Poem #196

Damn, I did it again. My heart was
in a shell and my brain was crumbling
under the fear. Something told me that the
line is the last place where I want to put my heart.

You were so sweet, you were so perfect but you
couldn’t understand what disappointment does to people.

It makes us look at love like a game and we refuse to
risk anything even at the cost of gaining everything
because we can’t go down that road again.

The strongest hearts have been through so much and
they shut themselves out because they know
they won’t be able to go another round. We’re not strong,
we’re closed; we’re not fearless, we’re weak.

Just keep on telling me how much you love me,
it’s so sweet to hear those words but if you want
something in return you’re in the wrong place.

It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s not that I don’t
need you, but I just can’t put myself out there.
I can’t give you control, I can’t let you know
that you can crush my world by walking out that door.

A safe ground is what I need, a safe ground underneath
my feet. You can’t give it to me because my heart is
refusing to believe that love can exist unconditionally.

You’re worth it all but I’m just not ready to fall because
I don’t know how to wait for someone to catch me. I only
know how to land myself on my feet.

You’re everything I hoped for and it pains me to let
you go because I don’t know how to let go. The truth is
that a safe ground is what I need, a safe ground underneath
my feet and I always find it in solitude, never with you.

Damn, I did it again. I locked my feelings in my mind
in order to protect my heart. It wasn’t your fault, it’s
the way I am. I hope you can forgive me, I hope
I didn’t cause you much pain.