At the beginning of the year I was on a roll with my Youtube videos, I was cooking every single week and sharing recipes and then I stopped and there’s a reason for that and I decided to talk about it a bit. I know some people also go through this, so why not share?
In my early 20ies, I developed hypothyroidism which affected my body, primarily my face and my hair. I started losing hair in chunks and it never really recovered and for the first time in my life I developed acne. I never struggled with them as a teenager so going through it was a hard experience for me. I struggled with my body image, I was embarrassed by my own face and it was actually painful because the acne would be very inflamed.
Once I was put on pills for my condition, the symptoms were manageable but my face never fully recovered but I learned to live with it. Since I was a broke college student, I couldn’t really afford expensive skincare that I needed, so I had to improvise. One of the first things I did was stop wearing makeup. It really irritated my skin and it took a very long time to become comfortable with leaving my apartment without makeup on or going out with my friends with my bare face. I did accomplish it and after a year or two I fully accepted that I have this skin issue and I built up my self-esteem from the ground up. I never looked back and even when my skin became a lot better, I still stayed away from makeup because I just couldn’t be bothered anymore. I envy women who are good with makeup and manage to make it look amazing and I had a desire to get back into it but it never worked.
For some reason, that problem came back in the past few months and it has gotten worse. I thought I was comfortable with myself, accepted everything about my own body but I guess that self acceptance is a lifelong journey. I noticed my acne acting up again and I thought to myself that it must be my period or something else but I guess that the problem runs deeper. It has gotten so bad to the point where I couldn’t sleep on my left side because my acne was that painful.
I noticed that I started to become more self conscious of my appearance. Whenever I wake up in the morning and go to the bathroom to wash up, I literally sigh at what I see in the mirror and it’s so devastating. I never thought I would be back at this again.
This is why I stopped posting videos because being on camera or even taking a picture became such a struggle for me because I don’t want to see more reminders of this inflamed mess on my face. My dermatologist is not the best, I kind of thoroughly dislike the woman because she doesn’t listen to me and I’ve gotten some help at my local pharmacy. The lady there gave me some really excellent products and shared some useful advice that helped me manage my acne.
It really sucks to be struggling with this again and I hate how it made me dislike myself and my appearance. I was never the pinnacle of self-esteem but it was also never this low. This might seem like a minor issue, but it seriously affects my every day life and the relationship I have with myself and my body.
I am sharing this not just as an explanation for why I have been absent on my YT channel, but as a way to reach out because I know a lot of people struggle with body image issues and insecurities and we are all on the same boat here. You are not alone in this and neither am I and I needed to remind myself of that.
That being said, I took matters into my own hands. I have two doctor appointments booked for this month, one to get a blood test done for my thyroid and one with a gynecologist to check if everything is okay on that part and see if I need to get my hormones checked. I am putting all my trust in medicine and also my money because this has been one expensive problem.
I am not going to doctors and public hospitals covered by my insurance, I actually paid for private insurance because I wanted to get a full checkup done and the insurance plan I paid for also offers a limited number of doctors in private clinics I can go to so I am taking full advantage of that. Hopefully, I will finally have an answer to what has caused this acne breakout again soon.
Anyways, that’s what I have been dealing with for the past few weeks and why I haven’t posted on YT for a while. I guess I am just back to learning how to be comfortable with myself and build up my self-confidence.
Hopefully it goes well and I will come back with new recipes soon.
If you have any tips, tricks and home remedies for painful acne, I am all ears.
Love,
Luna
Don’t forget that my first novel is available on Amazon: Little Rebellion
Also you can get my poetry books: Rehab and Identity crisis
Until I come back to YT, check out my latest video:
Oh that sounds like no fun at all. I hope you will recover from it soon.
Sorry to hear you’re having such a bad time. Hang in there and hope you improve soon. 🙂
That is hard, especially when you have looked after yourself. Keep trying different options. Don’t rely on a dermatologist you don’t like! Relax and just blog when you feel like it. The written word alone is fine and none of us really know what our fellow bloggers look like in real life.
I’ve also had hypothyroidism for years, and take a little green pill for it daily. They check my levels every six months, and occasionally have to adjust the dosage. Have the hair problem too. For my skin, I use plain refined organic coconut oil (the unrefined has an odor I don’t like) at night. You might have some in your kitchen. I understand the coconut oil has some germ-killing properties, and it does nice things for the skin.
Luna, I’m so sorry to hear you are suffering. I feel bad that I asked about why you hadn’t posted a recipe video without knowing what you were going through. I am 55 and still struggle with acne breakouts, usually stress and hormone related, but I have a wonderful dermatologist who has prescribed a combination of topicals for those flareups. You are beautiful, inside and out, with or without makeup, as you are. You are on the right track to discovering the root of your acne. I wish you the very best and enjoy reading the blogs you post. Thank you for sharing your struggle.
Sorry you have to go through all that.
Get well soon Luna.
Love your authenticity. Get well soon🤗