Poem #250

You are asking too much of me.
I don’t have the words to write anymore,
you drained the author in me.
If love cannot be described in verses
is it even love anymore?
Let me go, I need to find new ground.
A poet without inspiration is like a sea
without salt, it isn’t natural.
Let me go, I need to find a place where
my words can be safe again.

Poem #76

I feel like screaming in silence
just to let the world know I am
still out there. Maybe someone
will look for me, maybe someone
collects lost souls and provides
them with a home.

Poem #34

I decided to stop writing about you a bunch of times already. I never went through with my decision because I was just so scared that in the absence of you in my mind no one else will be good enough to spark this power that makes me pick up a pen and write. You were always more than just my love.

 

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BAD FEMALE

Again, shamelessly commercializing my little article on Ebay about females and the ways I “fail” at being one.

Don’t let Judgmental Judy tell you that you should know how to do something just because you are a woman. You can do whatever you want and also you don’t have to do whatever it is that you don’t want to do! If you enjoy having take-out and eating out, then do that. If you want to use your fridge as a storage unit for frozen meals and wine, do that! If you enjoy spending hours in the kitchen preparing meals and inventing new recipes, do that (and also send me some food since I don’t know how to prepare it). Don’t let them tell you that you suck at being a female just because you don’t have a certain skill Judgmental Judy thinks you should have…

Link to the article  BAD FEMALE, GO TO YOUR ROOM (and escape through the damn window): https://www.ebay.com/itm/352457536757

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BAD FEMALE, GO TO YOUR ROOM (and escape through the damn window)

Women are so bombarded by standards about their looks, career, obligations, purpose, relationships that most of us feel as if we were inadequate for our role of being a woman. Actually we are made to believe there is actually a role to be played and this isn’t only true for women. Men go through the same thing but since I was born with a vagina, I will speak from my perspective.

***

Here I will list things that according to the standards make me bad and inadequate to be a female and to express people’s opinions I will use my trusty friend that I just made up called “Judgmental Judy”.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have never had a long lasting relationship. Most of my relationships end after three months and I absolutely suck at relationships. Judy thinks there’s something wrong with me because I can’t hold on to a relationship for long. She tried to find answers to the question what’s wrong with me in my horoscope and my parent’s failed marriage. Let me just bitch slap you Judy and explain something to other females who are similar to me. Don’t ever think you are missing out on something for choosing to be single.

***

I will stop here with this writing. Every female knows what this is like because we all have our own personal Judgmental Judy. I wrote an article under this name and listed it on ebay so you can jump over there and purchase it for only 1$. It’s short and cheap so I really hope you will give it a go and come back here and tell me in the comments if you agree with me!

Link to the article: https://www.ebay.com/itm/352457536757

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Sunday – bookday

I know I haven’t really been in touch with you lately but I really had a lot on my plate, from exams to some personal issues. Currently I’m enjoying my tea and watching cartoons like a real adult before diving into my books. Just three more exams and the war is over.

But a next war begins right after and it’s called a new semester and finding a new job. I stopped working as a waitress so now I have to find something else to do. I really liked working as a waitress and all but honestly some bosses are just stressful so I think I’ll try and find some other type of job, perhaps in a store. I used to work at Zara and I loved working in their storage because I didn’t have to deal with sometimes annoying customers. I do like people but sometimes people can be very rude while shopping, like it’s my fault they don’t fit into those jeans.

Anyways, I’m rambling to much! Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday. I think I’ll watch an episode of How to Get Away with Murder and then it’s down to the books. Love you!

 

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Cigarettes

Like this cigarette, you are my vice and even though
you poisoned me you made me feel alive.
Like a cigarette I burned out. Your arrival
will be the fire – come here and light me up.

Like a cigarette

I wrote this little piece for a certain person a while ago and I remembered it today because I’ve quit smoking due to some health issues and I’ve been cigarette free for 20 days now. I know it’s a nasty habit and I’m glad I’m managing all of this well. I remember always writing with a cigarette in my mouth, I thought I couldn’t do it without them but I kicked the habit! Check out the whole poem clicking here.

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You can’t be owned

You are a woman. Put a smile on your face, be sweet and kind, show emotions and be a stereotype we need you to be or we will call you insane, we will call you coldhearted and we will make you believe that there is something wrong with you just because you refuse to fall in the line.

We created these standards for you as a woman to live by and we’ve sent him to make you believe you are something to be owned. He will try to brainwash you and rip out every limb of your free will. He will make you believe that the torture you are going through is a life you deserve, he will make you believe that you were born to walk behind him, he will make you believe that it’s necessary for you to live under his fist and he will hide his intentions with a few nice gestures made to make you feel like a queen without knowing that your kingdom is your very special circle of hell. And if you complain and if you try to get out you will be the woman who cried abuse, the woman who cried rape, the woman who just cried and they will make you remember that this is a man’s world.

He will make a shell out of you. He will make you believe the only thing you have to offer is your body and that the only worth you have is between your legs. He will beg you to get down on your knees for him just so that you would be beneath him and look at him as the king on a throne he believes himself to be. If you don’t bow down to his authority he will place your head up against a wall and press on your neck until you feel the air disappearing from your lungs and he will do it just so you would feel the pain he allegedly felt when he realized that he can’t own you. He will make you believe that the pain he’s putting you through is only there to punish you for not loving him, not satisfying his needs, not being the stereotype he wanted you to be. He will break your bones and your will just because he needs a puppet on a string which will dance around him so he wouldn’t feel alone.

When you show no weakness, when you put on a poker face, when you decide to protect your body and soul from hitting the ground and when you walk away he will make you believe that you have a stone instead of a heart just because you were unable to give him what he needs. He will tell you that you have no conscience and he will try to force a feeling of guilt on you just so he could make your mind weaker, put you in shackles and drag you wherever he wants as if you were a display piece.

No matter what he tells you or how much he hurts you just remember this: “Your mind belongs to you and so does your body. There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with him because he is in a fight which only exists in his head and he doesn’t understand he can’t get a revenge based on you not bowing down to his needs. He can pretend to be a king and he can pretend to be strong but he will never be as  strong as a woman that claimed ownership of her life when she was standing in front of a firing squad.”

Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made. Forgive him. Forgive all of them because you don’t need the poison of resentment and hatred in your soul. Let him fire all the shots at you because his ammo will disappear one day and he will be left with that voice in his head screaming: “There was no war to be fought! She is a human being, she is not a toy! The place in which her soul lies is a body, not a boxing bag! You were never her master, you were an oppressor!”

Who is he in reality? Your father, your husband or someone else?

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