What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
I think that having it all boils down to being happy. I remain unsure if I would ever find that feeling or be able to hold on to it. Living in peace is already a struggle for me. My brain was conditioned by violence it grew up in, so now that I finally have a peaceful life I have been forced to reckon with the fact that I don’t know how to live in peace. It somehow turns me into a lethargic, unmotivated person. It’s like my body and mind seek out stress and pain in order to find motivation to move forward.
When I think about “having it all”, I think about living and travelling the world with the person I love, writing and sharing my art, having my dream home and enough freedom to do whatever I want to do in life. The downside to it, at least from my current perspective, is that I don’t know if I could have it all, be happy and know how to live with it. I wish I could find the ‘self-destruct’ button in my head and smash it into a million pieces.
If I had to pick just one thing that would represent the ‘having it all’ concept, I would pick freedom. As long as I have time and the resources to do what I want, I can build up from that. While yes, I have free will now and can do whatever I want, I also have rent and bills to pay, food to put on the table, a future I still have to secure so my free will is very restricted and limited by having to participate in my own life as it is now.
It would be nice to have it all, but I always stray over to the safe side because, you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for.
Love,
Luna
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