Coffee Date with Luna: 20 something crisis

Hello Everyone! 

It has been a long time since I just posted on the blog, had a talk with you or in this case, a cup of coffee. There is a reason for that. I have been going through a bit of a crisis that I do not know how to explain to myself or to others. 

I have a good job which keeps me financially stable, recently I met someone very special in my life, since I started working from home I have had more time to spend with my family, I have great friends and the list could go on about the things that are really going for me right now and still I am so miserable. There is a constant feeling of something missing in my life and it’s eating me away.  

I know that my career choices have a lot to do with my unhappiness. My goal in life was not and is not to be a customer service agent. I do like this job and I absolutely adore the people I am working with but there is still that feeling that something is missing. I have been in this career crisis on and off for the past 2 years and it’s a normal thing every 20something goes through but I can feel my mental health going to hell fast because I cannot cope with not having a purpose in life. Being aware of the fact that my degree is worthless and that no one wants to hire me in digital marketing because I have no fucking experience is not making this easy on me.  

Yesterday was my one year anniversary of working as a customer service agent. I have been feeling like shit for the last two weeks because I knew that I was reaching that one year at a job that was supposed to be temporary until I get my Digital Marketing certificate so that I can do something I am 100% invested in. But again there is this fear – what if I get into a Digital marketing agency and realize after some time that it’s not what I actually want? What if I just got that certificate to cover up for the fact that I dropped out of grad school without a fucking plan? 

As you can see, I am struggling which is why I haven’t been so active on the blog. I have had problems opening up to people about this because they either do not understand completely what I am saying or hit me with “Do you know how many people lost their job during quarantine and how many people are being paid less because of the COVID situation and how lucky you are right now?”  

Yes, I do know. 

I haven’t been fired, my job was never in question and there were no paycheck cuts in my firm. The only difference for us was that we had to work from home. That is it. Not a single person in the customer care center where I work felt the effects of quarantine when it comes to job security and money and this is amazing and I applaud the company for that.  

I don’t know if I am able to put this nicely, but I do not know how to feel okay and satisfied with my life just because others have it worse. Other people being in bad situations shouldn’t be a standard for me to feel good about myself and about my life but I have often felt under attack if I expressed any of these opinions out loud which made the struggle in my head even worse because it is all in my head. 

And then I opened up my laptop today and decided to write this mess out because this is my safe place and I often stray away from it when I’m in trouble but I am glad to be back. Thank you for putting up with my annoying rant about unhappiness. I know that our Coffee Dates are usually reserved for happy thoughts but I just had to get this off my chest. 

Please do let me know if you experienced similar issues and how did you deal with them? Let’s be the supportive WordPress community that we are.  

Also, we already passed 5,5k followers here on WordPress, my Poetry Bar inbox is full of your submissions so let me know if there’s any type of different content you would like to see on this blog. I publish from 3-5 Poetry Bar works daily, do you want more? Would you like for me to write about the current events, maybe to do story times, do you have some questions for me so we can do a Q&A type post. Tell me all of your wishes down in the comments because, honestly, I need some content ideas and working on this blog has always helped me work through my personal issues.  

I love you all, thank you for being so amazing and so supportive! 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

Poem #330

I do not need you.
I have been through hell and back,
got out by myself.
I shower in burning hot water
to make my skin remember of how
much I am capable of.

I do not need you.
I learned the hard way to stand
on my own two feet.
My knees still bleed, the bruises
pulsate but it doesn’t stop
me from getting up every day.

I do not need you. I want you.
I want you to kiss every wound,
touch every weakness.
You look like you are smart
enough to know what type of
blessing that is.

Coffee Date with Luna: Back to the passion

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

I hope you are healthy and safe and already guessing I will have a quarantine themed coffee date. I have noticed something happening to my mind, let say, during this time that I have been at home more, working from home and having more free time.

I have returned to what’s important to me and what is natural to me and the things I am passioned about.

This discovery came to me when I caught myself sitting on my balcony and reading “Io non ho paura” by Niccolò Ammaniti and the book (as you can tell) is written in Italian. I, without giving it much thought, googled some Italian authors to find a new book to read, downloaded this one and just spent hours enjoying it, reading it, even googled some words I didn’t know by then and then it hit me. I miss Italian and I got so caught up in my jobs and my blog that I forgot I am one big philologist at heart. For those of you who don’t know, I actually studied foreign languages, Italian and Spanish to be precise. Italian was one of my first passions when it came to my love for foreign languages.

Until that moment, when I came to the last page, I didn’t even know how much I missed this part of myself. I got so caught up in making money, taking care of myself, adulting in general that I forgot to feed my mind and my soul what it desired. I came back to my passion and it made me so happy, I felt so fulfilled and a new wave of energy came over me as if I had a good sleep and was ready to conquer the day. This little thing, this little book, coming back to the language I love so much made me feel like myself again, placed me in touch with my inner self.

I think that this is a textbook example of how small things make a difference and matter the most. I have been experiencing these revelations in quarantine a lot. Now that I am not so concerned with all of the things I have to do and all of the places I have to be at, I can actually hear myself because the noise of everyday life is cancelled now. I hope this makes sense to you guys and that you don’t think I am just losing my mind here.

I guess this was a shorter post, but I think I shared everything I wanted to. Now tell me, have you experienced this during quarantine? Did you start picking up some old hobbies, enjoying old music, giving more attention to your spiritual side?

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

Coffee Date with Luna: Staying Sane

Hello everyone!

I hope you are all well, safe and able to stay home. For those of you who have to go to work, I just want you to stay strong, keep the distance as much as you can and follow the safety guidelines.

I am going to be quite honest and say that I am losing my mind a bit. Me and my work crew even have meltdowns about how much we miss each other. I just catch myself thinking about having a coffee in a bar with my friends, walking around, even riding in a tram which is always overly crowded.

Today I just want to speak about the ways I have been keeping the little sanity I have left. My first two rules are home workouts and meditation. Home workouts really help me to let go of stress and anxiety. They are not much, but 30-45 minutes does the trick. I always try not to go more than three days without working out. Meditation helps me deal with the thoughts in my head and there are many. I know that people think that meditation is about clearing your mind and not thinking about anything, but for me is just letting the thoughts flow and letting them go.

I have also been reading. I went to the STIR UP coworking place where I work as a community manager and got myself some books which we have there. I read Steve Jobs biography and a book about Ikigai. I also have some pdf books I downloaded but the problem is I spend a lot of time in front of my laptop so it gets exhausting reading on it as well.

I have been very blessed to have the opportunity to work from home at this difficult time. I do miss being at my job, being with my work crew but whenever I get these negative thoughts, I just keep on repeating that this too will pass. It’s kind of my mantra now.

I know that this coffee date has been me rambling about my very boring life, but I think we can all use some tips on keeping sane during this quarantine. Let me and the rest know in the comments below how are you dealing with everything!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Coffee Date With Luna: Breathing

And so we live just like we are breathing. Out of habit. We are just going through the motions, there’s nothing genuine in our reactions or routines. It’s easier to live a habit than to expose your heart to feelings. Habits are layers of protection we hold so tight to without realizing we are suffocating under them.

Even when we decide to see what’s out there, we first build a layer of lies to support our layer of habits and we explore the world knowing damn well our habits are sitting at home and waiting for us. We are not taking risks; we are just becoming bigger cowards.

But we all felt something. There was something, someone, somewhere, back in the day and it made us feel. That four-letter word we labeled as unreachable – we’ve all felt it. But then reality came knocking at our doors and we weren’t prepared. Fairytales had a happy ending but no one told us that there was a part two where the king and queen sit back to back and just stare at the wall for the rest of their lives.

As we grow older, when we meet someone who evokes a feeling in us, someone who feels genuine, reality comes knocking even sooner. She doesn’t give us a fucking chance and we decide not to fight it. It is what it is, we must do what we must do. We hide and we crawl back under our layers of habits. It’s easier to be alone than to let anyone in.

Those who listen to their heart are immoral, those who listen to their head spend a lifetime pretending they are fine.

And so we live just like we are breathing. Out of habit. We are just going through the motions, there’s nothing genuine in our reactions or routines.

Coffee Date with Luna: Coronanxiety

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

I am going to be quite honest and say that I am terrified of the Coronavirus. I am actually trying to hold it together but the fact is that Croatia is going into quarantine and all I did for the past two weeks of my leave from work was read, listen and investigate everything about the virus and the latest safety measures. My anxiety is getting worse by the minute because on Monday I have to go to my job, do an 8 hour shift, take a laptop from the company and then work from home. My working from home could last as short as a week and the thought of working in a customer care center with more than 80 people around me during a pandemic is terrifying.

I could right now write a book complaining about the way the company I am working for is handling this virus outbreak, but I am not going to.  I think that writing too much about the anxiety I am dealing with right now and writing a lot about the virus is just going to make me more anxious.

I would like to use this post so that we can checkup on each other so I won’t be writing that much. As I said, corona is giving me anxiety because of my job etc. and now tell me how are you dealing with the current situation, how is your country doing, are you keeping yourself safe? Write down in the comments how are you, if you are experiencing any anxiety regarding the virus or write a positive, encouraging message to the community! Let’s just stay present, communicate and give each other support!

Also, I was thinking about re-activating the Positivity Press during this time of crisis so if you have something  positive you would like to share with out little community send it to postpositivity@gmail.com

Any e-mails that come in for The Positivity Press will be published as soon as possible and The Poetry Bar is always open for your submissions

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Poem #319

Tonight I will forgive myself.
I will forgive myself for all the times
I let you in knowing you will leave without a word,
without a whisper of why and where.
I will forgive myself for not letting you in tonight
and denying myself the pleasure of pretending to
belong to you, of feeling wanted.
I will forgive myself for everything I’ve done to hurt myself.
From now on, it will only be me until completely healed.

Poem #318

And so we live.
Our inner ten year olds are ashamed of us.
But we still live.
Our freedom is shackled by the opinions of others.
But we still live.
Our days are a well played out routine.
But we still live.
We slayed our dreams with the knife called reality.
But are we still alive?

Coffee Date with Luna: I lost three hours of my life

Hello everyone and welcome to another coffee date with Luna!

We haven’t done these in a while because I can’t keep up with my own  schedule but now that I am home for two weeks and the only thing I do is read news on Corona, I decided to stick to the schedule. Since I don’t really have an idea about what to write, I decided to do a story time!

This post in inspired and sponsored by my own damn stupidity when it comes to finances and credit cards.

I have been trying to buy a new laptop for a month and forever and finally I set my sight on one and on Thursday I took my wallet, my laptop that barely functions anymore and decided to buy myself a new laptop. This was the first time that I was purchasing something I wasn’t paying for immediately in cash. I don’t know how you call this type of payment in English but I will be paying for the laptop through 12 months and the final price of the laptop went up for 5% because I wasn’t paying for it completely when purchasing. Please tell me in the comments how you call this type of payment in English because I do not feel like searching for it #lazy

So, I registered and all and then I came to the payment section. All of the sudden I was just looking at it like an idiot because I didn’t know what to do. There was Visa, Visa premium this and that. I did what any grownup, independent woman would do. I waited for my mommy to get back home to help me.

We had a lot to do that day so we postponed the failed laptop purchase for Friday. I realized I have the Visa Premium card which allows me to divide the price of the laptop on a 12 months’ payment. By I realized, I mean my mommy told me. Then I placed the credit card details and all of that, hit the purchase button, I was all excited because I finally found the laptop I want and then BOOM! Error, your purchase didn’t go through. Two months ago when I got the premium card via mail, I absolutely ignored the fact that I actually need to activate that fucking card. I called the customer care of my bank and the lady activated the card and walked me through the steps of downloading the app I need to pay online. I did all of that and then entered my card details again and tried purchasing the laptop. Error, your purchase didn’t go through. Since I knew that I had enough balance on my card to pay for the laptop I contacted the customer care of the web shop to see if there was some issue with the site or if maybe the laptop was out of stock.

They used the line I use at my job a lot: Call your bank, there’s an issue with your payment method. I was angry. I spent two hours trying to order the laptop. Then I went to that app I had to download and realized that there was no balance on that card. My other two card are linked and all of the money goes to one account. Then my dumb brain decided I can do this on my own.

I opened another app I have from my bank and transferred the amount I need to pay for the first monthly fee for the laptop to my Premium Visa. After two hours this was the first time I actually got something through. I had the confirmation that the money was transferred and all. I went to the other app to check the balance of the card and it was 0 AGAIN! I opened a chat box, called my bank’s customer service and no one was answering for 45 fucking minutes. In those 45 fucking minutes I tried to transfer the money two more times. So keep in mind that I tried to transfer 600 kunas (Croatia currency) from my bank account to my Visa Premium three times.

I finally got someone on the chat and the lady told me that the money will be visible on my Premium on Monday because all money transfers done after 3PM on Friday are visible on Monday even if I transfer money to my own card.

I was not happy so I took my not happy ass to the bank. I waited for half an hour there and when I finally got to talk to a really nice lady I explained what I did. Essentially I transferred the money three times and it will be visible on Monday, she cannot cancel the transfers, I won’t be able to transfer the money by myself back to my account and I will have to call that customer care that doesn’t answer to transfer the extra money back to my other account. So to sum up, I spent three hours of my life to be told I fucked up and that I will have to spend another two hours (probably) on Monday to fix this issue and I swear to God that if that laptop will be sold out on Monday I will be very angry at someone. Not myself for not knowing anything about credit cards, money transfers and payment methods but at someone.

So, there’s my story time. This is what I did for most of my day yesterday. It was not fun. At all.

How is your week going guys, how will you be spending your weekend? Are you staying safe, healthy and washing your hands often?

Also, what would you like to read more of in our Coffee dates? I actually through of making this story time a video but I am kind of shy to do it because I hear my voice on a video once and guys, it does not sound nice.

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna