Categories
My life

Come have a cup of coffee with me

Hello everyone! 

I hope you are having a lovely weekend! I know I’ve been off the grid but I am just trying to deal with everything and I decided to not abandon my blog and publishing schedule this time so my youtube video is here, just two days late. 

I will just give you some nature and have a cup of coffee with you and talk about random stuff and everything that’s been going on lately. Grab yourself a cup of coffee, tea, a beer or anything else and give me your opinions in the comments as always! 

The video is here for you: https://youtu.be/QY51s-arY9M

Make sure to subscribe and like and all of that. Thank you for being so full of love and support in my up-an-downs lately.  

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #362
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: I lied to you *kinda*

Categories
Poems

Poem #362

When you are your worst enemy
happiness is just a mistake in the code of your existence.

It’s fleeting moments of peace and light
that soon get swallowed by the darkness of your mind.

You tell yourself you don’t deserve it.
You tell yourself you are not worth it.
You are eating yourself alive and you
cannot run away from yourself.

When you constantly stop yourself from moving forward
future is that what others have and you cannot reach.

It’s the promise of a better tomorrow offered to those
who don’t have voices in their head saying: “You can’t do this.”

You are kicking yourself when you are down.
You are drowning yourself in sadness.
You are your own hell
and you don’t know how to live with that.

Latest Poem: Poem #361
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: I lied to you *kinda*

Categories
My life

I lied to you *kinda*

Hello everyone! 

It was a little lie. Yesterday I told you that I don’t have a video for you but I did. I was just extremely insecure about posting it. I tried to write what I said in this video but the post was constantly looking like an absolute mess because I was constantly jumping from one thing to the next, I couldn’t form a sentence well – it was awful. 

I decided to get over my fear and publish the video I made on Wednesday, a day after I published I am not doing okay again. This is literally me working through my issues on camera, talking about domestic abuse, dealing with trauma and emotions.  

I thought that publishing my first video ever was scary but this is the scariest thing I ever published because I feel very vulnerable. But maybe this is what I need. I need to be open, honest, vulnerable and stop thinking people will call me crazy or make fun of me. If I can’t speak to people directly about this, I will speak to a camera. 

So here’s the link, welcome to the inside of my head:  https://youtu.be/bvoENgpvaIE

I hope at least some of this made sense.  

Sending love and positive vibes, 
Luna 

Latest Poem: Poem #361
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Step by Step

Categories
Poems

Poem #361

My skin is a shell hiding the mess inside.
My eyes do not give out fear,
mi lips do not stretch to smile.
When I look unapproachable
I get a feeling of safety.

If they don’t ask, I won’t have to tell.
If they focus on the bitchface
they won’t see the anxiety clutched around
my ankles. I have to drag her everywhere.

I flinch when I hear laughter or shouting.
I am constantly scared there are eyes on me.
I am scared of being seen and I’ve spent a lifetime
wanting to be heard.

Leaving my four walls feels like going on trial.
I know they don’t care, I know they aren’t looking
but I cannot shake off this feeling that they
are grading everything about my existence.
I am scared the shell is getting too weak
to hide the misery and fear I am trying
so hard to conceal.

Latest Poem: Poem #360
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: I am not doing okay…again

Categories
My life

I am not doing okay…again

I feel like my life updates on this blog are currently: I am okay / I am getting depressed. That’s it. I think I need therapy.

So yes, I have been consistently working on myself, eating better, working out, reading, meditating and then something just happened. But nothing actually happened. Like my body and mind are just fighting against the good decisions I am trying to make for myself. It’s like I am inviting chaos in my life and I cannot control it.

It all started on Sunday. I was just so damn emotional and sad and lonely. I got up on Monday at 6 as I do to do my workout before my job starts and I barely made it through. I felt itchy the whole day. I couldn’t sit still but I also didn’t want to move. But there was this uncomfortable energy inside of me.

And then I broke my clean eating and all of my good habits by binge eating. That was the alarm. That’s when I was like: January is about to repeat itself. Shit.

I barely made it out of bed this morning. I stayed in bed longer which is usually a sign for me that I am either ill or just not doing well. I was fighting with my craving for nicotine. I drank my coffee and the only think I could think about were cigarettes. I felt so bad. I had to have an internal talk with myself about how far I came without cigarettes and that it’s an unhealthy habit that is not easy to break and that I shouldn’t go back.

And then I sat down and decided to write because pretending I am fine and pretending like this is just a small issue is not going to work for me anymore. Putting stuff in writing means that I admit they are real. That’s why I write about my feelings and insecurities and problems and everything. Otherwise, I don’t consider it real and do not deal with it.

So yes, it’s important for me to let the world know that I am in a grey area. I am doing my best to not go to the dark area of my mind and to spiral again as I did at the beginning of the year. Getting better is a journey and I have to be honest with myself about the good and bad times of it.

All advice, book recommendations and other forms of help are welcome. This is a step forward, I am saying that I need help but I am also well aware that I need to first know how to and do everything to help myself.

I am sorry if you find my posts about being depressed or cooking boring but that’s what my life is currently and that’s okay.

This is also a reminder for you to check in on yourself and check in on your friends and family because someone might seem very happy and okay but they are going through hell in their head.

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Latest Poem: Poem #360
Youtube videos: Luna’s channel
Latest Coffee Date: Manipulating the Public Attention
Latest #savingme: Give Women Their Rage Back
Life updates: Productive Sunday

Categories
Coffee Date

Coffee Date with Luna: Updates

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna! 

Usually, I have some specific theme I write about in these Coffee Dates but this is just a random life update. I have been away from the blog for a while now because I have been working in the office. As you know I have been working from home for a very, very long time and the past two weeks I have been back in Zagreb and in the office. Now I am going to work from home again. In order to have fewer people in the office we take turns every two weeks with work from home. 

This was one of the reasons why I was away from the blog. I was adapting to being out of quarantine, back in Zagreb and it just started feeling normal and then there was a spike in COVID-19 cases. Zagreb has the most cases in Croatia which was to be expected. A few days ago it became mandatory to wear a mask in public transportation and cabs. So there’s a little update on the COVID situation in Croatia, how are your countries doing? 

The quarantine in Croatia has ended because we managed to put the situation under control but also because it is the summer and the Croatian economy is centered around tourism.(VISIT CROATIA, GIVE US YOUR MONEY. jk). I am also planning to visit the coast this summer with my boyfriend.  This won’t be some YOLO vacation; we will keep safe and avoid large crowds of people. It will be more of a quiet vacation. We will go to the beach, maybe go to a restaurant for dinner because it’s my birthday soon and that will be about it. Nothing big, just taking some time away from Zagreb, my work, his university.   

These two weeks working in the office really benefited me when it comes to mental health. Since I travel with a tram to my work, I was scared of catching the virus but being in the office was so relaxing. I missed my work team, joking around with them. I was a lot less stressed about work since working from the office again because we can joke about work, talk, help each other out. Just being around people made it easier than it was while I was working from home. I am actually a bit sad because I won’t see them for three weeks because I will be working from home for a week and then I will go on vacation for two weeks.  

This is pretty much a little bit about my very boring life. Let me know in the comments how are you doing, what is the situation in your country, what is new with you? We haven’t had a coffee date for a long time. In the last Coffee Date you were all so supportive and kind and thank you very much for always being here for me. Also, some of you told me you would enjoy story times so I am currently working on that. I am also considering creating videos for story times, I think it would be interesting and a new hobby for me since I know nothing about creating videos. I was thinking to film a few on my phone and I know it won’t be best quality but I want to see if I can commit to this before considering buying a camera.  

I will stop talking now and be waiting for all of your comments, I’ll reply to everyone as soon as possible. Also, let me know what you would like to discuss next on our Coffee dates! 

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna 

 

Categories
Coffee Date

Coffee Date with Luna: Back to the passion

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

I hope you are healthy and safe and already guessing I will have a quarantine themed coffee date. I have noticed something happening to my mind, let say, during this time that I have been at home more, working from home and having more free time.

I have returned to what’s important to me and what is natural to me and the things I am passioned about.

This discovery came to me when I caught myself sitting on my balcony and reading “Io non ho paura” by Niccolò Ammaniti and the book (as you can tell) is written in Italian. I, without giving it much thought, googled some Italian authors to find a new book to read, downloaded this one and just spent hours enjoying it, reading it, even googled some words I didn’t know by then and then it hit me. I miss Italian and I got so caught up in my jobs and my blog that I forgot I am one big philologist at heart. For those of you who don’t know, I actually studied foreign languages, Italian and Spanish to be precise. Italian was one of my first passions when it came to my love for foreign languages.

Until that moment, when I came to the last page, I didn’t even know how much I missed this part of myself. I got so caught up in making money, taking care of myself, adulting in general that I forgot to feed my mind and my soul what it desired. I came back to my passion and it made me so happy, I felt so fulfilled and a new wave of energy came over me as if I had a good sleep and was ready to conquer the day. This little thing, this little book, coming back to the language I love so much made me feel like myself again, placed me in touch with my inner self.

I think that this is a textbook example of how small things make a difference and matter the most. I have been experiencing these revelations in quarantine a lot. Now that I am not so concerned with all of the things I have to do and all of the places I have to be at, I can actually hear myself because the noise of everyday life is cancelled now. I hope this makes sense to you guys and that you don’t think I am just losing my mind here.

I guess this was a shorter post, but I think I shared everything I wanted to. Now tell me, have you experienced this during quarantine? Did you start picking up some old hobbies, enjoying old music, giving more attention to your spiritual side?

Sending love and positive vibes,

Luna

Categories
Coffee Date

Coffee Date with Luna: Staying Sane

Hello everyone!

I hope you are all well, safe and able to stay home. For those of you who have to go to work, I just want you to stay strong, keep the distance as much as you can and follow the safety guidelines.

I am going to be quite honest and say that I am losing my mind a bit. Me and my work crew even have meltdowns about how much we miss each other. I just catch myself thinking about having a coffee in a bar with my friends, walking around, even riding in a tram which is always overly crowded.

Today I just want to speak about the ways I have been keeping the little sanity I have left. My first two rules are home workouts and meditation. Home workouts really help me to let go of stress and anxiety. They are not much, but 30-45 minutes does the trick. I always try not to go more than three days without working out. Meditation helps me deal with the thoughts in my head and there are many. I know that people think that meditation is about clearing your mind and not thinking about anything, but for me is just letting the thoughts flow and letting them go.

I have also been reading. I went to the STIR UP coworking place where I work as a community manager and got myself some books which we have there. I read Steve Jobs biography and a book about Ikigai. I also have some pdf books I downloaded but the problem is I spend a lot of time in front of my laptop so it gets exhausting reading on it as well.

I have been very blessed to have the opportunity to work from home at this difficult time. I do miss being at my job, being with my work crew but whenever I get these negative thoughts, I just keep on repeating that this too will pass. It’s kind of my mantra now.

I know that this coffee date has been me rambling about my very boring life, but I think we can all use some tips on keeping sane during this quarantine. Let me and the rest know in the comments below how are you dealing with everything!

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna

Categories
The Positivity Press

Positivity Press #59 – When Times Get Tough

I can’t count the number of times I’ve been so frustrated on this path and wanted to throw in the towel. Sometimes I just can’t stand the constant up-hill battle I have to face in order to meet even the smallest goals. There are days I just want to give up and try something else. There are days I wish things were as easy as the false teachers claim, but I already learned the hard way that following their popularized image will get me nowhere. It’s difficult being strong when it looks as if you’re not making any progress and there are so many things close to your heart that you want to contribute to. It can hurt your self-esteem, too.
  Still, the frustration passes. After a while, you remember you’re not the first person or the last to go through these trials. Your spirit team know what you’re going through. And if you have a mentor and extended family like mine, you also have physical people you can share your troubles with. It’s good to know you’re not alone – whether you’re a student, a single parent, suffering from depression, or recovering from addictions or abuse, you are seen and felt and loved. Sure your path may be hard, but that proves it’s worth following. You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last; but you can be a guiding light to those who come after you.

Bio: Ena Whiteraven (a.k.a. Henry) is an aspiring novelist and poet who uses elements of mystery and fantasy to inspire readers to seek truth and embrace their creativity in an encreasingly dark world.  Her writings have appeared at The Poetry BarThe Positivity Press, and the famed Spiritually Awkward Magazine  . She is currently in search of publishers and fellow writers who share her vision.

Youtube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCnmXah9fuEJGg_go7DKUrhA

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As promised, during this difficult time we are re-activating The Positivity Press. Send in your positive news with pics and the link to your blog (if you want) to postpositivity@gmail.com

Categories
Coffee Date

Coffee Date with Luna: Coronanxiety

Hello everyone and welcome to another Coffee Date with Luna!

I am going to be quite honest and say that I am terrified of the Coronavirus. I am actually trying to hold it together but the fact is that Croatia is going into quarantine and all I did for the past two weeks of my leave from work was read, listen and investigate everything about the virus and the latest safety measures. My anxiety is getting worse by the minute because on Monday I have to go to my job, do an 8 hour shift, take a laptop from the company and then work from home. My working from home could last as short as a week and the thought of working in a customer care center with more than 80 people around me during a pandemic is terrifying.

I could right now write a book complaining about the way the company I am working for is handling this virus outbreak, but I am not going to.  I think that writing too much about the anxiety I am dealing with right now and writing a lot about the virus is just going to make me more anxious.

I would like to use this post so that we can checkup on each other so I won’t be writing that much. As I said, corona is giving me anxiety because of my job etc. and now tell me how are you dealing with the current situation, how is your country doing, are you keeping yourself safe? Write down in the comments how are you, if you are experiencing any anxiety regarding the virus or write a positive, encouraging message to the community! Let’s just stay present, communicate and give each other support!

Also, I was thinking about re-activating the Positivity Press during this time of crisis so if you have something  positive you would like to share with out little community send it to postpositivity@gmail.com

Any e-mails that come in for The Positivity Press will be published as soon as possible and The Poetry Bar is always open for your submissions

Sending love and positive vibes,
Luna