Poem #232

I see you hiding in the shadows
of what they told you that you should be.

I can feel your heart break every time
they bend your will.

Step into the light, there’s nothing to hide.

The world always judged those
carrying change in their heart.

How do we make ourselves unhappy?

I’m going through a lot lately and I started writing a post about it but I think it will take me a while to write it but in the process I started thinking about the way we make ourselves miserable. It’s hard to admit to ourselves that our actions and thoughts make us unhappy because we always accuse somebody else of being the reason for our misery.

We are so determined to make our lives work out the way we plan that we completely ignore the concept of change being a good thing. We have our eyes set on the prize and we don’t know how to enjoy the competition for it. Let’s imagine life like a car ride. You can stay on the road in your little car always but you will forget what’s it like to use your own legs to take you places. If you don’t venture outside your world you’ll never experience new things or maybe find a new dream for yourself. Let go of the steering wheel and let adventure consume your life.

Most of the negativity in our life comes right out of our mouths. It’s like we try to make ourselves feel bad. I can’t do this, I can’t go there, I’m fat, I’m ugly etc. Stop kicking yourself down. Each and every one of us has a great potential inside and we crush it by holding ourselves back. Stop saying it’s impossible, stop saying you aren’t good enough and STOP GIVING UP ON THINGS YOU HAVEN’T TRIED! Let positivity enter your mind and you’ll see how much happier you’ll be.

Tomorrow. The incredible land where all our dreams, hopes, aspirations and beginnings exist. We’ll do everything tomorrow. That tomorrow should turn into now. You want a good grade? Open that book now. Want to lose weight? Start eating healthier now. You want that promotion? Start fighting for it now. You want to save your relationship? Talk to your partner now. Tomorrow is the future and you control it by your actions that are supposed to happen now!

Technology and development made it possible for us to acquire anything in a matter of seconds and, you maybe don’t believe it, but that speed and availability of everything is making us unhappy. We forgot that things take time. We forgot how to work for something because we expect everything to just be given to us. Get your lazy ass off of that couch and do something that isn’t bitching about not having what you want. If we don’t reach our goals in a matter of days we tend to lost faith and give up. Stop doing that, have patience and remind yourself that the harder you work for it the more it will pay off.

This is something that we all have in common and it’s called comparing. Not only do we make ourselves miserable by doing it but we can also become extremely depressed because of it. As soon as we see somebody having it better that us we start feeling deprived and get depressed. Stop comparing yourself to others because you’re not them. You don’t live their life. You are an individual and you should build your life by becoming better than the person you were yesterday not by becoming better than somebody else. Powerful people know how to appreciate their success and they don’t have the need to compare it to other to get validation that they are better. Remember that!

And lastly we make ourselves unhappy by not appreciating our mistakes the same way we appreciate our success. Mistakes are the only life lessons because no books can teach us what our mistakes can and we remember nothing like the things we did wrong so it is necessary for you to learn how to process it in a healthy way. If you made a mistake it doesn’t mean you have to sit down and cry about it. You should actually try to find a new approach to a problem, get creative and get more determined to make things work just to prove yourself that you can do it. Mistakes are lessons, not failures.

Hope I inspired at least one person to change something to become happier. Remember that you are your biggest project in life and you should never give up on yourself!

Poem #100

They say that every seven years the
human body completely changes its skin.
It’s a comfort to hear.
Maybe in 7 years my love for you
will go together with the body
you held in your hands for so long.

They also claim that every 7 years
our hair is completely different.
Even better to hear.
In 7 years I won’t have the same hair
you smelled so passionately, the same
hair you played with every night
before going to sleep.

When will someone state that
every seven years we get brand new
feelings so I could have hope this
mess you left inside of me will heal or disappear.

Poem #89

I am down on the A1, A high, A wishing
upon a lucky star. Just one of the
many passengers but these miles
aren’t just miles, they are memories left
behind and a whole past broken down
in search of something new to step into,
to step out of the dark.
The night isn’t so scary anymore, I
guess I grew right out of that fear or
I just managed to face what’s lurking
in the dark. I guess I am not who I used
to be and you can find the new me
traveling on the A1, A high, A wishing
upon a lucky star.

Poem #75

There is something so bitter sweet
in the feeling autumn brings.
You see the trees giving away their
soul, being naked for the wind to
touch them but yet they leave the
ground so colorful for us to walk on.

The rain lingers with a certain smell
in the air and makes us feel as if it
will wash away our sins. The sky is
crying for us to close our umbrellas
and let nature walk us into a new
stage, a new colorful path.

Dead spot

Dead spot

I refer to this place I’m in right know
as to a dead spot. I’ve been on this dead spot
for years,  no movement forward or backwards.
the same shit, every day, for years.

I bang my head into a wall thinking it will bring
me clarity because no right answer in my life
came from happiness. It always came from pain.
Nothing happened. I just have a red mark on my
forehead now. Guess the pain isn’t working anymore.

But that one great thing is coming. I know it is. I’ve been
waiting for it for years. High school graduation, university,
boyfriends, new job, new meditation… I thought all of these
things were that one big thing, but I was wrong. And I was wrong
one too many times and now the doors are shut and the windows
are so small I can’t crawl out and I’m stuck here on this dead spot
and I’m trying and I’m pretending I know where I’m going and the
key word here is “I” because it’s just me here, I’m alone here.

I did this to myself. I got me here and I don’t know how to get out.
I don’t know how to ask for help. I can’t find that one big thing,
that great change. Maybe I am the thing that needs to change.
Who am I?

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Who is your person?

Who is your person?

When the lights die, when you wash off the remains of the day off of your body and when the masks we wear come down who is the person you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen by? Who is the person in front of which you don’t need a mask because they know who you are and accept you for it? Who is the person you call in the middle of the night just to hear them and calm yourself down? What name or names came into your head?

I wrote a lot of questions just to make that name or those names come into your head. I’ve spent two weeks in my hometown with my family and with my girls and it made me think about the person I was, the people I gained and lost, people who taught me life lessons and the people who I allowed to stab me in the back despite my own better judgment.

My first name is my mother because that woman has an answer to every question and she was my biggest support over the years and after her I have them.

friends

My best friends. The family I picked for myself. I’ve made many mistakes when it comes to choosing friends because I’ve let people take advantage of me, push me around, make a fool out of me and humiliate me. I still fall into traps with people and I still get stabbed in the back by the people I let into my life with open arms but that’s all life. Everything is a lesson as long as we allow it to be.

You need to know who your people are. You need to create a circle of people who support you, understand you and love you and you need to do the same for them. Surrounding yourself with people who are good for you isn’t selfish, it’s NECESSARY. If you stay stuck with people who are bad for you just because you are afraid to be alone or change something then that’s on you and everything that happens is your responsibility.

You will get knocked down by people but as long as you know how to learn from it you will be able to stand back up. It isn’t about having many friends, being known by everyone and having all the attention – it’s about the people who you call in the middle of the night crying, the people you call when something great happens, the people who make your day just by being in it, the people who aggressively believe in you, the people who won’t be afraid to stand up to you when they see you’re doing a mistake and so on…

You need to love yourself enough to surround yourself with such people and you need to know that you are worth having people like that. No matter what you did in life and how many times you made mistakes you don’t deserve to be humiliated, pushed around, used and miserable.

Even if you are alone now, you don’t need to be afraid. Strength is built in loneliness and it’s better to be alone than in bad company. Everything you need will come to you as long as you love yourself enough to accept it.

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