I have never been this scared in my life. I have been through shit but standing on the second floor of a building during another earthquake that devastated a whole city in Croatia is a different kind of scared. The scared when your legs are not firmly on the ground and you cannot run but you are waiting for the ceiling to crash down.
What has happened today is even more devastating than the earthquake from the beginning of the year in Zagreb. This one was 30x more stronger. I just heard glasses and everything around me shaking and I stood calm in my kitchen thinking it’s a minor earthquake and then it didn’t stop and it got worse. I tried to hold myself for a door frame but I couldn’t find any balance. I was alone in the apartment and my brain just went into some type of autopilot. I did not think about what I was doing, like I had no conscious control over my body but something inside of me was reacting under emergency. I unlocked the door, leaned against a wall and started going down the stairs. Everyone was out. Whole cities were out.
Just when I walked out of my building I saw my mom heading towards me. That’s when it hit me. The ground underneath our feet is still shaking. The sirens of the cars went off and then the sirens of the fire department went off. Get out. Just everyone get out. I couldn’t reach my sister, my brother-in-law, my boyfriend. The lines were down immediately after the earthquake, no internet, no phone, no electricity in some cities. No way to know if people who you love were actually alive and well.
I got through to my family and boyfriend after the longest 10 minutes of my life and then the news and the pictures and the videos started to flood the internet. The city Petrinja devastated, houses collapsed, the military and fire department were trying to pull people out of the ruins. A child was the first victim.
Once more, just a few months after the first earthquake, a country that will not sleep.
The police, the military, ambulances, doctors and volunteers are out on the streets and people across Croatia are offering their apartments to the victims to put a roof over their heads.
I don’t have any more words. This morning I was filming a vlog, cleaning the house, trying to make lunch and then I was out on the rain in slippers listening to sirens and watching more and more people run to the streets. My brain is still trying to process what has happened. There is this strange feeling in my knees and in my gut, like my body is under constant alert waiting to run out again. Every five minutes I am convinced that I can feel everything shaking.
I went with my mom to give our donations for Petrinja and now I am in the apartment just trying to learn how to control this fear and control my mind.
I will keep you all in my thoughts and we will get through this.
Pray for Croatia <3