#savingme – Shame, shame

This is the hardest post I’ve made so far.

Shame is a hard topic for me. I hate parts of myself and I am working on healing them, but honestly it has not been easy for me.

I spent years feeling ashamed and alone. I had this idea in my head that if I let anyone get close, they would inevitably hurt me. I fought against myself. I would run away from relationships or I would let someone in and then push them away.

I started to add more Shame on top of the shame I already had. I started drinking to numb the pain, and all that did was cause more pain. I was stuck in a vicious cycle.

It wasn’t until a counselor told me that I had it all wrong, did I really start to understand the root of my fears. He taught me about transferred emotions. An idea that was foreign to me.


He explained that when we are young, under the age of 10 or so we don’t understand what shame is. Yes we know the difference between right and wrong. We can feel bad about something and scared of being punished, but at that age, shame is something we can only feel if it is transferred to us by someone else’s actions.

This is not to say you can’t have emotions transferred to you as an adult, you certainly can and it happens all the time.

For me it was the daily abuse, and eventually sexual abuse (at the age of 7),that I suffered from. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I truly understood what happened. I felt dirty and unclean.

I kept asking myself questions:

Why did this happen to me?

Was I a bad kid?

Did I even deserve to live?

The last thought plagued my mind for almost 15 years and still surfaces now and then.


I don’t know if I’ll ever be fully healed, but at least I am trying. One thing I have figured out, is that I am not to blame for my abuse. There was nothing I could have done to change what happened, it wasn’t my fault.

I did make some choices that I am not proud of, and while I probably made some of these choices because of my trauma, they were still my decisions.

I am making amends with my choices in the best way I can, by being a better person. I have been sober for years and while there have been some slip ups, I have never stopped trying to be a better person.

I hope this helps other people who have gone through, or are going through similar situations. While writing this is harder than I thought it would be, it definitely makes me feel better than I thought it would.

So, if anyone out here has been through verbal, mental, physical or sexual abuse, it’s not your fault.

People make choices and no one has the right to abuse you, and you don’t have the right to transfer that emotion on to another, just because you were abused.

Abuse is never an option and you deserve better.

Blog: https://oneregulardad.home.blog/


#savingme is the column where abuse victims can publish their experiences just to let go and find comfort and support. Maybe it doesn’t feel like much but just publishing your story for others to read makes you strong. You can send your story about the abuse you went through to savingmestory@gmail.com and you can choose if you want it to be anonymous or not. More details here. 

Positivity Press #34

Each day, we should look for ways to practice random acts of kindness.  Challenge No. 1 is to practice an intentional act of kindness that could make a profound difference for someone.  Visit the site http://www.cardsforhospitalizedkids.com/ to see how you can get involved with this charity that provides a little act of kindness that means a whole lot!

Challenge No. 2 is that it will require you to apply your writing skills.  Check out their section on making cards for specific details. http://www.cardsforhospitalizedkids.com/make-general-cards.html Note that the message needs to focus on the child as a whole, rather than their illness.  To write a card like this is harder than you think.

It’s really not expensive.  Shop at the dollar store and pick up some cards, write your note and send off a whole batch.  Costs less than a cup of coffee, and think of how happy you will make some very deserving children.

Thanks for considering this as an intentional act of kindness that takes very little time or money, and means the world to a child.

Written by: Candice Vicha


If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Positivity Press – GUEST POST WANTED!

Hello world!

This is probably going to be a very long post, so buckle up! So I want to start this by saying how grateful I am for your support and the love you’ve given me since I took my blog seriously and started to publish every day. When I reached 1000 subscribers I created The Poetry Bar as a way to give back to the community that has given me so much and I promised myself that I am going to make a new project like that every time I reach a new milestone in followers. I’ve reached it a while ago. I have 2575 of you beautiful souls following me and A MASSIVE THANKS FOR THAT but I haven’t made a new project because I didn’t have an idea what to do. I DO NOW!

In my post I’m drained I’ve shared with you that lately I have been struggling with some really bad feelings and that I’ve hit a rough patch in my life that has affected my blog as well. I have neglected my blog, my followers and The Poetry Bar. You have shown me massive support on that post and I felt such a wave of emotions hitting me as I was reading your comments that I was left speechless and trust me that’s a hard thing to do because I always have something to say.

I am still drained, I am still struggling and trying to get back on my feet. In this journey I realized one thing. While I was sinking in my pool of negative emotions I was also surrounded by negative news, comments, emotions and posts. The media, social networks etc. everything was flooded with negativity and it was impacting me as well as the negative emotions I was feeling about myself and my life in general and then it hit me – let’s create a POSITIVITY PRESS! Something like a newspaper of positivity but online.

This is my new project for the new milestone. This is how I envisioned it. You can send in positive news and things you see on the daily basis to help spread positivity in the world. We always hear people raising awareness about different subjects but we rarely see someone raising awareness about the positivity surrounding us. Write down a few words about something positive that you’ve seen or heard. You can also put in the link to your blog if you have one or just put down your name. When I say positivity this is what I mean:

– if you volunteer and you are excited about it send in a few words about it and a picture if you want of you doing good work

– if you got a promotion you worked hard for, passed a difficult test

– if your kids did something adorable today

– if you know about a charity that does great work

– if you are photographer and took a photo that can brighten someone’s day send it in

– if you spend your weekend in a great way and want to share it send it in

– if you found an amazing song that makes you want to shake what your momma gave you send it in and we’ll shake together

– if the weather is amazing send in a picture of you enjoying it

– if you did something you were scared of doing for the first time, like hitting the gym, send in a picture and describe how great you feel

– if you got a new haircut, share it with us and send a picture of yourself smiling

– if you were ill and now got better, tell us about the happiness you’re experiencing as your health came back

Quite literally send in anything that makes you happy because it will make someone else happy as well. Positivity is something we need in a world that can get really dark and negative. Positivity also has a great impact on our mental health so why not create a corner where you can come and only read positive news.

Tell me in the comments what you think about this new project I want to launch. In hopes it will succeed I already created the email address to which you can send in your positivity news and share your positive vibes! The email address is: postpositivity@gmail.com


Put your own oxygen mask

In the past few months my life went from comfortable to everything I thought it will never be. In just a few short months I got my Bachelor’s, got into grad school, dropped out, came home after three years of living alone and became a waitress collecting her tuition fee for a private university. That’s a lot to happen in a few months.

Since the day I started to realize I was unhappy about my life, while I was still at my university, I encountered a big problem I used to struggle with as a kid while my abusive father was living with us. My panic attacks were back. It was overwhelming. It was scary. It was also a big, fucking neon sign that said “GET OUT!”.

In these few months I realized the importance of one very simple sentence everyone heard if they were ever on a plane (I was actually never on a plane). The sentence goes: First put your own oxygen mask.

There is so much meaning in this sentence and I guess I, myself, had to go through a bunch of problems, get my panic attacks again to realize I have chosen to take that oxygen mask off and deprive myself of air for so long. I was completely neglecting myself just to make everyone else happy and maintain a certain image about myself because I thought and was taught all my life that I had to do everything to come off as a well put-together person. I was also taught that a university degree is the only road to success, that other peoples’ opinions matter the most etc. I was force fed a lot of bullshit through my life and I am here to tell you to slap that damn oxygen mask on your face.

Stop suffocating yourself and stop making yourself small in order to fit in with some worthless standards our societies and upbringing have made us follow. If you are not happy with yourself, not only are you hurting yourself but you are hurting the people who care about you. When you are in a bad place in your life for a longer period of time you can’t be the person, child, mother, sister, worker, friend, girlfriend, boyfriend that you actually want to be. If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else or make anyone else happy.

Also, if you sacrifice your happiness and wellbeing to make others happy and satisfied with time you will start to resent them and blame them for your own unhappiness. Let me just get this clear. It’s not their damn fault, it’s yours and you need to own up to your mistakes. It was your choice to sacrifice your mental health to make someone else happy. Don’t drown yourself in sorrow now – TAKE ACTION!

Get yourself out of that dark place, find your oxygen mask and put it on. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. Make yourself the person you want to be so that you could be the person people you care about need. Put yourself first and, I can’t stress this out enough, that is not selfish. Your happiness and mental health are just as important as everyone else’s and it depends on you.

To repeat again (I feel like a parrot): First, put your own oxygen mask!

Poem #22

I am hiding under the covers. Why don’t
you come here and keep me safe. The world
is trying to wake up my bad side and I’m scared
I’ll never be able to go back. There’s something
lurking in the shadows, getting ready to attack
at any given chance.


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If the walls could talk

If the walls could talk

If these walls could talk, they would have so much to say.

They would tell a story which we wouldn’t believe because
things like that don’t happen in our neighborhood, this
is a good neighborhood. A story we wouldn’t believe to
be true because things like that only happen on TV, only
to people we don’t know, the people we know don’t
live these stories.

If these walls could talk, they wouldn’t talk. They would scream.

The walls would scream but you didn’t and you still aren’t.
Don’t let anyone hear what’s happening, don’t seek for help
because no one will believe you and it could only get worse if the
cops take him away because he will return and then seconds
will be a matter of life and death. If you seek help he will place
his hands around your neck and your daughter’s neck and her
daughter’s neck and he will suffocate a generation of women but
he will suffocate it even if you scream so why are you still
holding your breath?

If these walls could talk, they wouldn’t talk. They would cry.

Well that’s the thing you have in common with the walls hiding your
misery. You cry. You cry over your daughters fragile life as you put
her to sleep, you cry hugging your son hoping he will never have the
courage to stand up to him and end up killed, you cry under the shower
so no one would hear. You cry when you fall down the stairs and you
laugh while you tell your friends that you fell down the stairs because
things like that happen behind crying walls. No one will notice your shame.

If these walls could talk, they wouldn’t talk. They would bleed.

And you too bleed every time you realize you’re living oppressed by
that filthy beast. Why are you holding your tears and hiding your
wounds? Show them to the world because if you don’t that sad
destiny will be your daughter’s destiny because she will mistake
violence for love. If you don’t teach her she has the right to live
and breathe and fight she might never learn it herself
and she just might end up hiding her bruises as well.

Who will talk first – the walls or the women?

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Sore losers

Sore losers

Don’t be a sore loser in the battle with yourself because that battle is the most important one you will ever lead. Throughout life we lose a lot – family members, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends etc., and every time we lose someone our personality gets divided into two parts.

There is the weak part of us that is grieving and then there is the pretend strong part of us trying to fix the situation as soon as possible and that pretend strong part of us is a sore loser. I’m not the one to put in a good word for people being weak but in situations like this one must let the weakness live in him and control it.

We need to learn how to heal ourselves on our own. For example, the most common loss we experience are breakups. We lose a boyfriend or a girlfriend and, without being aware of it, we lose a part of ourselves with them. Every relationship we are in makes a part of us and the person we are with becomes one part of us. We give them something, we can never get back and once that person leaves that part of us leaves with them and what do we do then? We find another person to fill that void, to be the missing puzzle and that is a sign of us being sore losers.

Jumping from one person to another will only break more parts from you and you won’t only have a few voids, you will be a great emptiness. You will let people come and go , taking parts from you until you end up with nothing.

Facing loss is hard but losing yourself is harder on a longer term.

When you lose someone, you need to admit to yourself that you lost. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you lost and then cry, scream, run, sleep, do anything that will help you accept that fact. Don’t let your weakness and grieve overwhelm you, but let it be there. Letting go and suffering is sometimes the best way to heal yourself and to become stronger. Each day you will get better and that void you feel will start filling itself with memories of the person you lost and you will learn to cherish that loss and all of those nice memories without holding a grudge. You are able to become your own doctor and to patch yourself up.

Don’t use other people to fill your emptiness because they are not building material you can use when you think you need to. Other people have feelings too. Instead of jumping from one relationship to another, from one friendship to another, looking for a person that will love you, learn to love yourself and learn to be your own building material.

Sometimes loneliness is the best way to discover everything you really need. Just take some time off. Read good books, watch good movies, take care of you body, workout, spoil yourself and fall in love with yourself because love from others comes after self-love.

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