Poem #239

Can’t you see it’s still me behind this mask.
I thought you would see through this version of me.
Just believe there are good intentions behind this.
I know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions
but I am paving my road back to me. Can’t you hear
these tired steps that I am taking?

#savingme – Solace and Sanity

Your hand released
Everything changed
Family extracted
Like I never existed

Lost

Little girl
Tear filled eyes
Stains down on her cheeks
Scars across her tiny body

Prisoner

Love, a foreign dream
Comfort, no such thing
Tragedy, encompassed grief

Suffering

Those dark brown eyes
Concealing what they have seen
Visual antipathy

Broken

Little smile
Pasted on perfectly
Something she learned
Authentic joy a mystery

Alone

Separated siblings
Mix and Match despite their feelings
Disposed of completely

Abandoned

Another child
Made to pay the price
Adult responsibilities
Addiction’s insanity

Violence

Seven years old
Lifetime of misery
Wise beyond belief
Desperately pursuing stability

Acceptance

Running to escape memories
Desperate for harmony
Just a little safety and peace

Solace

Wonderment in simple things
Never taking each breath for granted
Every day a new opportunity

Admiring

Thoughts infiltrating
Positive healing
Complete tranquility

Sunrise

Lost in the majestic beauty
Embraced by strength
Smile on her face
Kissed by the sunlight
Absolute comfort

Serenity

Blog: https://thebrokeninsideofme.com/

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#savingme is the column where abuse victims can publish their experiences just to let go and find comfort and support. Maybe it doesn’t feel like much but just publishing your story for others to read makes you strong. You can send your story about the abuse you went through to savingmestory@gmail.com and you can choose if you want it to be anonymous or not. More details here. 

Positivity Press #55 – HOW MY DOG HELPED ME CONNECT WITH MY NEIGHBORS

I’ve only spent about a year in the colony I’m currently living in and I usually greet and meet people that I know personally or through my family. Apart from that, I didn’t usually greet anyone I passed by.
I used to walk alone everyday in my colony in the evening and I didn’t communicate with anyone I passed by with. They weren’t interested in me and I wasn’t keen in annoying their daily routine. I like greeting everyone but when I see that the person I greet didn’t acknowledge me, I feel so embarrassed and weird as if it’s my fault or I should’ve spoken louder. So in a way, I was quite isolated from a large percentage of my colony.

However, when I got a dog and I’d take her out for a walk everyday, so many people noticed and acknowledged me (actually my dog). Children would jump around us excitedly, nervously call my dog and then run away when my dog responded, children and adults nervously tried to pet the dog, asked her name, what she ate, when I got her, etc. Even if the questions were about my dog, I was the one communicating with them and answering their questions. As days went by, they asked about me and I asked about them. Hence, I got to meet and listen to different kinds of people which I love to do. I love hearing about other people’s lives and their experiences, which I would probably never have experienced if I walked alone since my dog is a people-magnet.

I also started greeting other people like regular walkers, people walking their dogs, guards, etc. I also removed whatever litter I could from the ground, so my connection with people as well as my environment increased.

One day, I passed by an old lady who stopped me to say that my dog has such an adorable face. She called her granddaughter who ran excitedly to pet her. After petting her, she looked at me with a huge smile telling me my dog is so cute. The fact that the old lady was afraid of the dog and yet, didn’t stand far from it and let her granddaughter pet it showed her beautiful personality. Just because she was afraid of being touched by a dog, perhaps due to being told so when she was younger, didn’t mean that she had to make anyone else be afraid of it.

A lot of people aren’t afraid of cats but they are taught or conditioned to be afraid of dogs so every time I walk my dog, many people move aside from it or tell me to move it aside. I get it if they have allergies but otherwise, they are amongst Allah’s beautiful creatures which do not possess a shred of evil in them. I’d rather avoid certain types of people than animals, no matter how vicious and scary they looked, because people in their fear of animals tend to due brutal things to them just because they fear or are disgusted by them. Animals are much more peaceful and sane, and they just run away when they fear someone. Thus, when I observed that old lady admiring my dog, I felt a wave of comfort and peace in my heart from knowing that there are people in this world who try their level best to be kind to animals. It’s an obvious act of kindness and love but whenever I see it, it always looks beautiful.

The next day, yesterday, she invited me to her house and we talked for quite a while and I genuinely had a fun time talking to her, learning about her and her family’s life. There is perhaps no better joy than communicating with lovely, sane people.

So to answer your question, yes. I derived all this when I took my dog out for a walk.

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My name is Andale Seaworne. I’m a regular 20 year old Muslim Pakistani girl navigating through life, sharing knowledge and opinion related to different topics in life from basic moral values with relevance to Islamic teachings to travelling, books, food, personal experiences, observations, interpretations and anything that comes to my mind (in a series of bubbles).

Positivity Press #54

Hi! My name is Holly and I’m the author of Holly’s World. Despite anything negative, I (usually) try to have a good outlook on life! Sometimes it’s hard, but I always find my way back! You can find my posts and pages here: photographybyhcmorris77.com

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Positivity Press #52

Drifting assiduity
Groggy reflections
Purposeful stillness
Silencing

Meticulously surrendering

Mindfulness
Such rawness in the void
Profound lucidity

Reminding me

Truth
Love
Purpose
The answers
Complete serenity

All Reside within me

Symbolization attained amidst faded dreams

Blog: https://thebrokeninsideofme.com/

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If you want to share positivity here at The Positivity Press send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Be kind to yourself

We hear phrases such as “Listen to your gut” or “Love yourself” everywhere. They are screaming off social media platforms, life coaches use them, we see them written everywhere but do we really grasp the concept of being kind to oneself and loving oneself and listening to our gut?

As always, I’ll start from experience. A few months back I got my bachelors in Italian and Spanish philology. There I was, all proud of myself for finishing the three years without failing one single class, with a title in front of my name and then the time came for me to start my masters which would have taken me two years to finish. That feeling… I’ll never forget that feeling. Every time I thought about going back to my university, spending hours in classes, studying, preparing for exams… It made me want to die. I had extreme panic attacks. My gut was yelling “Hell NOOOOOO”. I told my gut she should shut up because society and my family told me that the field I was in, which was foreign languages, was nothing without a master’s degree. So I listened to what others had to say and I started my masters.

The panic attacks increased. My health was deteriorating. I had to use every single piece of strength I had to pull myself out of bed and attend a single lecture. I hated the world. Negativity was oozing out of my skin. Then my gut decided to fight against my decisions in every way possible. I was never the one to oversleep. If my alarm went off, I was on my feet already making my morning coffee. All of the sudden, I started oversleeping. I wouldn’t hear my alarm and I started to miss my lectures. After a while, I started failing exams. It took me a while to gather the strength and say that I quit. Right then and there I placed the label “FAILURE” on my forehead in big, bold red letters for everyone to see. I called myself a failure.

I promised my family and myself that in a year I would enroll in a private university and start a masters in International relations and diplomacy which costs a lot of money but I came to an agreement with my mom that we would get a student loan from the bank. Since I considered myself to be a failure, I didn’t start looking for a job in my field of expertise because the part of my brain which told me I was a failure also told me that there are people with masters and PHD’s in languages, people who studied abroad who were better than me and that no one would hire me because they could hire those other people who weren’t failures like me. I got a job as a waitress. Regarding that experience I think it’s enough to say that I can’t count how many times I had to drink to make it through my shift but I considered my behavior to be okay because I was a failure.

Time passed by, my health was getting worse, I was making all of the wrong choices regarding relationships in my life and then it hit me. I hated myself and I resented myself so much that I was torturing myself at a job I hated and punishing myself just because I didn’t fit in with societies norms. The time came for me to get the student loan. I was depressed for weeks. I didn’t talk to anyone. I ended up in the emergency room because I couldn’t breathe normally. Life was just bitch slapping me and then, after months of banging my head against a wall and living just to survive I decided I can do better.

I quit my job and started a new one where I am somewhat in the proximity of my field of studies. I said no to the private university and decided to attend lectures in Digital marketing because this is something that gets me excited. How did this shift in my behavior happen? I started to be kind to myself.

I scrapped off that “FAILURE” label from my forehead and told myself that it took courage to drop out of school and start finding myself. It took strength to admit that I was lost and unhappy. It took fucking balls to take control of my life and start living it according to my rules. The shift first happened in my head and then it manifested in my life. All I had to do was give myself a pat on the back and tell myself that I am doing the best that I can and that it’s okay to take time off to find whatever it is that’s missing from my life. Changes aren’t painless. Changes aren’t easy but if during that change period you hate yourself and have negative self-talk you will only make things worse for yourself.

Do I know what the hell I am doing with my life? NO
Do I hate myself for that? Also NO

I still relapse into my old behavior patterns such as drinking, smoking and hating myself for not being the poster child for society norms but I also identify that behavior quickly and implement positive self-talk into my life. Don’t call yourself a failure and don’t put yourself down. You are so much more that what others think of you. Hell, you are so much more than what you think of yourself. Give yourself credit for how far you came. Recognize your mistakes and learn from them, don’t use them as fuel to the fire of your self-hate.

You need to reconnect with your inner world in order to start being kind to yourself.  You have to do this via a process that suits you best such as writing, meditating, exercising etc. That voice in your head that is trying to put you down will always be there, you just need to be louder than it.

Poem #232

I see you hiding in the shadows
of what they told you that you should be.

I can feel your heart break every time
they bend your will.

Step into the light, there’s nothing to hide.

The world always judged those
carrying change in their heart.