It’s hard to write today

Today is a hard day to write something and I don’t have any backup writing for days like this. Last night, around 11, I came back to Zadar. It was so hard for me to leave my family and my BFF Isabella. It’s not that I got too used to being at home, it’s that Zadar is not where I want to be anymore.

I already addressed this problem in my post I got my Bachelor’s degree and today I’m just dealing with some bad feelings about being back in Zadar and about going back to the university. I just don’t think it’s the right path for me. Despite being completely aware of needing a time off from the university and exploring my options I decided to enroll to grad school because I was just scared that if I take a year off I won’t be able to find a job or that I will just fail. Honestly, I feel so bad about letting fear control me and for making me take this decision I knew I didn’t want to take from the start.

It’s not that I’m completely stuck. I actually applied for a job in the UK. There is this agency from Slovenia that recruits people to go and work abroad. My first meeting is this week and I’m really nervous about it. I hope they’ll like me and call me for a second meeting. It would be lifesaving for me to find a job in the UK or in any other country in Europe because I have this overwhelming feeling that I just need to change something, get out of Croatia, break this routine I’m in.

So, sorry if I just rambled on here but I told myself I will always be honest on my little blog and that’s what I did today. If I get some inspiration I will publish something later in the evening. I am just taking this day to get my mind straight and to prepare for my first lectures tomorrow. If any of you have some advice or experiences with this type of situation feel free to leave a comment or send me a message on my social media.

Love you all!

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My final is tomorrow

My final Spanish exam is tomorrow and I started to study way to late and now I’m kind of panicking. I have today to catch up on a lot of stuff and I am just so, so scared. I already have my bachelors in Italian and now I need to get this one but I’m going crazy.

I hope everything will go well and I’m only comforting myself with the fact that I can take the exam again next Friday but that is the last time this year I can take it. If I fail tomorrow and the next week then I am pretty much, pardon my French, screwed.

If anyone has some tips on how to study faster or some advice send it to me, comment it, DM me, do anything just heeeelp!

Link to the article  BAD FEMALE, GO TO YOUR ROOM (and escape through the damn window): https://www.ebay.com/itm/352457536757

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Sunday – bookday

Sunday – bookday

I know I haven’t really been in touch with you lately but I really had a lot on my plate, from exams to some personal issues. Currently I’m enjoying my tea and watching cartoons like a real adult before diving into my books. Just three more exams and the war is over.

But a next war begins right after and it’s called a new semester and finding a new job. I stopped working as a waitress so now I have to find something else to do. I really liked working as a waitress and all but honestly some bosses are just stressful so I think I’ll try and find some other type of job, perhaps in a store. I used to work at Zara and I loved working in their storage because I didn’t have to deal with sometimes annoying customers. I do like people but sometimes people can be very rude while shopping, like it’s my fault they don’t fit into those jeans.

Anyways, I’m rambling to much! Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday. I think I’ll watch an episode of How to Get Away with Murder and then it’s down to the books. Love you!

 

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Dead spot

Dead spot

I refer to this place I’m in right know
as to a dead spot. I’ve been on this dead spot
for years,  no movement forward or backwards.
the same shit, every day, for years.

I bang my head into a wall thinking it will bring
me clarity because no right answer in my life
came from happiness. It always came from pain.
Nothing happened. I just have a red mark on my
forehead now. Guess the pain isn’t working anymore.

But that one great thing is coming. I know it is. I’ve been
waiting for it for years. High school graduation, university,
boyfriends, new job, new meditation… I thought all of these
things were that one big thing, but I was wrong. And I was wrong
one too many times and now the doors are shut and the windows
are so small I can’t crawl out and I’m stuck here on this dead spot
and I’m trying and I’m pretending I know where I’m going and the
key word here is “I” because it’s just me here, I’m alone here.

I did this to myself. I got me here and I don’t know how to get out.
I don’t know how to ask for help. I can’t find that one big thing,
that great change. Maybe I am the thing that needs to change.
Who am I?

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Quote

Give yourself perimission to live a big life. Step into who you are meant to be. Stop playing small. You’re meant for great things.

Here’s some morning inspiration for all of you. I’ve been reading some inspirational quotes and listened to some inspirational songs just to get the strenght to sit down and study but it’s not helping. I just need to grab my book, grab some coffee and a kleenex for my tears and get this party started. #iwanttodie

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Procaffeinating

Procaffeinating

coffee

Morning guys! So I woke up, had some oat meal and now I’m drinking my too strong for other people-no sugar-black as my soul coffee and literally I’m panicking over here. My last semester didn’t go as I planned and I still have three more exams to take and I’m freaking out because no matter how much I study I just constantly have the feeling I’ve done nothing.

I hope this feeling will go away with time because it’s making a terrible influence on my concentration and will power to study. I seriously hope you’re having a better Monday than me and if you have some advices on increasing my concentration level or generally some study tips feel free to share them with me! Have a great week!

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