Poem #337

The touch was something like silk.
The taste was that of sugar,
but even more addictive.
You felt like home, like peace.

I spent days writing then rushing
my fingers through paper
hoping to catch a glimpse of your face
somewhere between my words.

I think I was trying to recreate you,
but I don’t know how to recreate a feeling.
It was like a summer morning with a pinch of salt
in the air and hot sand between my toes.

I got lost between the palm trees,
wandered around the buildings,
spent my days climbing the mountains.
Are you looking for me as well?

Coffee Date with Luna: Addicted to the Noise

Hello everyone!

I rose from the dead, here I am actually blogging on my own blog. My last few weeks have been quite interesting and when I say interesting, I mean numbingly painful but I am still working through that bullshit. When I say that I rose from the dead I mean it.

Forgot to say, welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna. Depending on when I actually publish this, might be time for warm milk before bedtime with Luna, but that’s beside the point.

Growing up in domestic violence (what a lovely way to start a blog post), you cannot function in silence or in a lot of noise which is more common for such environment. When there was noise, when we were fighting or my father was chasing us around the house trying to beat us, I heard something and I knew that everyone was alive and conscious if they were speaking. Silence would sometimes be comforting, especially on those rare night when I wouldn’t go to bed listening to my father’s drunk rants about how he’s going to burn the house down while we sleep in it. But there’s this other thing that you start fearing about silence and it’s silence itself. I would often catch myself enjoying some moments of peace and quiet to only then be awaken by the thought that someone is hurt or that my father randomly fell somewhere while he was drunk and broke his neck. Yes people, welcome to my childhood thoughts. Don’t worry, he is still alive and back then he was mostly sleeping on the couch or the floor because he was too drunk to make it to bed.

This fear of silence made me into a person that constantly has to have noises around me. While I was living alone in Zadar, I always had music playing in the background or the TV was on. If I was going to the store, I had my headphones in. I had a playlist for bedtime. Music would be playing while I would get ready in the morning or while I was under the shower. And this routine continued.

Do you know what this does to you? It takes away your time to self-reflect and think about your problems and fears by constantly distracting your brain. I do not know how to be in silence or allow my brain to just process situations. I let everything build up inside of me until I become so emotionally unstable that I get depressed. And you want to know something? YOU ALL FUCKING DO IT AS WELL.

We live in a climate where we are encouraged to constantly be distracted by all types of shit. Our phones are always buzzing with notifications, there’s always someone talking, there’s always a new show to watch, news to keep up with etc. We all suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out). We are so caught up in this era of smart devices and constant noises that we forget about the whole world that’s inside each and every one of us.

I finished reading G. Steinem’s book called Revolution from Within. There’s a part where she speaks about people being healed emotionally and physically by coming back to nature. Do you know what nature is? Quiet. When was the last time when I enjoyed spending time in nature? When I was a kid, I used to run around and climb trees because being on a high tree with the fear of falling and breaking something was safer than being inside my house. Ever since I was liberated from domestic abuse, I gravitated towards the city, the noise, the constant distractions. The only thing that changes this for me is the proximity of the sea. I have a very special bond with the sea but I don’t spend much time on the seaside.

What I’ve come to realize lately, as I’ve been spending more time at home with my mom, is that this running away from my childhood and my inner self has produced a very negative side effect. I lost my memory or suppressed it so hard that I cannot remember years and years of my life. If something were to happen to my mother (God forbid), I would lose years of my life because she is literally the only person that can tell me what happened at certain points. I just don’t remember but that’s a problem for another post. I am researching this issue currently.

This is what being addicted to distractions and to noise brought me. I forgot who I was, do not like to think about who I am or what I wish to be. In this world of noises, I think it’s time for me to put the volume down and go back to me, listen to what I have to say and go through the pain and the thoughts and the memories for as long as it takes to process everything.

In a world that doesn’t want us to think, it’s hard to take that step. It’s not a step out of a comfort zone. It’s more like a jump of a cliff but we have to see it as a leap of faith, a return to the natural, to the human, to the raw part of life that was here before the noise and before devices that became smarter than us.

There is catharsis to be found in books, art, music and creation but there’s truth to be found in the world that’s inside of us. We came to the world naked, screaming and without shame. Let’s not leave it hidden, silenced and manipulated.

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

 

Coffee Date with Luna: Recognize Your Patterns

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

Ever since I dropped out of grad school, I have been experiencing a sort of a life crisis. Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it hits me like a wave and I am a terrible swimmer. One of the things I have learned in this time is that the only way to grow and get the fuck out of this is to review my past actions, what decisions led up to this and how to take accountability for my actions and make better choices in the future. Trust me, I do not have this figured out yet, but baby steps are still steps forward.

One of the decisions I had to review is the type of people I let into my life, especially when it came to romantic relationships. Using the word romantic linked to the toxic relationships I actually had is very amusing to me. I had the attachments, the infatuations, the beliefs I found love and that love will conquer all and now I am here 24 years old and still do not know shit about love. But I do love to write about it.

When I look back and review my relationships, there are patterns I can recognize. I would either get into a relationship that would seem great but it would end abruptly because something was missing, I didn’t feel like the person I was with had any genuine feelings about me, like they didn’t care about me. The second pattern is rushing into relationships that I knew deep down would never work and then being crushed. As if I was looking for this amazing love that would survive the obstacles and thrive. And people, I thrived in one of those relationships that ended up with me crying and smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. It wasn’t just the relationship that was toxic. The consequences echoed in my life for years and when I look back, I cannot help but ask myself: Why do I hate myself so much?

I refuse to take all of the blame for my failed relationships, but I can recognize where I went wrong. I didn’t leave people because they didn’t love me the way I need to be loved, but because I didn’t love myself. I projected my problems and my insecurities on to them. I wanted them to give me the love and attention I never gave myself. I was looking for someone who would care about me because I didn’t care about myself.

I started relationships and became infatuated with men who were bad for me because I didn’t feel like I was worthy or love. I humiliated myself to the point where I accepted crumbs off someone’s table and called it love. This is getting very hard to write but it’s something I have to face in order to be better and do better for myself.

I decided to share with you my relationship issues because you have these patterns too and maybe they just came into your mind. Writing them down, acknowledging these patterns will not solve them but it’s a start of a very long and prosperous journey. You cannot solve your problems in one night, in one post, in facing the truth but you can solve them with consistent work and by being honest with yourself always.

It’s hard. It’s fucking hard. It took me 3 weeks to sit down and write this because it’s not easy to admit that I hurt myself with my past relationships just because I didn’t love myself enough to seek what I deserve, what we all deserve which is love and respect and happiness. Do I love myself now? No. It’s a process but I won’t speed it up by not doing anything about it so, as always, I am sharing my truth here. I hope my little encounter with honesty will help you in your journey.

This is all I can take for this post, it’s hard to write about this when I don’t have my feelings sorted out but I am working on it. This is one of those baby steps.

As always let me know in the comments below your thoughts, what would you want to read about next and let me know how are you doing?

I love you all!

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

 

Poem #335

Somewhere between the smoke and alcohol,
the hobbies and oversleeping,
the binges and the purges
you realize it was never a writers block.

You screamed your words at that page
to let go, to release.
You never expected they would scream
right back at you.

You used to write to let it all out
now you fake writers block to keep it all in.
Just to avoid reading what you feel.
Just to avoid facing your own fears.

Last poem by Luna: Poem #334
Our First Travel Vlog: Vacation Vlog – Island of Krk, Croatia

We hit 6000 subscribers!

Hello everyone!
Do you know who hit 6000 subscribers this week? WE DID!

I am so excited about us hitting another milestone and for me this will always be an “us” accomplishment  because this blog is being built by all of us together.

We started The Poetry Bar back in the day when this blog gathered 1000 subscribers and I never thought it would blew up the way it did. I was surprised by the positive response to the idea and am grateful for every single submission. The Poetry Bar counts 950+ posts. We are close to 1000 Poetry Bar submissions. We have also been posting for 700+ days in a row.

I never believed this blog that I started almost 5 years ago would be such an important part of my life. It’s a part of my routine. I get up in the morning, have my coffee and breakfast and then it’s blog time.

This blog helped me get out of my comfort zone in many different ways and I want to thank you all for the support you show for the works of each other and for mine as well.

I would really love to be more active on social media and I will work on that for you guys. Also, I am still coming up with ideas for the Youtube channel I started in order to publish my travel vlog and I hope I will have the time and resources to start working on it soon.

I think that there’s still a lot of things I want to work on when it comes to me as as blogger and a creator and a writer and I am so grateful to have such an amazing platform where we can grow and learn together.

Thank you ❤

Vacation vlog – Island of Krk, Croatia

It took me a century to finish this but it’s finally here. The little vacation vlog I promised from my vacation on the island of Krk is here. I didn’t think it would be quite as long as it turned out but I hope you will enjoy it and that this could be a fun new thing we do on the blog from now on since I am obviously lacking creativity in writing… but I promise that I am working on it!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

 

 

Summer Vacation – Island of Krk, Croatia

Hello everyone!

My vacation has ended yesterday and on Monday I am going back to work. It has really been a wonderful few days, I also celebrated my birthday yesterday. It was so hard to leave Punat after days of sunbathing, swimming, eating out in restaurants and chilling.

I will begin working on the videos I took during the vacation this weekend but since I am very much new at this, it will probably take me some time to make a nice video for you to show what the island of Krk is like and to show you what the Croatian seaside looks like. Also, I am not a pro at this so the videos didn’t come off perfect or as I imagined they would but I will do my best to edit them well.

If you follow me on Instagram @luna.theblog you probably saw a lot of my stories and some pics I posted of the vacation. You can also check out the IG stories about the vacation in my highlights under Punat/2020.

I will just share a few photos from the vacation here. I was making a lot of videos so I didn’t take a lot of photos but I have some!

So, I love the traditional Mediterranean architecture and on our seaside we have plenty of examples. Just look how pretty this is! Croatia seaside cities are often compared to Italian cities by tourists, I heard this comparison a lot while working as a waitress during summer.

We also visited the small island of Kosljun which is the home of  a Franciscan monastery and also a nature reserve.  

The city Vrbnik just stole my heart. It is wonderful and I cannot believe that I haven’t heard about it before. I took a lot of videos of it so I have less pics but I have these two. The view of the sea is beautiful and I also had my birthday lunch there which I will show you later on. We actually came to Vrbnik on Wednesday and then we drove back there on Tuesday for my B-day lunch because we just loved this little city.  

I just had to throw this in. We were in the city of Krk and while we were walking around town there was a woman trying to catch a baby owl which fell out of its nest. The owl didn’t know how to fly well yet but she flew a bit and landed right on by boyfriends’ pocket. That little thing you see on the pocket of his pants is a baby owl. There were like three people trying to catch the owl and return her to her nest because the street was really close and she could’ve been hit by a car. We couldn’t stay for long enough to see if they returned her to safety but I do believe they did because they managed to catch her once.  

 Oprna beach is the most beautiful beach we visited. It is a bit hard to access, you’ll see it in the vlog video and you can also see there’s a hill behind me and we descended down a hill to get to this beach. I was a bit scared to film the walk down to the beach because I was scared of slipping and falling down but both of us got down to the beach and climbed up successfully. It was so pretty! 

And these are some pics from my birthday. I didn’t take a lot of videos during this day because it was out last day on vacation and we were just enjoying. The first pic of the food is the lunch we had in Vrbnik. If you come to Croatia, you have to try our Prosciutto and cheese, especially cheese from Pag. We had the dinner in Punat and it was delicious. He had some gnocchi and I had black cuttlefish risotto. My pretty little gift was this watch that he gave me when we went to Krk because I couldn’t wait to open up my present.  

And now I am home and I have to accept the fact that my office is not the beach and slowly come back to reality. But I am very grateful to have a job in this situation and to have had a chance to take a few days to visit Krk and relax. I hope you are all having a lovely day and stay tuned for the vlog. I will try to put it up as soon as possible.

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

Guest Post Information

This blog is expanding really fast, new followers are coming on board every single day and I’m thrilled! Our little community is not that little anymore!

Since new bloggers who join us have questions about guest posts and don’t feel like digging through the blog to find all of the previous posts here are the two ways you can guest post on Luna. I will probably repeat this post after every 200-400 new followers just to keep everyone up to speed.

So our beloved POETRY BAR – here you send your poetry works to poetrybar1@gmail.com together with a few words about yourself and a link to your blog and an Instagram account if you have one since The Poetry Bar does and we post your works there also. Check it out here:  https://www.instagram.com/the.poetrybar/

Our second guest post category is #savingme project – here you can share your stories about any type of abuse you’ve experienced. The email is savingmestory@gmail.com. The project was made to let abuse victims know they are not alone. If you don’t want to share your whole story, you can share how you got out, some advice to people going through this hell currently. It’s a safe place and your story can be published completely anonymously. Also, you can see that I post about my own experience with domestic abuse and not only my story but my thoughts, mechanisms that helped me overcome it etc.

Can’t wait to see what you send!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Poem #332

There was nothing. Not even a spark.
When you kissed me, it felt like you were
kissing someone else. I couldn’t feel your hands.
There was no love, just the need to avoid loneliness.
It was like we were drinking from an empty cup
and wondered why we felt thirst.

Poem #332 – Purge

You wake up with nausea and dizziness
but not with the will to wake up.
Go through the day not feeling like yourself,
you are selling your soul to the devil and that
devil is the world you are trapped in.
At night, before bed, you are in the shower for hours.

You are trying to purge the sin from your body with water
as if you just stepped out of a Bible while in reality
you have been questioning the existence of God
for years now. You turn the water off, your body is burning
but for a moment there you feel clean.
You promise yourself that in the morning it will be better.

You wake up with nausea and dizziness
but not with the will to wake up.
You are already late so you do not have time to
have a shower to see if the magic works in the morning as well.
You slap on a smile to avoid the questions, not realizing
this fakeness is eating away at your soul.

The poet inside of you invites you to write the feelings down,
he whispers in your ear that they are bottled up.
So you try to purge that thing out of your body with
words and verses for yourself or for the world to read,
laugh at, call you crazy because of that.
But for a moment there, it empties your mind.

It’s all for moments, nothing lasts.
You cannot purge something rotten that grew inside.
You can only heal it but you are too weak from trying
to purge it out as if a broken heart can be purged.
You are just tired and want to close your eyes
but the demons never sleep.