Creating problems

What are you good at?

Oh, if there was only an award for being painfully, obnoxiously self-critical. I would be the winner. I actually refer to my criticism crashouts as ‘my biggest hits collection’ when I talk to my therapist about it. If you asked someone about me, they might tell you something good about me. If you ask me, you will hear a 29 years long story about all of my failures and how I was never adequate for anything and how I abandoned everything and I haven’t accomplished a single thing in my life.

This is why it’s difficult for people like me to list something we are good at because we don’t believe we are good in anything. This used to be a positive side of my personality because my own self-criticism kept me motivated to always push forward but with years it turned me into an exhausted tired person and that motivation has vanished. Now it’s just a problem that I deal with constantly. It affects my self-esteem, confidence, motivation and every single thing I try to do or accomplish. My brain is a very loud place to live in.

If I make a little space for my brain to be completely objective and not overshadowed by that annoying voice in my head, I would say that I am actually really good at managing things. I had a bit of a difficult life and it turned me into a person that knows how to survive and handle whatever is thrown at me. That’s it. That’s the only thing I can think of and as I typed that out, my brain turned the “but do you remember when this thing happened and you didn’t know what to do” monologue.

As I said, my brain is a loud place to live in.

Love,
Luna

You can get your copy of my first novel on Amazon: Little Rebellion
Poetry Books: Identity Crisis, Rehab

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