The Oxford University

Hello. Good day, good sirs.

How do you do.

I have with me my resumé,

A poem I’ll perform for you,

I’ve also brought my ukulele,

A stress ball and a hip flask, too.

(Just in case). In case of what?

A case of what? I’m glad you ask.

A case that’s very clinical indeed:

I’ve read the whole of War and Peace;

[exchanging looks]

I also know what alliteration is.

[an awed gasp]

Impressive, yes, I am aware

I am the candidate you seek.

Depression’s mild, panic attacks rare –

PTSD, but just a dot.

(War and Peace did take its toll)

I write prose, poetry and plays –

Your inspiration?

Well, just the classics – Brontë, Orwell,

Had a recent E. L. James phase.

The trilogy?

Yessir, all shades of grey in this bleak world.

What did you think?

A masterpiece of modern literature that both marvelled and disturbed.

I see.

[upon much contemplation]

Although you certainly have… an eccentricity, 

We feel that your application 

As… unique and bold as it is, 

Does not quite live up to the expectation

Of a student apt enough to bear the pressure of our course. 

And above all – 

Allow me to correct the errors of your discourse.

Excuse me?

Mister-Sir-Professor, you are about to suffer a loss of great extent –

We disagree. 

For goodness’ sake, you bearded snob –

Just listen and you shall see:

Please leave the room.

“Good day, good sirs – ”

Security!

 

Am a notorious womanizer currently residing at Oxford university named Carter. Joking, I have no life and I’ve been rejected because apparently I wasn’t ‘flexible enough in thought’ which I’m still very bitter about and use as poem inspiration amongst sex, my imaginary career in womanizing and soppy things.

https://themodernteenageegomaniac.wordpress.com/

 

If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account (if you have one) to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com