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How Does It Feel?

How does it feel
To grab the attention of everyone in the room,
I do not know.
I’ve never been the head-turning kind of girl,
The one brimming with confidence,
The light within her burning every shadow of doubt?
They say you can turn your dreams into reality, but not once have I experienced that- not with
people,
All I’ve ever seen is that pinch of black in the white instead of the sprinkle of white in the dark,
Or it that what I’ve been looking for all along?

How does it feel
To be the best at something; everything,
I do not know.
I’m used to being the second bestA testament to the word “almost”.
It’s not like I do not try,
In fact I try harder than most
But fate simply does not have this in store for me,
Or maybe I don’t try hard enough.
This just ends up being a never-ending loop where I try, I fail, so I try harder, but to no avail,
Or again, is it just my fault deep within?

How does it feel
To be neither here nor thereTo tread in the grey
Where there is no darkness but not enough light to show the path ahead either,
I do not know.
I do not know what the blacks or the whites look like,
They’ve both blended into this version where everything is an illusion,
I’m neither capable of getting the best
Nor am I worthy of the worst,
Better to grab onto whatever it is that I can get, than to have a soul so empty and abysmal as
Tartarus, that my conscience takes forever to fall within.
Or is the grey just a figment of my imagination, something I built to prevent that fall, but it’s
only going to make the hit harder if, when it finally does happen?

How does it feel
To realize that you’re enough on your own
No man is an island, but sure can he be the sea,
Neither alone nor together;
I do not know.
I hope to be there someday,
Or do I?
Because it seems right around the corner
But every time I turn, I’m faced with forked paths,
And the explorer in me decides to venture yet again, despite the coldness and the misery,
To get hurt one more time,
Because how much more can it really sting when you’re numb on the inside out already?

 I am a student in engineering and hope to dedicate my time to research. I am also someone who feels a lot of emotions, and I do a number of things on the side to express them, including writing. 
Link to my Instagram account: https://www.instagram.com/ppratz_95/

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If you would like to have your work published in The Poetry Bar send your poem, a few words about yourself and the link to your blog and Instagram account to the e-mail poetrybar1@gmail.com

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