Coffee Date with Luna: Flowers in the Garden

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna! 

We have not had a little chat for a long time now. How are you all doing? 

There was one of my posts called Embrace your Insecurities where I discussed my insecurities and body image issues with all of you and today I want to discuss the thing that has an impact on our insecurities which is the Instagram girl. 

For all of you that are on Instagram or are familiar with it, you already saw in your mind a certain picture of a girl when you read the words Instagram girl. It’s the perfect, polished girl with big boobs, small waist, huge ass, tiny legs, Kylie Jenner lips and perfect hair. And girls like that exist in real life, but these that we see on social media, for the most part, only exist on social media and no one would recognize them in real life. I know there’s an equivalent for this girl in the male world and I suppose it’s the rich guy who drives a fancy car and has a 6pack. Correct me if I am wrong.  

I am not going to discuss in depth the impact this has on men’s and women’s body issues and eating disorders but I just want to talk about the fact that we are trying to destroy the most natural thing we have in the world and that’s diversity. Why is everyone trying to look the same? 

Have you ever come across a person that has made an impact on the world and read something along the lines of “s(he) looked, talked, walked and thought just like everyone else”? The answer to that is no because trying to be a clone of pop culture is suffocating your creativity and bringing desperation to your life. 

There is so much beauty in diversity but we are trying our best to pretend it’s not there or we have just become blind to it from years of following imposed beauty standards. Everyone can agree that nature is beautiful, but it’s beautiful because of its diversity, colors etc. If every flower was trying to look like the other flower, we would have one flower and our garden would look boring. Why are we trying to look boring?! 

I understand that people go under the knife or have cosmetic procedures done because they are insecure. I thought about stuff like that and stuff I would like to change but then I stop and ask myself – Is it worth it? Maybe in a few years, I will change my mind about this but for now, my 24 years old brain is getting really tired of this clone culture that social media created. 

When I filmed my first Youtube video I noticed that my face was very asymmetrical but I thought it was because I was filming on my phone. Then I filmed my second Youtube video with my new camera and realized that my face indeed is asymmetrical. I was trying to determine if it was the lightning, the angle or something that made my face look like that and then I realized that in reality one of my eyes is a bit bigger than the order, one side of my lips is plumper than the other and one part of my jaw was a bit “chubbier” than the other. And that’s fucking okay. Instead of believing what social media is telling me I need to look like, I will rather listen to science that has confirmed human bodies are asymmetrical and that’s perfectly fine and NATURAL. 

With the world we live in, it’s very hard to just love yourself and be there for yourself when the media is trying to tell you that you look/sound/talk the wrong way and that you are eating the wrong things and that your body is not the way it should be. Even if some find it superficial, having an honest talk about body insecurities and how social media exacerbated them is necessary. I don’t want to dive into these types of topics because I didn’t research them yet, but with the development of social media, there was a rise in suicide and more teens were entering different mental health institutions. Is this what we want?  

Embracing yourself and the way you are different, gives your body, face and soul the dignity and respect the world has been trying to take away from it. Let’s just find the beauty in diversity again and go back to nature from which we came and to which we belong. Remember: no flower is the same in the garden. 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

Last Coffee Date: Recognize your patterns
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Poem: Poem #343

Coffee Date with Luna: Addicted to the Noise

Hello everyone!

I rose from the dead, here I am actually blogging on my own blog. My last few weeks have been quite interesting and when I say interesting, I mean numbingly painful but I am still working through that bullshit. When I say that I rose from the dead I mean it.

Forgot to say, welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna. Depending on when I actually publish this, might be time for warm milk before bedtime with Luna, but that’s beside the point.

Growing up in domestic violence (what a lovely way to start a blog post), you cannot function in silence or in a lot of noise which is more common for such environment. When there was noise, when we were fighting or my father was chasing us around the house trying to beat us, I heard something and I knew that everyone was alive and conscious if they were speaking. Silence would sometimes be comforting, especially on those rare night when I wouldn’t go to bed listening to my father’s drunk rants about how he’s going to burn the house down while we sleep in it. But there’s this other thing that you start fearing about silence and it’s silence itself. I would often catch myself enjoying some moments of peace and quiet to only then be awaken by the thought that someone is hurt or that my father randomly fell somewhere while he was drunk and broke his neck. Yes people, welcome to my childhood thoughts. Don’t worry, he is still alive and back then he was mostly sleeping on the couch or the floor because he was too drunk to make it to bed.

This fear of silence made me into a person that constantly has to have noises around me. While I was living alone in Zadar, I always had music playing in the background or the TV was on. If I was going to the store, I had my headphones in. I had a playlist for bedtime. Music would be playing while I would get ready in the morning or while I was under the shower. And this routine continued.

Do you know what this does to you? It takes away your time to self-reflect and think about your problems and fears by constantly distracting your brain. I do not know how to be in silence or allow my brain to just process situations. I let everything build up inside of me until I become so emotionally unstable that I get depressed. And you want to know something? YOU ALL FUCKING DO IT AS WELL.

We live in a climate where we are encouraged to constantly be distracted by all types of shit. Our phones are always buzzing with notifications, there’s always someone talking, there’s always a new show to watch, news to keep up with etc. We all suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out). We are so caught up in this era of smart devices and constant noises that we forget about the whole world that’s inside each and every one of us.

I finished reading G. Steinem’s book called Revolution from Within. There’s a part where she speaks about people being healed emotionally and physically by coming back to nature. Do you know what nature is? Quiet. When was the last time when I enjoyed spending time in nature? When I was a kid, I used to run around and climb trees because being on a high tree with the fear of falling and breaking something was safer than being inside my house. Ever since I was liberated from domestic abuse, I gravitated towards the city, the noise, the constant distractions. The only thing that changes this for me is the proximity of the sea. I have a very special bond with the sea but I don’t spend much time on the seaside.

What I’ve come to realize lately, as I’ve been spending more time at home with my mom, is that this running away from my childhood and my inner self has produced a very negative side effect. I lost my memory or suppressed it so hard that I cannot remember years and years of my life. If something were to happen to my mother (God forbid), I would lose years of my life because she is literally the only person that can tell me what happened at certain points. I just don’t remember but that’s a problem for another post. I am researching this issue currently.

This is what being addicted to distractions and to noise brought me. I forgot who I was, do not like to think about who I am or what I wish to be. In this world of noises, I think it’s time for me to put the volume down and go back to me, listen to what I have to say and go through the pain and the thoughts and the memories for as long as it takes to process everything.

In a world that doesn’t want us to think, it’s hard to take that step. It’s not a step out of a comfort zone. It’s more like a jump of a cliff but we have to see it as a leap of faith, a return to the natural, to the human, to the raw part of life that was here before the noise and before devices that became smarter than us.

There is catharsis to be found in books, art, music and creation but there’s truth to be found in the world that’s inside of us. We came to the world naked, screaming and without shame. Let’s not leave it hidden, silenced and manipulated.

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

 

Coffee Date with Luna: Recognize Your Patterns

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

Ever since I dropped out of grad school, I have been experiencing a sort of a life crisis. Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it hits me like a wave and I am a terrible swimmer. One of the things I have learned in this time is that the only way to grow and get the fuck out of this is to review my past actions, what decisions led up to this and how to take accountability for my actions and make better choices in the future. Trust me, I do not have this figured out yet, but baby steps are still steps forward.

One of the decisions I had to review is the type of people I let into my life, especially when it came to romantic relationships. Using the word romantic linked to the toxic relationships I actually had is very amusing to me. I had the attachments, the infatuations, the beliefs I found love and that love will conquer all and now I am here 24 years old and still do not know shit about love. But I do love to write about it.

When I look back and review my relationships, there are patterns I can recognize. I would either get into a relationship that would seem great but it would end abruptly because something was missing, I didn’t feel like the person I was with had any genuine feelings about me, like they didn’t care about me. The second pattern is rushing into relationships that I knew deep down would never work and then being crushed. As if I was looking for this amazing love that would survive the obstacles and thrive. And people, I thrived in one of those relationships that ended up with me crying and smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. It wasn’t just the relationship that was toxic. The consequences echoed in my life for years and when I look back, I cannot help but ask myself: Why do I hate myself so much?

I refuse to take all of the blame for my failed relationships, but I can recognize where I went wrong. I didn’t leave people because they didn’t love me the way I need to be loved, but because I didn’t love myself. I projected my problems and my insecurities on to them. I wanted them to give me the love and attention I never gave myself. I was looking for someone who would care about me because I didn’t care about myself.

I started relationships and became infatuated with men who were bad for me because I didn’t feel like I was worthy or love. I humiliated myself to the point where I accepted crumbs off someone’s table and called it love. This is getting very hard to write but it’s something I have to face in order to be better and do better for myself.

I decided to share with you my relationship issues because you have these patterns too and maybe they just came into your mind. Writing them down, acknowledging these patterns will not solve them but it’s a start of a very long and prosperous journey. You cannot solve your problems in one night, in one post, in facing the truth but you can solve them with consistent work and by being honest with yourself always.

It’s hard. It’s fucking hard. It took me 3 weeks to sit down and write this because it’s not easy to admit that I hurt myself with my past relationships just because I didn’t love myself enough to seek what I deserve, what we all deserve which is love and respect and happiness. Do I love myself now? No. It’s a process but I won’t speed it up by not doing anything about it so, as always, I am sharing my truth here. I hope my little encounter with honesty will help you in your journey.

This is all I can take for this post, it’s hard to write about this when I don’t have my feelings sorted out but I am working on it. This is one of those baby steps.

As always let me know in the comments below your thoughts, what would you want to read about next and let me know how are you doing?

I love you all!

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

 

Coffee Date with Luna: Why?

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

Our theme of today is not a very nice one but it’s a necessary one. I understand that there are many important subjects we could discuss and write about here but I, as a survivor or domestic abuse and a person that knows damn well how the system works, have to speak about this.

Epstein. May he rot in hell for all eternity and may that abomination of a woman that’s in jail now join him after she spills the truth on everyone involved.  Disgusting. It is disgusting that the authorities knew about this while they were abusing and trafficking girls. We all know it’s all true. We all know those girls do not have a reason to lie and that they are just a drop in the ocean of millions of girls whose childhood and teenage years were taken away from them. Why aren’t we talking about the girls who were brainwashed, scared into submission, to the sisters that were IGNORED BY THE FBI WHEN THEY SPOKE UP YEARS BEFORE EPSTEIN HAD A RAPE ISLAND!!!!!

Disgusting. I could insult and rain shit on Epstein and Maxwell but let’s talk about the actual impact this has on women who are victims of any type of assault and abuse, not just sexual.

Why was Epstein able to do what he did?
Money

Why was he conveniently suicided when the eye of the public was on this case?
Power.

The two things that run the world and are well connected. This shit went to the top. Why is no one speaking about that carrot looking troll in the White house who is a known misogynist, who insulted women and said “you need to grab them by the pussy” – why is no one looking into his friendship with Epstein? Why is prince andrew still free? Why are we letting this happen in front of our eyes.

A victim has come forward and accused prince andrew and he is out while she is still fighting for justice.  Even if there’s a crown on your head or a title in front of your name, you will be held accountable. I think it’s just deplorable how the British press had more to say about Markle, how they harassed her while there’s an alleged pedophile in the “royal” family. We can also talk about how the “royal” family is not saying anything about this, but I do not have the whole day. All I will say that as long as the powerful protect the powerful, the rest of us are a long way from justice.

And this is what scares the shit out of me. This case went up to the top. Not only were judges, FBI and lawyers looking at this, the world was keeping up with this case. The world was looking at this and everyone involved is telling women all across the world that they need to shut up when they are assaulted because no one is doing shit about it.

We are literally looking at money buying a way out for pedophiles so why should women anywhere be encouraged to speak out not only on Epstein but on other men? I know what fear is and I know what it means to FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE in a system designed to fail the victims and this is not an exaggeration. Why don’t we understand that women speaking out on assault and looking for protection are actually trying to save their life? Why do we need a dead woman, bodies piling up to realize that the fight against abuse is a fight for life?

True story now. I was a minor when I testified against my father and I mean, I was a minor! I have memories of my childhood very suppressed but I was somewhere between 10-12 years old. A psychiatrist who worked with my father stated that he is a man capable of killing. A trained specialist in his field described my father as a potential murderer. The police ignored us for years, there was actually a plot to get my sister and me away from my mom and we fought through everything, we got our day in court. Do you know what happened when 10-12 years old me stepped out of the judge’s room where I testified? My father was sitting there. The system that finally said “We are here to protect you before he kills you” let my severely violent father know that his underaged child was giving a testimony which will help to put him in prison. The fear I felt that day in something that cannot be described in words. For years I lived in fear of him escaping and killing the three of us. And just for the record, he did escape a few times from the facility where they held him after he got out of jail.

So these aggressions against women in the Epstein case by the system happen on a daily basis as well and why should women feel encouraged to step out or believe they have the right to protection if we are looking at pedophiles and rapists walking around freely while there are evidence and allegations against them?

I know that his coffee date has been a lot of WHY? But I believe you got my message. I am just here being 24 years old and still fighting my traumas, looking at this case and asking myself

When is this going to stop?

When are women going to have rights in reality, not just paper?

When will humanity be more important than money?

When will there be justice?

How many more victims are there?

How many more will there be?

Coffee Date with Luna: Inspiration in pain

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

Usually I intended for Coffee dates to be published each Saturday but here we are.

Yesterday I went to bed a bit early because I wanted to wake up early today but that didn’t work and I ended up spending a few hours overthinking and my thoughts came to my blog and my writing.

If you follow me, you know I haven’t been posting a lot of my original poetry lately and the reason for that is that right now I am very happy in my life. I have already noticed before that I have writer’s block when I am happy. Poetry and writing in general had always been an outlet for me, a way to let go of bad emotions and terrible experiences. When I come to periods such as this one when I am happy, I have things going well for me, that creative part of me just become blocked.

Do you experience this?

I know everyone has their way of writing but I got to thinking if this is toxic for me in a way. Would I ever sabotage myself and my happiness in order to write something? And yes, my brain likes to go to extremes when I am overthinking alone at night but this question has really been bothering me. How far would I be ready to go to break this writer’s block and can I unintentionally invite unhappiness and pain to my life just to find inspiration to write?

My mind was spinning a lot last night and I thought it would be best to read more and get in touch with art and poetry again to find a new source of inspiration. Do you have any good book recommendations to get me through this period?

Writing is something that has been with me through life, I have created my blog around it and I have connected with all of you thanks to poetry and I would hate to have to pick between my writing inspiration and my happiness.

Even though I am very happy currently, this part of me is missing and I think I would experience my feelings of joy more intense if I were able to write about them but I fail every time.

Tell me what you think about this, have you experienced this or any other type of writer’s block. Also, is there any subject you would like us to discuss in our Coffee Dates?

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

Coffee Date with Luna: Updates

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna! 

Usually, I have some specific theme I write about in these Coffee Dates but this is just a random life update. I have been away from the blog for a while now because I have been working in the office. As you know I have been working from home for a very, very long time and the past two weeks I have been back in Zagreb and in the office. Now I am going to work from home again. In order to have fewer people in the office we take turns every two weeks with work from home. 

This was one of the reasons why I was away from the blog. I was adapting to being out of quarantine, back in Zagreb and it just started feeling normal and then there was a spike in COVID-19 cases. Zagreb has the most cases in Croatia which was to be expected. A few days ago it became mandatory to wear a mask in public transportation and cabs. So there’s a little update on the COVID situation in Croatia, how are your countries doing? 

The quarantine in Croatia has ended because we managed to put the situation under control but also because it is the summer and the Croatian economy is centered around tourism.(VISIT CROATIA, GIVE US YOUR MONEY. jk). I am also planning to visit the coast this summer with my boyfriend.  This won’t be some YOLO vacation; we will keep safe and avoid large crowds of people. It will be more of a quiet vacation. We will go to the beach, maybe go to a restaurant for dinner because it’s my birthday soon and that will be about it. Nothing big, just taking some time away from Zagreb, my work, his university.   

These two weeks working in the office really benefited me when it comes to mental health. Since I travel with a tram to my work, I was scared of catching the virus but being in the office was so relaxing. I missed my work team, joking around with them. I was a lot less stressed about work since working from the office again because we can joke about work, talk, help each other out. Just being around people made it easier than it was while I was working from home. I am actually a bit sad because I won’t see them for three weeks because I will be working from home for a week and then I will go on vacation for two weeks.  

This is pretty much a little bit about my very boring life. Let me know in the comments how are you doing, what is the situation in your country, what is new with you? We haven’t had a coffee date for a long time. In the last Coffee Date you were all so supportive and kind and thank you very much for always being here for me. Also, some of you told me you would enjoy story times so I am currently working on that. I am also considering creating videos for story times, I think it would be interesting and a new hobby for me since I know nothing about creating videos. I was thinking to film a few on my phone and I know it won’t be best quality but I want to see if I can commit to this before considering buying a camera.  

I will stop talking now and be waiting for all of your comments, I’ll reply to everyone as soon as possible. Also, let me know what you would like to discuss next on our Coffee dates! 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

 

Coffee Date with Luna: 20 something crisis

Hello Everyone! 

It has been a long time since I just posted on the blog, had a talk with you or in this case, a cup of coffee. There is a reason for that. I have been going through a bit of a crisis that I do not know how to explain to myself or to others. 

I have a good job which keeps me financially stable, recently I met someone very special in my life, since I started working from home I have had more time to spend with my family, I have great friends and the list could go on about the things that are really going for me right now and still I am so miserable. There is a constant feeling of something missing in my life and it’s eating me away.  

I know that my career choices have a lot to do with my unhappiness. My goal in life was not and is not to be a customer service agent. I do like this job and I absolutely adore the people I am working with but there is still that feeling that something is missing. I have been in this career crisis on and off for the past 2 years and it’s a normal thing every 20something goes through but I can feel my mental health going to hell fast because I cannot cope with not having a purpose in life. Being aware of the fact that my degree is worthless and that no one wants to hire me in digital marketing because I have no fucking experience is not making this easy on me.  

Yesterday was my one year anniversary of working as a customer service agent. I have been feeling like shit for the last two weeks because I knew that I was reaching that one year at a job that was supposed to be temporary until I get my Digital Marketing certificate so that I can do something I am 100% invested in. But again there is this fear – what if I get into a Digital marketing agency and realize after some time that it’s not what I actually want? What if I just got that certificate to cover up for the fact that I dropped out of grad school without a fucking plan? 

As you can see, I am struggling which is why I haven’t been so active on the blog. I have had problems opening up to people about this because they either do not understand completely what I am saying or hit me with “Do you know how many people lost their job during quarantine and how many people are being paid less because of the COVID situation and how lucky you are right now?”  

Yes, I do know. 

I haven’t been fired, my job was never in question and there were no paycheck cuts in my firm. The only difference for us was that we had to work from home. That is it. Not a single person in the customer care center where I work felt the effects of quarantine when it comes to job security and money and this is amazing and I applaud the company for that.  

I don’t know if I am able to put this nicely, but I do not know how to feel okay and satisfied with my life just because others have it worse. Other people being in bad situations shouldn’t be a standard for me to feel good about myself and about my life but I have often felt under attack if I expressed any of these opinions out loud which made the struggle in my head even worse because it is all in my head. 

And then I opened up my laptop today and decided to write this mess out because this is my safe place and I often stray away from it when I’m in trouble but I am glad to be back. Thank you for putting up with my annoying rant about unhappiness. I know that our Coffee Dates are usually reserved for happy thoughts but I just had to get this off my chest. 

Please do let me know if you experienced similar issues and how did you deal with them? Let’s be the supportive WordPress community that we are.  

Also, we already passed 5,5k followers here on WordPress, my Poetry Bar inbox is full of your submissions so let me know if there’s any type of different content you would like to see on this blog. I publish from 3-5 Poetry Bar works daily, do you want more? Would you like for me to write about the current events, maybe to do story times, do you have some questions for me so we can do a Q&A type post. Tell me all of your wishes down in the comments because, honestly, I need some content ideas and working on this blog has always helped me work through my personal issues.  

I love you all, thank you for being so amazing and so supportive! 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

Coffee Date With Luna: Body Insecurities

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna! 

I am keeping the theme consistent with the last one and the theme is insecurities. In the last Coffee Date with Luna I decided to open up a bit about my skin and hair insecurities because insecurities are something many of us struggle with.  

One of the top insecurities people face with is linked to their body weight and body shape. We are terrorized by unrealistic beauty standards and it is in the human nature (unfortunately) to compare ourselves to those images, especially in the social media era.   

I am not a doctor, psychologist or any type of expert in the field so I will not be touching the subject of anorexia, mental health issues and obesity since I do not think other than experts should comment on this because people spread a lot of false information and negativity when they talk about things they are not educated on. 

I actually want to talk about my own insecurities about my body, weight, body shape. I struggled with it a lot. I was never overweight and, to be honest, I was underweight as a child because I had some eating issues which followed me up to puberty where I started gaining weight and my body got a certain shape. 

The thing that helped me through these insecurities was – love. It became my answer to everything and in this story it has two sides. 

With extra pounds, my insecurities started to pile on while I was in high school. I would often feel bad about not being thin, I would go on extreme diets and workout plans and developed a binge eating problem. I started to read a lot of books during high school, some of them were self help books, and without noticing the image I had about myself started to change when I got in touch with the concept of self-love. To be honest, I am still getting in touch with this concept every single day of my life. I am still struggling but I came to a point where I would never deprive my body of food or put myself on extreme workout plans I was too weak or unskilled to follow. Working out is great but going to an extreme can cause serious injuries, I should now.  

Self-love isn’t something you wake up with or can keep without making an effort. Self-love is about creating a relationship with yourself and we all know that relationships can be hard. You will have to work on it every single day. Self-love, bodywise, means choosing a healthy lifestyle instead of an extreme diet. It means loving yourself enough to feed your body with good food while not depriving it of some sweet cravings every now and then. You can work out to get abs while loving the chubby stomach you have now. This is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight.  

When you try to change your body while being fueled with hate or insecurities regarding your appearance, it will backfire on your mental health.  

As I got older, I actually became conscious of my body image issues when I started getting into my first serious relationships. My body insecurities messed with my mind and it affected my relationships because I was not comfortable with the idea of someone’s hands on me. That insecurity was not only toxic to me, but to the person I was with as well. During that time, I had accepted my body shape and implemented self-love into my life but I was just starting to realize that it wasn’t the reflection in the mirror I only had a problem with. My insecure mind created this image of how a person, in this case a boyfriend, will see me and my body and it scared me because that image was not very nice in my head.  

This is where the other side of love came to my rescue. A person I wrote many poems about, realized I would become very distant and would “wiggle” out of his hands very fast even when he wanted to only hug me. He actually realized my insecurities, and I will get really real with you now, when he noticed I would get anxious when my bra would be off. I was also insecure about being as flat as a board while everything else about me was chubby and round. I did not enjoy him putting his hand around me because I didn’t want him to feel I don’t have a flat stomach. He would sometimes lift me up while hugging me and I hated it because I thought I was too heavy for him to hold in the air. He felt those insecurities. 

He actually taught me that love will not see that what I see in the mirror. It took some time but he showed to me that love doesn’t judge and doesn’t walk around ready to measure me. Being with the wrong person, a person who judges you and tries to aggressively change you, will only feed into your insecurities. This is a good way of knowing is your relationship toxic or not. I think it is good, actually necessary, for the person who loves you to warn you about unhealthy habits etc., but actually criticizing someone and making them feel bad about themselves is toxic.  

To quote him: To my eyes you are perfect because I see more than your looks. I love every inch of you and that includes more than just skin and a body.  

At the end of the day, love is the answer to everything including our insecurities. You need to learn to love yourself and let others love you as well. Don’t tell yourself that no one will love you the way you are because there’s someone better. To the right person you are the best and you have to be the best for yourself.  

It’s all about love. 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

 

Coffee Date with Luna: Embrace your insecurities

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna! 

Today I would like to talk about insecurities, especially related to looks, because I have some and so do you. I honestly do not wish this episode of Coffee Date to be labeled as a girly episode because I think it’s discriminatory and feeds into the “macho man” narrative where men cannot have insecurities and talk openly about them because they have to “man up”. If you believe any of that stereotype nonsense, this is not the blog for you.  

Mostly, when someone brings up insecurities people first think about a few pounds they would like to lose. I had insecurities tied to my weight and body shape for a long time and it took a lot of work to get rid of them completely. I can say that today, with my 23 years, I feel very comfortable with my few extra pounds, not so defined curves and over all I just feel very comfortable in my body. If you’d like me to do a separate post about body insecurities and how I coped with them, do tell me in the comments. 

My biggest insecurities begin from the shoulders up – my face and my hair. When I say my face, I am not saying I think I am ugly. I am actually referring to my skin and my acne problem. It all started a few years back while I was at university. I have problems with my thyroid and the issues escalated one summer to the points where I started taking medication for it. My hormones were all over the place. This caused the outbreak of hormonal acne and I lost more that 20% of my hair.  

I used to have volume in my hair and it was slightly wavy because I actually had curly hair as a little girl. In one summer I lost all of that. My hair became lifeless, flat and it gets greasy in a matter of hours after washing. When I would dry it and run my hand through it, I would end up with a fistful of hair. I actually cried a few times while drying my hair because it was just hard to watch my hair fall out so aggressively. Doctors weren’t helping at all.  

And then the acne came. Doctors weren’t helping at all still. I understand it’s hard to fight such issues but I felt so awful and angry at my doctors. I gave up makeup for a solid year and a half. To this day I still refuse to wear makeup on a daily basis and put it on only for special purposes or nights out and that is hard. These acnes break out on my chin mostly, they are very red or white and my face gets very red and has that greasy shine. It is not comfortable to walk around like that especially not in a world that glorifies perfection and we live under the false social media standard of beauty. They are not around all the time, that’s the thing with hormonal acne – they break out during different parts of the month. It is a very disgusting feeling to wake up in the morning with a painful face. These acne actually hurt.  

Some of you follow me on Instagram @luna.theblog and are probably thinking that I am making this up. I am not, but on my IG pics I am mostly wearing makeup and you can’t really see my face. There are some pics, better said selfies, where if you zoom in you can see the imperfections under my foundation. My insecurities are very much visible in the fact that I never posted a makeup-less picture to my social media. That’s how much I do not like looking at my face skin. I do not photoshop my photos but I do wear makeup while taking them.  

I was told many times that I am so confident because I don’t put makeup on when going to work or grabbing a cup of coffee with friends etc. I am not confident but I do not speak loudly about it because I am scared of people then paying too much attention to my face skin. The rational part of my brain know that this wouldn’t happen. People are not standing around me judging my lifeless hair and hormonal acne and the rational part of me knows this but this is the thing about insecurities. They mess with the rational part of our brain.  

This is why you need to talk about them at least with yourself or on a blog like, well, me. Rationalize with yourself and do what’s best for you. I don’t wear makeup because it makes my skin worse and it took a lot of rationalizing to come to the point where I feel comfortable being makeup free on the daily. You have to learn how to put your own well-being ahead of people’s opinion and that voice that whispers in your ear. Giving up and giving in to your insecurities can harm your mental health and you could literally harm yourself because mostly our insecurities are about our body and the way we look. If you feed into your insecurities you will consider yourself not good enough, not lovable and people and companies who know how to manipulate your insecurities to their advantage will use them against you. I feel like I am building a conspiracy theory, but I believe you know what I am talking about. Expensive beauty procedures, strict diets, depression… The list goes on and it’s terrifyingly long (like this post) 

If you are insecure about your body or something else, it’s okay to try and change it but don’t forget to love it in the process. You can accept and love yourself while trying to change yourself.  

I could literally write on and on about this issue but I think it’s time to stop. If you would like to read more about this topic, just leave it in the comments below and also feel free to share your ideas for other Coffee Date posts. Don’t forget to let me know in the comments what do you think about this post, how do you handle your insecurities and how have you been lately. 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

Coffee Date with Luna

Hello everyone and welcome to the first Coffee Date with Luna!

Like my cup says, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE AND MORE COFFEE!

Today, I will actually be recreating a post I did last year around this time and it’s in regards to being grateful. This year I had a really lovely Christmas with my family which is not something I thought possible 10 years ago. I was very open an honest about my domestic abuse story. My father was an alcoholic and he had mental health issues and he would beat us up, verbally abuse us and the cops were no strangers to us even on Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning. I don’t want to get into this story, I have a few posts about it but it’s important for this now.

So instead of being locked up in a room with my mother and sister with little food to eat and no Christmas tree this year we had two Christmas trees, happiness, freedom, a lot of food and we even went to Church together. I am not a person that goes to church but I know it’s important to my mom and I am happy she got that wish fulfilled this year.

As someone who grew up in domestic abuse and borderline poverty I never thought I would have a job that paid well, an apartment, a bachelor’s degree and all of the other things I have today. To be quite honest, I am grateful I made it out alive from my childhood.

Here’s where my copying of the last year post comes to life. Since the end of the year is close, let’s be grateful. We did this last year, remember?

I would like you to list things you are grateful for in your life in the comments and, for this year’s edition of gratefulness, you can also write down your goal or goals for the upcoming year. Let’s spread some love, positivity, support and gratefulness in that comment section!

I am going to start with the things I am grateful for this year: my family, my jobs, having the courage to pursue a different career path, all of you lovely followers here on Luna, walking away from people who were bad for my mental health, ummmmm… If I have some more, I’ll add in the comments.

My goals for 2020: building a career in digital marketing, working on myself as a person, strengthening our community here on Luna.

Let me hear you now! I can’t wait to read what you are grateful for and what your goals are for 2020. Since, like I did last year, I will make a blog post before New Year with all of your comments, make sure to also leave your blog link in the comment so I can tag you on our Gratitude post 2019!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna