me more anxious.

I would like to use this post so that we can checkup on each other so I won’t be writing that much. As I said, corona is giving me anxiety because of my job etc. and now tell me how are you dealing with the current situation, how is your country doing, are you keeping yourself safe? Write down in the comments how are you, if you are experiencing any anxiety regarding the virus or write a positive, encouraging message to the community! Let’s just stay present, communicate and give each other support!

Also, I was thinking about re-activating the Positivity Press during this time of crisis so if you have something  positive you would like to share with out little community send it to postpositivity@gmail.com

Any e-mails that come in for The Positivity Press will be published as soon as possible and The Poetry Bar is always open for your submissions

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Poem #319

Tonight I will forgive myself.
I will forgive myself for all the times
I let you in knowing you will leave without a word,
without a whisper of why and where.
I will forgive myself for not letting you in tonight
and denying myself the pleasure of pretending to
belong to you, of feeling wanted.
I will forgive myself for everything I’ve done to hurt myself.
From now on, it will only be me until completely healed.

Poem #318

And so we live.
Our inner ten year olds are ashamed of us.
But we still live.
Our freedom is shackled by the opinions of others.
But we still live.
Our days are a well played out routine.
But we still live.
We slayed our dreams with the knife called reality.
But are we still alive?

Coffee Date with Luna: I lost three hours of my life

Hello everyone and welcome to another coffee date with Luna!

We haven’t done these in a while because I can’t keep up with my own  schedule but now that I am home for two weeks and the only thing I do is read news on Corona, I decided to stick to the schedule. Since I don’t really have an idea about what to write, I decided to do a story time!

This post in inspired and sponsored by my own damn stupidity when it comes to finances and credit cards.

I have been trying to buy a new laptop for a month and forever and finally I set my sight on one and on Thursday I took my wallet, my laptop that barely functions anymore and decided to buy myself a new laptop. This was the first time that I was purchasing something I wasn’t paying for immediately in cash. I don’t know how you call this type of payment in English but I will be paying for the laptop through 12 months and the final price of the laptop went up for 5% because I wasn’t paying for it completely when purchasing. Please tell me in the comments how you call this type of payment in English because I do not feel like searching for it #lazy

So, I registered and all and then I came to the payment section. All of the sudden I was just looking at it like an idiot because I didn’t know what to do. There was Visa, Visa premium this and that. I did what any grownup, independent woman would do. I waited for my mommy to get back home to help me.

We had a lot to do that day so we postponed the failed laptop purchase for Friday. I realized I have the Visa Premium card which allows me to divide the price of the laptop on a 12 months’ payment. By I realized, I mean my mommy told me. Then I placed the credit card details and all of that, hit the purchase button, I was all excited because I finally found the laptop I want and then BOOM! Error, your purchase didn’t go through. Two months ago when I got the premium card via mail, I absolutely ignored the fact that I actually need to activate that fucking card. I called the customer care of my bank and the lady activated the card and walked me through the steps of downloading the app I need to pay online. I did all of that and then entered my card details again and tried purchasing the laptop. Error, your purchase didn’t go through. Since I knew that I had enough balance on my card to pay for the laptop I contacted the customer care of the web shop to see if there was some issue with the site or if maybe the laptop was out of stock.

They used the line I use at my job a lot: Call your bank, there’s an issue with your payment method. I was angry. I spent two hours trying to order the laptop. Then I went to that app I had to download and realized that there was no balance on that card. My other two card are linked and all of the money goes to one account. Then my dumb brain decided I can do this on my own.

I opened another app I have from my bank and transferred the amount I need to pay for the first monthly fee for the laptop to my Premium Visa. After two hours this was the first time I actually got something through. I had the confirmation that the money was transferred and all. I went to the other app to check the balance of the card and it was 0 AGAIN! I opened a chat box, called my bank’s customer service and no one was answering for 45 fucking minutes. In those 45 fucking minutes I tried to transfer the money two more times. So keep in mind that I tried to transfer 600 kunas (Croatia currency) from my bank account to my Visa Premium three times.

I finally got someone on the chat and the lady told me that the money will be visible on my Premium on Monday because all money transfers done after 3PM on Friday are visible on Monday even if I transfer money to my own card.

I was not happy so I took my not happy ass to the bank. I waited for half an hour there and when I finally got to talk to a really nice lady I explained what I did. Essentially I transferred the money three times and it will be visible on Monday, she cannot cancel the transfers, I won’t be able to transfer the money by myself back to my account and I will have to call that customer care that doesn’t answer to transfer the extra money back to my other account. So to sum up, I spent three hours of my life to be told I fucked up and that I will have to spend another two hours (probably) on Monday to fix this issue and I swear to God that if that laptop will be sold out on Monday I will be very angry at someone. Not myself for not knowing anything about credit cards, money transfers and payment methods but at someone.

So, there’s my story time. This is what I did for most of my day yesterday. It was not fun. At all.

How is your week going guys, how will you be spending your weekend? Are you staying safe, healthy and washing your hands often?

Also, what would you like to read more of in our Coffee dates? I actually through of making this story time a video but I am kind of shy to do it because I hear my voice on a video once and guys, it does not sound nice.

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Poem #317

You told me I am disturbingly
easy to fall in love with.
I didn’t know if I should say thank you
or slap you.
Am I so ordinary that I can be
everyone’s cup of tea?
Can’t you see I am a shot of whiskey?

Coffee Date With Luna: Creativity vs. Reality

Hello everyone!

And the award for the most absent blogger goes to yours truly! In the words of Britney Spears “Oops I did it again”

But I am back now. I know that usually our coffee dates are on Saturday but I guess I was so bad at blogging that I actually couldn’t keep up with my own schedule. Today I feel like talking about the actual reason why I have been so absent lately. You know I was ill for a while and then I got back to Zagreb and back to my job. And then I worked. And then I worked. And then I worked some more.

Sometimes I have a feeling like my job and becoming a “grownup” is seriously shutting down any source of creativity in me. I had some writers blocks and I know how much it sucks but this is something else. By the time I do everything that needs to be done, do my shift, stress the hell out because of my job, come home and get to my job number two I just want to get to my bed.

I feel like my life became lifeless which is causing my creativity and writing inspiration to deteriorate. Since writing has been a big part of my life since I was a kid, this feels like a whole part of my personality is just fading away. It is sometimes really scary to feel your, let’s say, childhood dreams being taken away from you because you have to do this thing called being an adult. I know I sound like a kid saying this but at the end of the day those things we dreamed of as children come back to haunt us when we start becoming everything we said we never would be.

I have been taking care of myself for a long time now, earning my money, paying my bills, just being an adult but then I stop and go to my blog. There were periods when I would publish daily and my inspiration was just at a high level and now? If I wrote about my life, it would be pretty empty. The type of poetry I write when I am feeling down and it has been like this for months now.

I thought about making some changes to turn things around, maybe even travel somewhere but then the questions start: Can I afford this, do I have any vacation days left, who would I go with since my friends are busy etc. It’s like with my creativity being gone, my brain starts to think more of obstacles than opportunities when I want to do or change something.

This isn’t the type of Coffee Date you are used to, but currently these are some very haunting thoughts I have been fighting with. Have you ever thought about this, experienced such issues? I would really love it for you to share your experience and opinions in the comment section and also let me know what you would like to discuss next in our Coffee Dates.

Thank you for reading this very weird post of just my thoughts and troubles with growing up.

Sending love and positive vibes
Luna